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Ever since Littlestar had been saved and taken into DayClan, Foxbane, or Vixenkismet as the clan called her, had been hovering over her daughter like, well, a concerned mother. Making sure the she-cat was taking her herbs, that her injuries were healing properly, and such. In between that, and her own duties, she hadn't really had any moments to really relax and explain to Littlestar what had been going on since her imprisonment and kidnapping.
It was strange, sleeping in the same den as her again. Still a healer, but this time as a medicine cat and not a leader. And she didn't particularly concern herself with wherever Ebonygold had gone.
"How are you feeling this morning, Littlestar?" Vixenkismet asked as she stepped into the den with some prey, having figured the she-cat would be awake soon. At least for the moment, nothing was imminent, so she hoped that she'd get the chance to actually sit and talk, for better or worse. The medicine cat looked different without her paints. Less fierce, less the untouchable Priestess she once was... and far more normal. As if you'd heard the legends of a cat and by the time you met them, they were retired and didn't at all meet your expectations of what they should be at a first glance.
The fox-furred feline set down the prey, letting Littlestar take the first pick of what she'd brought.
"I haven't been called that in a long time...." her voice rough and weathered, and to be fair she looked nothing like the High Priestess she once was either. Upon her forhead was the pale scar of the moon that had been carved into her head. The fur refused to grow in that area, even though it had long since healed. Her one shimmering silver coat, was limp and dull. Like a veil of gray had been draped over her this and boney frame. It had been cleaned and fluffed with the efforts of her mate and Vixenkismet, but it wasn't the same. She seemed smaller, like a shell of the cat she once was.
it was more than just her physical body, it was the way she sounded lost when spoke, the heavy weight of her words. It was the way that fire no longer burned in her gaze. That... thing... had drained away much more than just her energy. She had been lingering on the cusp of life and death for days, and even once she had woken it was only in short spurts of consciousness. It was difficult to tell the difference between dream and reality. Had she been placed with another healer, she may have very well surcome to her injuries once more "but I supposed I have you to thank for still being here..." she tried smile, but it seemed hollow and fake even to herself so she soon dropped it almost as quickly as it graced her face "I'm glad to see you"
Post by Honeystorm on Jan 17, 2021 17:48:27 GMT -5
Vixenkismet had to keep herself from throwing herself at her daughter in an embrace that certainly would have crushed whatever of her bones had actually healed by this point. Rather, she stepped forward, slowly wrapping herself around the she-cat in perhaps the most motherly move that Foxbane had ever made, head resting gently on top of Littlestar's as she gave the other's ear a soft lick. "You're safe," She promised, her voice quiet. "And I'm not going to go disappearing on you again. I've missed you too."
If the she-cat didn't notice immediately, she would in the moments after, as the wetness from silent tears dripped down onto the exiled Priestess' head.
Littlestar's eyes slowly closed, as Vixenkismet's warmth enveloped her. It reminded her of a night many many moons ago, when she was still young enough to have been in the nursery. It was her first night sleeping in the Priestess Promised's den. She had tried to be brave, sleeping in her own nest for the first time as the moon shined high in the sky. She tossed and turned, until she finally drifted off to sleep, only to be woken by the terrible nightmares that had plagued her. She woke screaming, the scalding feeling of her father's blood splattering across her face all to real. She had been to scared to go back to sleep, but her screams had woken the High Priestess from her slumber. When Foxstar appeared at the entrance she had apologized, believing that she was in trouble. But instead she had been lifted out of her nest and carried into the High Priestess' side. Foxstar and curled around her, tucking her in for the night. Then she had said those same words... You're safe
By the time Vixenkismet had finished speaking and her eyes opened, she was crying to. All to quiet tears "Can we just stay like this for a little while?" her words came out more as a whimper, as she snuggled closer burring her nose into the she-cat fur.
