Warrior Cat Clans 2 (WCC2 aka Classic) is a roleplay site inspired by the Warrior series by Erin Hunter. Whether you are a fan of the books or new to the Warrior cats world, WCC2 offers a diverse environment with over a decade’s worth of lore for you - and your characters - to explore. Join us today and become a part of our ongoing story!
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She hadn't been herself for months. Her daily routine hadn't changed since that day: get up, go to the memorial, weep, then go back to sleep. Azura did not look like the proud, powerful she-cat she once was. Her carefully tuned muscles had withered, the light in her eyes had long since dimmed, her fur was disheveled from the weeks without a proper bath, and her step had long since slowed and become painful. She avoided everyone in her routine, even doing her best to stay away from Romancefable. He tried to help, but there was only so much he could do. She lived in her head. She drowned in her own anger and loathing everyday, and no amount of comfort could make a dent in the guilt she felt for losing them.
Her paws dragged through the camp as she returned from her morning vigil by the memorial. She carried her usual leaf with her. With the turbulence in her mind, falling asleep had become a challenge on its own. Though she had to sneak around the medicine cats, stealing poppy seeds was the only way she could reliably fall asleep in any amount of time. After listening and hearing no one, she crept into the den and to the herb store. She pushed some of the poppy seeds into the leaf before sealing it in a tight bundle. Now she had to sleep, and find peace. Well, the most peace she could. She picked up the little bundle and turned to walk from the medicine den.
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Feb 13, 2021 15:19:05 GMT -5
Littlestar watched as Azura began to walk out of the den, the scent of milk still clinging to her fur even though she had lost her kits. Coyotekit had told her that she was sad about loosing her kits, and it was a pain that she could understand all to well "You shouldn't take those..." her voice was calm with holding judgment from her voice as she spoke gently to the grieving queen. She knew that she was probably the last cat Azura wanted to hear from but she had to try
"They make take away your pain temporarily, but in the long run you are only harming yourself. They can become addictive, and when the affects wear off all the pain you pushing away by using them will come flooding back all at once. Those herbs are not meant to be taken for extended periods of time, and I know you have been advised against taking them once already. If you still need something to help, I can make you a mixture to help with that" She struggled to her feet, every breathe she took producing a loud weezing as she approached the herb storage "Something just as effective, but not as harmful"
"If you don't trust me than take it to Vixenkismet or whomever you do. Either way you shouldn't have to suffer like that...'
Her voice. That voice. As soon as it reached her ears her lips instinctively went back into a snarl. The anger and sadness from the night she was almost murdered boiled to the surface in an instant as well. Her muscles felt alive, and her mind felt sharp. But still, the anchor of grief weighed her down deep inside the frozen lake. She was reaching for the air, the life, just above the surface. She dropped the leaves from her mouth and let them spill all over the floor. If Littlestar hadn't seen how many she took before, it was clear now that she had already become addicted to the small, black seeds.
"Who do I trust more? A fox or a snake? A fox who kidnapped my mother and forced her to become part of her cult, and now acts like she's changed. But she hasn't. She's still the deceptive piece of badger dung she always was. Or there is the snake. The snake who enabled Bloodystar to kidnap me and keep me in that forsaken place for moons. Moons." She whipped around to face Littlestar with venom seeping from every little motion she had. "I wish Bloodystar had let you have visitors. I would have loved to see you beaten, powerless, and isolated from your family." Like me.
