The night’s hunting patrol returned to camp alongside the rising sun with three mouths full of fresh-kill and a fourth carrying something far less useful. Rhymingsilence had done his fair share of hunting too, but he left the others to carry his work back while he held a small stick in his mouth. At the very end of it, a little bug was holding on for dear life. As foolish as the sight was, the broad calico moved in almost slow-motion as he tried to keep the bug from falling. His eyes never left it’s tiny body as he crept across camp and he was far too preoccupied with it to notice the nursery aid lying down in his path.

With a gasp, he tripped over her side and flopped onto his stomach. The air knocked out of him on impact but worse of all was the loud snap of the twig beneath him. Oh no! Shooting back to his paws, Rhymingsilence stared down in horror at the broken stick and the splattered carcass of his little insect friend. For a moment, he pawed helplessly at the bug, praying it would be enough to bring it back to the living. Then he felt the presence of the very cat he tripped over, and spun around to face Lavenderbreeze.

A new fear filled him as he looked at the she-cat. They always made him nervous. In an instant though, his fear turned to concern. “I’m so sorry!” He exclaimed. “I wasn’t paying attention and- I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“Im fine I think,” Rhymingsilence quickly replied. He’d been too wrapped up by the death of his friend to take stock of his own condition. Now that he had a chance, he was 95% sure he was physically healthy. His emotional health had taken quite a toll though. “I think the stick cracking made the fall seem worse than was, really. But it’s my fault anyway so...” He trailed off as her bizarre offer processed in his mind—bizarre because no one had ever asked him something like that before. No one else seemed to appreciate the lives of bugs and their gentle souls.

What little he knew about Lavenderbreeze before told him she was nice, but now he knew she was way more than that. She wasn’t judging him, she wasn’t mad, and she wasn’t scolding him the way his sister used to. She just seemed, well, kind of wonderful. “Do you mean that? You’ll really help me? I mean you don’t have to,” he said as he pawed the ground anxiously. “You don’t owe me anything, but if you want to help...” It was probably inconsiderate of him to hope her words hadn’t been empty, but he was going to have to hold a funeral later and it would be nice to have another cat there with him.

Rhymingsilence closed his eyes briefly to try to settle his nerves at her closer proximity to him. He liked her kindness. It reminded him of the only other she-cat that hadn’t completely scared him—Wistfuldancer. But they weren’t very close, so he never had time to work on his weird feelings around the opposite sex. He could tell Lavenderbreeze’s heart was in the right place though, so when his eyes reopened, they gleamed with a bit more confidence. “Thank you,” he mewed with a short dip of his head, “If you’re sure that you’re okay, I think I’d like to do this sooner rather than later. Now or anytime tonight if you’re busy.”

His initial instinct was to take the bug to the burial grounds, but since it was sacred to FallClan cats, he didn’t think that would be right. His next best idea was further out of camp though, and he wasn’t sure if a nursery aid would be up for something like that. As far as he knew, they rarely ever left camp. “I found him at the flower spot, so that might be a good place to say goodbye? What do you think?” Even without his anxiety eating him alive, he was hardly able to meet her eyes as he spoke.

His eyes followed after her as Lavenderbreeze retrieved prey and delivered it to the nursery. No matter how awkward and weird he could be, he could always appreciate a cat's strong work ethic and responsibility. Even if she was a nursery aid and all of her duties were outside his realm of understanding, Rhymingsilence knew the job was important and that there were some cats that failed to take it seriously. It was refreshing to see she wasn't among those few. He wasn't sure when the smile found its way on his face, but once he did he suddenly felt wholly embarrassed for it. Luckily, by the time she returned, he was more preoccupied with gathering the bug than anything else. He'd already managed to wrap it in a bundle of leaves and he picked it up in his teeth before turning over to her.

"Yes. I can do that!" the words came out a little too loud and he sent her an apologetic glance before trotting outside the camp's entrance. No matter how hard it was to talk, he felt the silence was even worse so he quickly broke it again. "It's not that far of a walk. It's just beside the lake and that's super close to camp. Sorry, I'm not sure if you know that or not. I don't really know much about nursery aids, but I only ever see you guys in camp most of the time. Not that that's a bad thing by the way. Uh, you all seem so busy and yeah..." The calico faltered for a moment as he tried to salvage whatever it was he was trying to say. "I didn't mean to ramble. Sorry. Just, what's it like?"

Rhymingsilence felt his chest tighten as he listened to Lavenderbreeze talk. It was as if he was speaking to an angel. Her heart was so pure and sweet, and it was more then clear to him how much she loved taking care of kits. He’d had a few interesting run-ins with some kits before, but he never once thought about having his own. To him, they were an impossible dream. He had such a hard time communicating with his clanmates or even approaching them about anything unrelated to patrols. The thought of forming a strong bond with anyone, most of all a she-cat was nearly unimaginable. Even now, he felt so out of place next to her. He knew he was strange and awkward, and it was only a matter of time before he really screwed up and scared her away. But he didn’t want to. Thinking about her passion for raising children and how they were never truly hers, it did feel lonely. And now that he really thought about, he started to see that he was lonely too.