Post by Honeystorm on Jan 17, 2021 18:35:41 GMT -5
Her tail gently brushed across Littlestar's back, prey all but forgotten as she sat there with the she-cat. There had been so many sleepless nights since her exile. So many nightmares. Chasing Tinymutiny, Littlestar, Glowstar. Finding their beaten bodies, and then seeing the blood on her own paws, a stark reminder of her own failures in protecting anyone she had ever loved. Some part of her never actually thought she'd have her daughter back. And even in the nights since she brought the silver cat back, Foxbane's already rare moments of sleep became even less still, fervently checking upon the she-cat, not knowing how many lives she might have left after all she'd been through. Hating herself when she stared upon the scar on her patient's face. In these past moons, she'd lost more than she ever thought possible. Her exile from SunClan meant nothing, but Tinymutiny's expression was burned into her mind after Oakshade's death, Glowstar engulfed in flame, Littlestar danging from the ceiling.
Finally, Foxbane got into a place to open her heart, and sometimes, she still wondered if it was all worth it. The pain of losing Deal now seemed to pale in comparison to that of the hole settled into her heart, like a knife wedged somewhere in her barely repaired soul trying to shatter her all over again, breaking up every little bit of the self she'd built up from the ground.
Her words were almost muffled, soft assurances into Littlestar's fur. If she didn't make out the words of them, then the she-cat would hear the next ones, words Vixenkismet wasn't entirely certain she'd ever said plainly to the other. "I was so scared I wouldn't find you, Littlestar. I love you."
The words she never thought she would hear echoed in her mind, again, and again. Of course she had known that Foxbane loved her, but hearing her say it aloud was something else entirely. The words were raw and real, a vulnerable side to her adopted mother that even she had rarely seen glimpses of between the prickly outer shell that she presented to the rest of the world. In that moment, it was what she had needed to hear, even as her own walls fell and her quiet sobs filled the silence "I love you to" she murmured, melting in Vixenkismet's embrace.
"I made a mistake....no many mistakes" before she even knew what she was doing the words came tumbling out of her mouth like a flood that she couldn't hold back a moment longer "You entrusted me with SunClan and I let you down. I killed the God I swore to obey and protect. I stood by and watched as he abused my clan-mates before my eyes. I hurt Autumngossamer, driving SunClan's soothsayer further and further away when maybe she could have stopped this. She saw the truth more clearly than I ever did. I couldn't protect SunClan, I couldn't even protect my family. No matter what actions I took, I just hurt everyone in the end" she pulled away slightly so that she could look into her eyes
"Mom... I'm sorry" one paw rising to wipe away her tears "I wasn't strong enough"
Post by Honeystorm on Jan 18, 2021 18:35:48 GMT -5
Vixenkismet didn't anticipate Littlestar's echoed reply to hit so hard. Perhaps because as of recent, she wasn't entirely certain she deserved such things, still wasn't. And yet, despite all she'd done, her daughter still loved her. A slow, comforting purr rumbled in her throat, and she listened quietly to the she-cat's rant about her own failures, allowing her to pull back even though she wanted nothing more than to just hold her in her embrace until all the pain melted away.
She raised a paw, brushing away her own tears, and then brushed away Littlestar's ever so gently. "Everyone makes mistakes. I've made more than I can count, and many have hurt the cats I've loved most in the worst of ways, things I can't ever actually repay. But you know what I learned?" Vixenkismet raised a paw, delicately pulling one of three feathers down that were hanging down from just behind her right ear. The feather, one of a trio, that she'd presented to Funk and Glowstar for their engagement what seemed like forever ago still remained, as did a feather Littlestar wouldn't recognize, one that symbolized Control. The one she took down had the most meaning of them all. It was the feather Glowstar had given her. "One day when I was in DayClan, Glowstar gave me this feather. To DayClan, it symbolizes 'Hope'. She told me, that if I didn't have my own hope, to carry this as a symbol of hers."
Foxbane gingerly leaned forward, twining the feather just behind her left ear, so it hung down, the tip tickling Littlestar's jawline. "Hope is a powerful thing. Hope for better choices, for forgiveness, for bright days ahead and a future you can be proud of. You didn't let me down. Yes, you made mistakes, but if DayClan could forgive my crimes enough to allow me to be their healer, then you are not unforgivable either. I'm proud of you, taking a stand against even a god when you felt them wrong. I'm proud of you for doing what you felt was right, even though it was anything but easy. You did your best, and now that your eyes are open, you can be better than you ever imagined. Don't dwell on all the things you feel as though you've failed on, instead, look forward to the future with hope that it will be better, and you will be part of the reason that future comes to light. And if you can't hope for yourself, then share in the hope Glowstar gave me, and the hope of my own that stemmed from hers. No matter how alone you feel, or how hard things may be, so long as you have this feather, you can rest easy, knowing we are watching over you."
