When her eyes landed upon Ghostcrown, her gaze softened a paw reaching out to gently cusp his chin "Ghostcrown..." she murmmered softly in disbelief. It didn't make a lot of sense as to how she had gotten here, but did it really matter? He was here, still alive and seemed find. She blinked trying to discern if this was reality or just another dream. She had been having a lot of those lately... Some good like this, and others nightmares that made her shudder

But he didn't fade away from her touch, in face his warmth felt so nice against her skin. It meant that this time it was real, a smile slowly seeping onto her face but then it faded just as quickly when she saw the way he looked at her. It wasn't the same as before, there was something else there that she couldn't place. He had rescued her... but why wasn't he happy? She had so much she wanted to say to him, so why couldn't voice a single one of them? 

Was it because of what she had said in front of the clan? She had done that to save him from execution. It had killed her inside to say those thins, but it was the only thing within her power she could do to save him. "Forgive me" She slowly pulled her paw away from his chin, her eyes falling to the ground  "I just wanted to save you" she added hardly in more than a whisper

Jetfire visibly shrank back, like she had been slapped across the face. Of course...After everything she had been through it couldn’t be that easy. She retreated inwards to escape the from the pain he had just inflicted on her already fragile state of mind to avoid shattering completely. Her eyes misted over, the hope she had been clinging to severed like an amputated limb. She had imagined the day she would escape over and over again, and never once had it hurt so much.

An uncomfortable silence settled between them. Unable to find any of the words she wanted to say, waves of depression consuming her thoughts. Even her savior couldn’t forgive her for what she had done. Then why? Why had he gone to such lengths to save someone whom he couldn’t forgive? He could have just walked away, leaving her to her fate but he hadn’t. But why?

She couldn’t even forgive herself, so why would he her? Jetfire’s gaze becoming more distant with every seconds that ticked by 

“Then why save me?”

The last shreds of hope she had fought so hard to hold to slipped away like water through her claws as the last of Ghostcrown's words reached her ears. She refused to meet his gaze, the all to familiar feelings of self loathing bubbling to the fore front of her mind. It seemed that everyone she cared for was fated to suffer while she stood on the sidelines watching... Her father, nearly killed before he eyes before being thrown into prison like a criminal. Her mother, stripped of her rank and broken, being complacent in her torment as Bloodystar paraded her around like some trophy. Her siblings, forced into loveless marriages arranged by Bloodystar. Her kits that she tried so hard to to keep out of his grasp, now plagued with health issues that were her fault. All the cats that had died while she stood at his side. Unwillingly or not she had still stood there. But this... they way Ghostcrown looked at her. His eyes which once held such kindness and love for her now only held resentment. The words coming from his lips not matching what she saw clearly in his gaze. 

Every where she went she only caused more suffering and pain. Every time she tried to make things better, things only go worse. Every time she thought she had reached rock bottom, she sank deeper. Every time she thought she couldn't endure any more, she was proven wrong. The things Bloodystar had done to her had broken her spirit, wrecked her body, and driven her to suicide, and yet none of it had hurt her as deeply as this. To have someone that she cared for and placed her trust in to look at her like that way. Maybe this was just her fate, to cause pain and sufferring to everyone around her. Perhaps the best thing she could do for him now was to let him go, to disappear from his life so that she wouldn't cause him such grief any  longer.

She didn't answer him, last time she had opened up and talked about how she was feeling had nearly gotten him killed. It made his family hate him, got him exiled from his clan. Her words were dangerous things, and she wouldn't do it to him again. It was little wonder her couldn't forgive her, and yet he had still came back. Putting his life on the line once again for her. He should have just let her die that day in the desert. How many cats would have been saved from all this suffering? Bloodystars words becoming all to real, a tear sliding down her cheek. 

You are pathetic. Even in death you will never escape me. I'll go all the way to the Dark Forest to drag you back to my side, don't think I don't have the power to do it

He was right... She was pathetic, she would never be free of him. Even now when he didn't hold her captive any longer, he still had hold over her.  Erasing any future she would be able to make for herself. Doomed to be forever locked in the spiral of self hatred and suffering he had created.