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Feb 16, 2021 23:45:55 GMT -5
"A snake" she mused over the name she had been called, she had to give it to Azura. She had been called many things, but this was a first "interesting you should call me that, perhaps vermin or dog would be more accurate" she watched as the poppy seeds spilled out over the floor of the medicine cat, her golden gaze challenging the she-cat to move to get them. She was under no illusion that she was perfect, but nor had she regretted her decision
"You were dying when Bloodyrondo brought you to SunClan, you forget I didn't have to save your life that day" she turned, returning to her nest settling down into the soft moss "In truth I had little reason to fight on you behalf. You were not a SunClan cat, I didn't know you on a personal level. Actually, from a strategic stand point it would have made far more sense to allow you pass on to StarClan in peace, and perhaps that would have been the kinder route for both of us. "her voice was cold and ruthless, if Azura wanted the truth than she would give it to her without any reservation
"Yet when I saw you lying there barely clinging to life, it didn't matter who you were or what trouble saving you would bring to myself or SunClan. You were simply another patient that needed my help, a life that was within my power to save. Yes, you were forced into initiation afterwards just like many cats before you have been, but that isn't a death sentence. It is a chance, and opportunity where as the alternative was death. You can even argue that I could have just allowed you to leave, and perhaps I should have..." she looked up to meet her eyes "but I will not put SunClan at risk for my own selfish desires to save you"
A snake was what she was. She was not vermin or dog. Azura did not deny that Littlestar was smart and cunning. To survive in Foxstar's inner circle, she had to be at least one of those, probably both. Calling her a dog would not have given credit to her intelligence, nor her willingness to abuse it when it suited her. Littlestar deserved the name of snake for what she had done to her.
Azura wanted to see Littlestar squirm. She wanted to see her suffer. She wanted to see someone else in mortal pain in her lonely world. In her state, Azura did not expect Littlestar to fight back with such force. It hurt. But not nearly as much as the pain she lived through daily. Her words were like hot water on a third degree burn. They stung, but they did not transcend her internalized pain. "You won't put SunClan at risk for your own selfish desires, huh? Then what was with that Sun God business? We both know you'll go groveling to his paws once you go back. It was all for your glory. It's all you SunClan cats care about." She paused. "It's all Bloodystar cares about, and he had to get his delusions from someone."
She turned her attention to the poppy seeds and began to roll them up into the bundle again. "If you don't want me to take these then eat them yourself. It's a win for both of us. You'll shut up and go to sleep, and I'll eat fewer of these things."
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Feb 18, 2021 23:16:30 GMT -5
Littlestar waited patiently for Azura to finish, her gaze unwavering "I see... Its clear now, you know nothing about me or how SunClan works to warp one's mind" her soft words were followed by a chuckle something unreadable in her eyes as she spoke "You have already made me out to be some sort of monster, so even if I spoke the truth and nothing but the truth, you wouldn't believe a single word of it so why waste my breath on ears that will never hear the words I am saying much less a heart unwilling to take in the meaning behind them"
"But have you ever stopped even for a moment to consider that it might be your view of me that has been distorted? You say this was all for my glory, but I ask of you what glory have I gained from killing the Sun God? If this was for my own gain, why am I laying here broken and tossed away like yesterday's fresh kill instead of leading as SunClan's High Priestess? You say the Sun God is all I care about, and yet wasn't it I that stood up to him for the sake of my clan?" she shook her head, resting her head on her paws
"Azura, I always thought of you as a smart cat. Surely you are not so blind as to not see the holes in your own argument that you just presented to me, the questions I just asked are ones you have probably already asked yourself. Things that happened that don't line up with your view of me... Well you have me here now, its not like I have anything else to loose by telling you the truth. I have no clan, my family lost, dead, or being tortured. So go ahead, and sate your curiosity about this monster that you have feared and hated for so long. I can see it in your eyes Azura, this is about more than me making you into an initiate. So go ahead, speak what is on you mind. Ask the questions burning in your heart"
Her words did little to ease the anger in her eyes. It was yet another manipulation, another deception by the High Priestess. It was all she knew how to do. All of her words were laced in an invisible venom. At least Bloodystar was blatant about his deception and tyranny. "Just because it didn't work out how you planned doesn't mean it wasn't for glory. After what Firetooth and Autumngossamer said you had to save the image of your clan, so you had to act like you wanted to see the Sun God dead." She growled. "You just didn't think that your Promised would turn on you. Still, you'll get your triumphant return. Vixenkismet will make sure of that." She snorted. "Bloodystar deserves to die for everything he's done. What better way to return then taking out a tyrant? A misogynistic tyrant at that."