A soft smile was written across her features. "You are stronger than you realize, and I will always be proud of the feline you have become."
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Jan 18, 2021 19:43:46 GMT -5
But why? Why did everyone want to pin their hopes on her?
It started with her father. From the moment she was born, she was told that she was destined for greatness. She had been the last of his line, the princess born to rule WinterClan. There had had been no room for her to question it, it was just meant to be. He hadn't asked her if she wanted to become leader one day, she was told that she would be leader. Groomed to be the cat her father wanted her to become, with no heed to her own interests and desires. She was young, and eager to please.
Then she was taken to SunClan and chosen to become the Priestess Promised. The Sun God telling her she was destined to lead when she didn't even understand the intricacies of what it meant to be part of SunClan much less lead it. Yet, she accepted her new role blindly. If the gods willed it, who was she to fight against destiny?
When Foxstar had been captured, the clan placed their hopes on her. They trusted her to do what was needed to free their High Priestess and bring her home. She had tried and struggled until she succeeded, but only after Foxstar had went crazy. Perhaps if another leader had been picked they would have been able to get to her quicker. Perhaps then she wouldn't have stepped down and left SunClan to her....
Time after time, people placed their hopes in Littlestar only for her to let them down. Even as her adopted mother sat before her now talking about how proud she was, she couldn't escape the crushing weight of guilt that weighed on her heart. The way it stabbed her chest with each and every heart beat. Vixenkismet's words should have helped ease her pain, yet instead it made her want to crumble. "Mom...." Why couldn't she stop crying? The tears felt hot against her cheeks "You put to much faith in me...." yet she didn't reach up or remove the feather "You say you are proud of me, but you wouldn't be if you knew... Not if I told you everything"
Post by Honeystorm on Jan 18, 2021 20:01:38 GMT -5
"For every bad thing you believe you've done, there's a high chance I've done worse. No matter what path you choose in life, I will never not love and support you." Foxbane answered, feeling a pang of guilt of her own. It was her own fault Littlestar had ever gotten to this point. She'd been too harsh, forced the she-cat to pick up the slack for her, and then all but dumped leadership onto her because Vixenkismet couldn't get over her own guilt. She understood that feeling, deeply. "There is not one thing you could tell me that would cause my love for you to waver, even if you never wanted to see me again for the things I've done to you, or wanted to become a hermit and live in the woods for the rest of your days. My love and pride in you aren't conditional, they are a given, regardless of what mistakes you have made or will make in the future, and I'm sorry it took me so long to realize and tell you that. I told you I wasn't going to disappear on you again, and I meant it. I will always be here, however you need me to be, and for as long as you want me to."
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Jan 18, 2021 23:15:32 GMT -5
She hesitated, swallowing hard “even if I don’t go back to SunClan?” She let the question linger in the air. It was words that she never thought she would say. She didn’t know where she wanted to go, but the going back made her sick. Having to face those she had let down, and those whom had stood by and watched and she was dragged out and mutilated before their eyes.
She had known there would be consequences to killing the Sun God, accepting that before she ever took on the power to send him on to his next life. Littlestar wasn’t even surprised that Bloodystar and reveled against and overthrown her. In fact, she had counted on him doing just that. The old sun god needed to die, or he would have continued to lead the clan down a path leading to self destruction. It was the same as the story she had heard In The temple of the sun. Sometimes the old must die, before it can grow. No loyal SunClan cat would have been able to bare that burden of having the sun god’s death on their conscious, nor harness the power it required to do what was needed. It was something that only she could have done in that moment. So she took the fall, knowing full and well what would happen to her, prepared to loose her lives in order to protect the clan she loved. Bloodyrondo would take over, and continue to lead on.
Things hadn’t gone how she expected, but she knew little of what happened after the day she had been thrown in prison. Her paw raised up to her forehead, feeling the bumpy outline of the moon that now resided there “I can’t do it anymore...” she nearly choked on her own words “I just wanted to protect my family and clan, but I can’t do both.... SunClan doesn’t want me as their High Priestess.... nor do they need me any longer”
Post by Honeystorm on Jan 23, 2021 23:28:51 GMT -5
"Even if you don't go back." Foxbane agreed without a second thought.