“It’s okay. I can tell it means a lot to you,” he said, smiling to himself a little. “Being a warrior, it’s important, but it doesn’t feel as unique. I’m sure you know all about it, but I’m really proud of what I do. Hunting takes up a lot of my time, but I really shine in combat. I, well, I’m probably no where near the best in the clan, but I’m always training and working hard. I want to know that when the time comes, I’ll be able to protect everyone.” This specific topic really brought out a more confident side of Rhymingsilence. While he loved his insect-fascination, it always made him feel like a misfit. This was something he knew others could appreciate and he placed a huge amount of importance on the duty of serving his clan well. “You know, my sister used to be a nursery aid too, but she wasn’t around long enough for me to see her in action. She was a bit of a pawful, Etherealblink, a little too loud and overbearing, but being without her makes me regret not spending more time with her. I’m no good at making friends, but I always had one in her and... I guess that makes us both a little lonely.”

Breathing shakily out his nose, he slowly worked up the courage to look at her—really look at her. Up close and beautiful, the words momentarily caught in his throat. “Maybe we can be there for each other? As friends?” He felt like he didn’t need to add that last part, but if he had meant to suggest more, he knew there was no way in StarClan she’d ever say yes. And, he figured, that would be moving too fast in his tastes. But then, everything felt too fast in his life.

Hearing her agree made his heart soar in a way that startled him. It wasn't something he'd ever felt before, but he chalked it up to happiness and smiled easily. She hadn't even asked about Etherealblink, which was a huge relief. It was a hard topic for him to discuss, but he found that he wouldn't mind talking to her about it one day. If they really were to become good friends. What had started out as a horrible day was now becoming one of the best he'd had in a while. In the midst of their conversation, he'd almost completely forgotten about the bundle he carried, only fully remembering once they reached their destination.

"Here we are," he said, his smile falling somewhat as he took in the scenery. Filled with luscious vegetation and bright flowers of every color, it was a prime spot to gather a variety of insects and well, herbs. He led the way further into the area until he reached a group of purple coneflowers. "Well, this is where I found him."

When he eventually tore his gaze from the coneflowers, he noticed an odd expression on Lavenderbreeze's face. But it disappeared in a heartbeat. For a moment, he wondered if he'd just imagined it or if she really had been startled by something. However, the question forming at the tip of his tongue vanished as the she-cat relaxed beside him. "It is," he easily agreed and then listened intently to her song. It wasn't a tune he was familiar with, but then, he'd never had the pleasure to hear much music in his life. He wasn't very talented in the area either, so he tried to avoid humming himself. It was a pleasant sound, soothing to his nerves, and he quickly realized why she doing it.

Rhymingsilence padded closer to the flowers and started digging a small hole in front of their stems. As he did this, he noticed beetles identical to his fallen friend atop the smooth, purple petals. He smiled sadly at them as he lowered the bundle in his mouth into the hole and covered the earth with his paws. Guilt and shame washed over him, but the sadness he felt wasn't solely for the bug. Memories of his sister resurfaced in his mind against his will. Her fate was uncertain, even to him, but he couldn't help but think about this being her funeral. Or their mother or father's. So caught up in his own thoughts, he failed to notice his body trembling in a silent battle of despair. His eyes watered but he was at least saved from the embarrassment of crying in front of Lavenderbreeze.

He felt like he was drowning in his emotions. For a while, his surroundings disappeared and left him alone in the clearing. He felt small and weaker than he ever had before, but it also felt like this horrible weight had lifted off of him. These feelings had been devouring him for a while now and he'd kept bottling it up. Now they had exploded, but at least he was letting it out. He was finally dealing with them. Once that acceptance started creeping in, his awareness slowly clicked back into place.

Lavenderbreeze was sitting up against him now. He didn't even realize she'd moved there, and as he blinked the tears from his eyes, he felt humiliated. She probably thought he was this upset over a beetle and a warrior crying so openly? It was kind of pathetic. "Sorry about that," he croaked. "I don't know what came over me there." Her warmth was soothing though and he couldn't bring himself to step away from her even if he wasn't crying anymore.

seeker

“Th- thank you,” he croaked before clearing his throat. He wasn’t any less embarrassed about all of this but he felt better knowing she wasn’t going to make fun of him for it. He’d never known anyone so nice before. Most of the cats he knew looked for every opportunity to tease or ignore him unless he pretended to be more like them. But here, with Lavenderbreeze, he felt free to be himself, safe, and perhaps even liked for his differences. “I’m not ready to talk about it yet but... I’ll tell you one day. You’ve already done so much for me just by being yourself and uh, I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. I just, I’m just glad to have met you.”

He smiled at her then and placed his other paw on the one she had on his. “And maybe if you want to, we could try to do something fun. Maybe end the day on a brighter note?”