Part of Azura knew the Littlestar was making sense. For how much she hated Littlestar, Azura could not give into a pure, absolute hatred. Save for the one who almost killed her and Octavia from Absum Lux, she couldn't put anyone there. Even Bloodystar stayed away from there. She still wanted to remember him as Bloodypaw, a goofy and over-enthusiastic apprentice. But he had strayed from that path the moment he tasted power. It was a subtle poison the rotted away even the most stable foundations. She rolled up the leaves into a tight little ball. "Why did you let him in? I know, there's that Sun God chose him garbage, but why?" She paused. She didn't Littlestar knew this, or at least didn't know the details. "I trained Bloodypaw before he was your Promised for moons. I knew he would too blinded by the Sun God to be a good leader. Why didn't you, a leader, see that?"
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Feb 21, 2021 19:11:19 GMT -5
It was almost humorous, how little Azura understood about her and what had been going on behind the scenes "So you really haven't managed to understand what happened that day. I suppose I have underestimated your ability to read the intentions of others. When has SunClan ever cared about how the other clans viewed us?" she blinked placing her head on her paws "But I will answer your questions... First not only did I think Bloodyrondo would turn on me, I was counting on it" her voice steady and emotionless "That day I killed the God my clan worshiped, I never intended on walking away from that with no consequences. The moment I accepted the Moon Goddesses' offer, my life was forfeit. I accepted my fate, my only regret was having to put that burden on Bloodyrondo's shoulders... But to protect SunClan, my family, it was what needed to be done. Had the Sun God been allowed to continue on that path, only destruction would follow. Do you really think I wouldn't notice Bloodyrondo gathering support from within the clan? The hatred that gleamed in his eyes? I could have squashed his rebellion before it even began, yet I waited meekly on the sidelines. After all how could I remain as High Priestess after such an act? It would make the Clan I wanted to protect weakened and what is my life against that of an entire clan's? I was prepared for my execution, even though it never came "
She let silence fill the den for several moments "Bloodyrondo was young arrogant, not an ideal leader by any means. I worried about passing on leadership to him, but never even in my wildest dreams could I have imagined the horrors he would unleash" there it was, the hint of anger that boiled under her words even without her facial expression changing "As misguided as he was, there wasn't this darkness in his heart. He always sought to do good, and there wasn't time to make other arrangements. I only had moments to make a decision, and I placed my trust in the cat I watched grow. As blinded as he was, the Sun God was gone now and I hoped he would be able to learn to think for himself given some time... I was wrong"
"You keep saying I am doing this all for myself, and yet I have no intentions on returning to SunClan as their High Priestess"
She growled at the jab at her abilities. She was plenty smart, and could understand SunClan's motivations and desires, the same with Littlestar's. They were simple and one dimensional. Or so she thought. The more Littlestar spoke the more she felt herself dissolving. For the past moons she let her hatred of SunClan fester along with her hatred for Littlestar. She always thought Littlestar was a distorted reflection of her predecessor. Different, but more or less the same. Azura thought Littlestar expected to be hailed as a hero. To the DayClan she-cat, she certainly was in that moment. But the fact the she expected to be ousted and expected to be executed blew her away. She herself would never have waited for that. She would fight. It showed some underlying altruism and humanity that Azura thought Littlestar was incapable of.
More than that, this sudden realization of her humanity and general ability to good killed the adrenaline rush that her anger brought. Her legs trembled as Littlestar finished speaking, again bearing the weight of her monumental grief. She wanted to dig into her for picking the wrong cat... but the monster inside him was a well hidden beast. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't truly fault Littlestar for it. She saw how weak she was after the Sun God's death. She bowed her head to the side, unable to meet her eyes anymore. Still, Littlestar could see the shock rip across her face as she said that she had no intentions to lead SunClan again. "I-I'm sorry." She picked the bundled seeds in her mouth. "I'll leave you alone then..." The fire in her eyes was quenched now. The only thing that remained was the shell that she'd grown accustomed to.