Now, that next part wasn't necessarily true, and Vixenkismet paused, falling into silence a moment while she considered how to approach it. "How much do you know about what happened after your imprisonment?" Her tone was serious, and she hated to have to bring up any of this at all, but it was clear Littlestar didn't know entirely what was going on. "A lot has happened since then, little of it good..."
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Jan 23, 2021 23:40:05 GMT -5
Littlestar blinked not really understanding the question, had something happened? “Not much...” she admitted. She had been kept in isolation, save for when bloodyrondo would come to torment her, small glimpses from when she dream walked, and the lies omega fed her
Littlestar, at that moment, would almost certainly know something was up, by the way Vixenkismet visibly grimaced, looking away as she tried to formulate her thoughts. "Following your imprisonment, any cat who didn't run from SunClan, and openly supported you was thrown into prison as well, from what I hear. Including Skipstep, your older kits, and many in the clan, like Mountainsound." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "It only gets worse from here, Littlestar, and this is all information I've gotten mostly second hand since he ran me out into exile before he scarred you."
"Jetclaw was presumed dead, though she's somewhat recently turned up as SpringClan leader, which was a shock to us as Senescence was thought to have killed her the day you were imprisoned. Ryn and the Silhouettes sided with Bloodyrondo against you. Bloodyrondo took in your kits as his own. He also decided to marry off your kits and Lionpride's kits to cats he trusted. Some like Silverfringe and Sorrowfularia were bound to happen, but he also tried to marry Brilliantbeacon to a tom, and when she protested, he insisted and your daughter apparently nearly killed him, only for Brilliantbeacon to be beat within an inch of her life for it. He took Jetfire on as his mate... I'm not exactly sure what happened, but none of the rumors I've gotten sound pleasant." Foxbane paused, wishing there wasn't more to tell, but there was.
"At some point, he ended up capturing Glowstar, and intended on executing her." The fox-furred feline had to stop now, despite not wanting to, swallowing hard. "Renegade Regime, NightClan, SunClan, and the League all teamed up against SunClan. They stopped the execution. I ended up killing Tinymutiny's mate, Oakshade during that small battle, but that's a story for later. It's my fault he's dead though. The Regime freed the prisoners, but by then you were gone. Brilliantbeacon needed to be transported to their tunnels to heal, and I haven't heard from her since, though I don't think they'd have hurt her. The group of clans attacked again a few days later, and Autumngossamer battled Bloodyrondo using Pandora's power. Leucisticcrow gave Bloodyrondo the amulet whose power is twin to Pandora's. Bloodyrondo then used it and killed Glowstar during the battle." Tears slipped down her cheeks again as she absently brushed a paw against her engagement feather.
"A fire broke out, and we were forced to retreat. I don't know who of SunClan still lives, and who died in the fire, though Bloodyrondo is still alive. He ran to MoonClan territory and SunClan drove them out for a while. Ruinedportrait leads MoonClan now, and Ryn is there too, I believe. It's unlikely she's helping her littermate any longer, though, but I can't be certain. DayClan voted in a new leader, Goldenstar, and Fia Cendrillon is the deputy. I'm DayClan's medicine cat for the moment. Ebonygold was here, but he disappeared, I have no idea what's happened to him. SunClan... at best, is in a bad state, and Bloodyrondo has been an insane tyrant from everything I've heard or seen. He chose Duskslayer as his Promised, and Dusky has done all but nothing to stop what's been going on, from what I know. This is just what I've seen or heard, the actual state of things is possibly even worse."
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Jan 24, 2021 0:51:24 GMT -5
The smaller she-cat stiffened her her eyes glazing over, expression unreadable. With each word that Foxstar spoke, it was like opening a new raw wound on her mind one after another. She had accepted her fate, willing to take the fall for killing the Sun God so that SunClan could continue to thrive. They would have Bloodyrondo to help lead them, and she hadn’t blamed him for the wounds he had inflicted upon her nor her isolation... but this?
She struggled to wrap her mind around what her former mentor was saying, bombarded by one tragedy after another. She didn’t speak... even long after Vixenkismet had finished speaking. An eerie silence filling the den as she stared off Into the distance. The turrets of emotions swirling around within her, until the waves began to crash into one another starteing to cancel one another, until only one was left.