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Feb 27, 2021 20:21:32 GMT -5
She could see the waves of grief washing over Azura as her anger ebbed. She she have been happy to win the argument, but it brought her no satisfaction. Not when the queen before her was suffering, and it was a look she knew all to well "You don't have to go..."she paused, trying to find the right words to say, something that would bring her some sort of comfort "I heard that you lost some of you kits..." she let the silence linger between them for a few moments. She could still remember the moons she spent staring the the sunflowers she had planted on their graves. The endless tears that had had fallen from her eyes until she was left hollow and empty.
"I am truly sorry for your loss" she hoped that now the anger was gone her words would ring true "Its a pain that no mother should ever have to experience... Its been many moons an I still grieve over my little ones"
You don't have to go... Her mind egged her on. It begged her to think that Littlestar was the caricature that she made in her head. It begged her to believe that Littlestar was some true evil on the same moral standing as Bloodystar or Foxbane. But she couldn't muster it. She wanted to think that those words were incriminating, that Littlestar wanted to keep her hear to keep beating her down. It's been many moons an I still grieve over my little ones. She knew that pain. It was her pain, it was what kept pushing her back to the medicine den. It was everything the she-cat was.
She stopped in her tracks and looked back to fallen leader with a tear in her eye. "...I never knew. I'm sorry." She paused. "How did... how did you have more kits? Hell, how did you survive? How did you... do everything?" She looked away. "I can't even look Romancefable in the eye anymore..."
"Time..." it probably wasn't the answer that Azura had been hoping for, but it was the truth "It was my first litter, and my body was just to young and small to support the lives that grew within me. I had broken off things with their father shortly after finding out that I was expecting. He was the one my father always intended for me to marry when I grew older, having been betrothed as mere kits. We were... separated, only reconnecting later on after I became the priestess promised, but even though we loved each other dearly it wasn't meant to be. He was destined to become WinterClan's next leader, and I the next High Priestess"
"The pregnancy was difficult, and I was often to sick to even complete my training with Foxbane. Several times cats around me tried to convince me that it would be best if I ended the pregnancy and try again when I was older. I was repeatedly told that carrying them to term could kill me. Even though I wasn't with their father any longer, it didn't mean that I didn't want the kits I carried. They were conceived with love, and I refused. As hard as the pregnancy was, the kitting was harder. I very well nearly died that night, only to awaken days later with only two kits at my side and three bodies that had been covered and placed near by" Littlestar's eyes closed, the image of their lifeless eyes staring our from underneath the leaves still as vivid as the day that it had happened
"I was consumed by grief, insisting upon burring them myself. Each of the kits were given a name, Hopekit, Faithkit, and Peacekit. A single sunflower planted for each of them, to mark their graves. I stayed by their graves, refusing to leave their sides even to go and nurse the two kits that had lived. Eventually the other cats dispersed, unable to convince me to leave. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't move. I sat with them through rain and sun, unable to leave them there in the cold earth. Eventually the Sun God came to me, and at first I was angry. I blamed him for their deaths, truly believing the this was some sort of punishment because they were the result of my sins with a cat from another clan. I spat, and cursed the Sun God's name, but the Sun God never became angry with me. He stayed gentle and comforting, helping to guide me through my emotions. He said that this wasn't a punishment, that it was just their time and that he had come to take their souls to the isle. I begged him to take me instead, to give my life so that my kits could live. He refused. But it was was what the Sun God did next that allowed me to find peace, and cemented my faith in him and my new religion. So much so that even when I knew the Sun God was flawed, it was difficult for me to accept that He gave me a gift, fleeting though it was. Before taking them to the isle he allowed me to speak with them. I thought my kits would hate me for failing them, but they were happy and content. They wiped away my tears, and begged for me not to cry. All they wanted was for me to be as happy as they were, to go on living so that when I finally join them I could tell them all about my great deeds as SunClan's High Priestess, and that they were proud to be my children"
"even after this, I couldn't overcome my grief immediately but it set me in the right direction knowing that I would be with them again. I supposed that's why my decision to kill off the sun god so that he could be reborn was so difficult, something I had been mulling over long before that gathering. Something I knew needed to be done, but couldn't bring myself to do. You see killing the Sun God wasn't as simple as recognizing the flaws in my religion, it was giving up my hope of ever being with my kits in the afterlife...."