Despite her fragile state, she pushed herself upwards onto shaky paws, as they buckled underneath her causing her to stumble forward.
Foxbane stepped forward to catch Littlestar as her child's legs buckled. She shouldn't have said all this at once. The medicine cat could feel the tension in the air, her own worry for her daughter swirling around them. "You're not in a state to be going anywhere for a few more days yet." She warned, "Skipstep will kill me if I let you get yourself into trouble before you're in good health."
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Jan 24, 2021 1:20:47 GMT -5
It was like all the words she had were stuck in her throat unable to make their way into the world with out being mangled and unrecognizable. She struggle weakly in Vixenkismet’s grasp, her Megar strength escaping her as she gave into the warm embrace. She was visibly shaking, followed by a quiet almost breatheless “No..” her facade breaking as tears rolled down her face breaking into loud sobs
it Was clear enough, all this that had happened was because of her. Her failure to see what Bloodystar would become. Her failure of protecting the clan. Her failure... her failure... How easily could this all have been prevented? Her heart ached, just as sore as her body “I have to go...” she mewed more softly this time, though it was clear enough that she didn’t even have the strength to make it to the entrance
"You need to get better before anything else." Vixenkismet murmured, gently stroking Littlestar's fur. "It's my fault this happened in the first place, and I'm sorry my actions have hurt you and SunClan so much. It's my job to fix this." Much liker her daughter, Foxbane felt this was all her fault. She set up SunClan to cater to this very type of leadership. She stepped down suddenly and left Littlestar to pick up the pieces. She let the Sun God run rampant and taught Littlestar not to question the deity. It was her own failures at every level that led to Bloodyrondo, so Foxbane personally felt it was her own duty to kill him off. Albeit sprinkled with a bit of desire for vengeance for what Littlestar had gone through, and for Glowstar's life that was taken from her.
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Jan 26, 2021 13:49:30 GMT -5
“it stopped being your job the moment you stepped down” she cried softly into Vixenkismet’s fur “You left the clan to me and I ruined everything...” her voice more a quiet whimper, “My kits are still there, I can’t waste any more time to rest while they are out there suffering because of me.. when the whole clan is suffering because of me” but her body was already relaxing into Vixenkismet’s grip sheer exhaustion forcing her to stop even though her mind was racing, her voice becoming softer with each an every word that she spoke
“I have to go tothem...” her breaths were becoming deeper as sleep threatened to overtake her “even if they hate me, no one can hate me as much as I hate myself” the last word was hardly more than a whisper as her eyes finally closed curled up her mother’s embrace
Post by Honeystorm on Jan 28, 2021 15:24:29 GMT -5
"How about you get some sleep and we talk over this again later?" Foxbane murmured, holding Littlestar quietly until she fell asleep.
...Vixenkismet hadn't exactly meant to fall asleep holding her daughter. But she had. When she woke up, however, she was alone, and the medicine cat instantly jumped up in a panic the moment she realized, her mind already running through a hundred scenarios, trying to figure out where she might have been taken, heart in her throat as it beat hard and fast, and she bolted out of the den, looking around frantically.
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Jan 30, 2021 20:01:52 GMT -5
Littlestar had awoken before Vixenkismet, gently maneuvering herself out of her mother's embrace with awakening her. It was something she had often done with her own kits, and it was far harder not to awaken the bright eyes kits than a very tired exhigh priestess. Perhaps she shouldn't have left without telling Foxbane where she was going, but she couldn't quiet her mind as she laid in the nest. Her children were suffering Her clan was suffering. It was her fault.
It was like her own inner voice wouldn't allow her to rest, as she struggled to her weary paws. Every step that she took was a struggle. Her lungs on fire as they fought for enough air to fuel her body muscles screaming at the exertion, eyes clouding over from pain. Yet she didn't allow it to stop her, forcing herself to continue onwards as her guilt ridden thoughts over rode the signals her body was sending.
She could feel the eyes of the curious dayclan cat's on her long pelt that was plastered to her thin frame. No one moved to stop her from her path, to curious or disturbed by her appetence to say what they were all thinking. How far the High Priestess had fallen.... Littlestar had almost made it to camp entrance by the time Vixenkismet came charging out of the den