Time... It was the exact the answer that she was not looking for. She had already spent so much time grieving. Her entire life since that birth was grieving. Her little ones were always on her mind, even as the poppy seeds numbed her to sleep. Time was what let the poison run rampant in her system and destroy the cat she used to be. She didn't even know where Romancefable was in this. Guilt washed over her again. She broke whatever unspoken vow they made.
Tears rolled down her face as Littlestar talked about her experience. It resonated with the deepest parts of her soul... and she was still a little ashamed to admit that. She did her best to never compare herself with those she hated, and while that hatred for Littlestar had been mostly quenched just moments before, it lingered. It shouldn't have, but it did. She curled her claws into the earth at the mention of the Sun God and how he made her subservient to him, but for the most part her only visible reaction was tears. "I... could never do that. Give up seeing my kits again..."
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Mar 12, 2021 20:44:25 GMT -5
"You could" she replied "even if it broke you heart a thousand times over, you could..." the memory was still painful and raw, the kind of memory that despite the fact she was supposed to be the strong one a tear slid down her cheek "It was the only choice I could make, not for my sake but for my kits that are still living. To give up my own happiness and future for theirs" she stopped herself, biting her tongue "I didn't have to kill the Sun God, life in SunClan could have continued on the path that it had started on. I could have stood by and watched as SunClan descended further and further into darkness, to be just another bystander and injustices continued to occur"
"but what kind of world would that be for my other children to grow up in?" she had only made things worse, but when the Sun God was returned anew she had faith that things would be different "Azura... just because you lost your kittens does't mean the world is going to stop for you. You can and should grieve for them, but don't forget about those that are still here. Those that still need for you to be strong" she could still remember the words that her mentor and adopted mother had spoke to her "I'd tell you it will get easier, but to be honest, it won't. It's not something that will ever be easy to remember, but one day, you'll wake up, and realize you didn't think about them for an entire day. And that's not a bad thing, to move forward with your life. That doesn't mean you'll ever forget your kits, or that you'll stop missing them either, because you won't. You'll just learn to live with that pain"
Azura could not meet the former high priestess's eyes. She wanted to speak but couldn't. You could. No, she couldn't. Azura could never envision herself not seeing her kits again. It was perhaps a dim light at the end of the tunnel, a tunnel she considered going down more than once. But, something made her stick around and never venture down. Seeing Glowstar again definitely made the she-cat feel a little better, but it did not and could not ease the pain of losing her kits. From the sound of it, nothing would except time. She already feared the day when she forgot about her kits... but Littlestar's wisdom awoke another more pressing realization in her mind.
She slowly raised her head. "I've already left everyone else..." She couldn't remember the last time she had any sort of conversation with Romancefable beyond a hello or good night. Not that he didn't try, but she couldn't handle it. More waves of guilt washed over her like an advancing tide. "I haven't talked to Romancefable, like really talked to him, in moons..." She shook her head. "I abandoned him..." She picked up the poppy seed bundle in her mouth. "T-thank you. I need to go think about this..." She knew that the seeds wouldn't help, but she had built a dependence like Littlestar said. And she had a truth that would distract Littlestar from stopping her. "... And I'm sorry about your daughter, Sunnysmiles. Bloodystar wedded her to a cat who tortured me during my kithood."