"Wooow, Ghostcrown, I knew you were bad with the ladies, but I didn't realize you were this bad," Discordantmelody chimed in, had she not spoken up they probably would not have noticed her for awhile yet. In fact, she may have been standing in the entryway the whole time, there was really no telling, "If you don't want to talk about something, you do this clever tactic I call dodging the question."

She picked up the small bundle she had sat down to speak and placed it between the two of them. It was two plump mice and a white rose, basically a last minute date night. Discordantmelody was trying to help enable their romance but now she was starting to think they would have been better off had she never left. It's a lot easier being evil... There's no emotion more honest than anger, hatred and greed. This kind of crap is annoying.

"Anyways... I think we should take a break on talking about the hard stuff and instead have a bit to eat. I promise I didn't poison anything," She cased a sideways glance at Ghostcrown, he probably didn't know this but she had in fact poisoned Raypaw not all the long ago. He lived so it was water under the bridge as far as she was concerned. She pushed a mouse toward Jetfire and decided to keep the other one to herself, she didn't want to reward Ghostcrown for being an ass, "Are you comfortable, Jetfire? Firetooth will be here shortly, so if you have any aches and pains, nows the time to narrow them down to your top three because I don't think he likes to work very hard."

Ghostcrown jumped when he heard Discordantmelody's voice, and his ears flattened as he looked over at her. Bloodystar was her brother, and she had only changed her mind about him when he was clearly losing the siege. He didn't trust her even a bit... but he wasn't in a position to be making judgments either. They were in SwiftClan now, Jetfire was safe, and it wasn't his place to decide who to trust. Discordantmelody did help them in the end, so he said nothing as she entered.

And... yeah, she was right that he had butchered his meeting, but he couldn't help feeling a little offended by her comment. He had won over The Huntress, he wasn't that bad with ladies, it just happened that he had something serious to talk about now. He wasn't trying to seduce Jetfire, he was fighting to make things right between them again.

The exile couldn't help his sudden grin when Jetfire spoke. It disappeared as quickly as it came -- he knew he shouldn't be happy, Jetfire wouldn't want her gone without good reason. Discordantmelody must have treated her cruelly or the queen would have taken any excuse not to be alone with Ghostcrown again. But it was enough, for just a second they had been on the same page again, and Ghostcrown was blessed with a feeling of normalcy.

"Thanks for the prey, Discordantmelody. See you around." Ghostcrown's stomach was empty, but he didn't like the way she looked at him when she talked about poison, and he was suddenly glad that she hadn't brought him anything. He glanced sideways at Jetfire and offered her a tentative smile as he added, "she's right about my brother, he can be a bit prickly... but I think you'll like him. He's been wanting to meet you ever since I was exiled, and he's the only reason I could help rescue you at all."

Discordantmelody wasn’t wrong, now that her kits were out and having been starved she looked frail and sickly. Like the slightest puff of wind could send her flying. The combination of her traumatic  kitting, nursing, and the siege had taken a toll on her body. She wasn’t producing a lot of milk at this point, and even her kits were beginning to thin. To keep the hinder pains away, she had been given clay to fill her stomach. It tasted gross, had few nutrients, but it did keep her from cramping. Still she shoved the mouse back at Discordantmelody with utter disdain “I’d rather go hungry” she laid her head back on her paws, a quiet protest. She wanted nothing to do with, nothing that reminded her of Bloodystar. Even if she was telling the truth, it did nothing to improve her standing with Jetfire, it just meant that Discordantmelody wanted something from her. 

Jetfire felt one of the kits at her side stiffen, snapping her up as the first tremor began “Not again!” She nearly wailed, taking her paws and moving Secretkit onto his, and tilting his head upwards. She placed a firm paw over his body as it began to spasm violently trying to keep him from hurting himself or his siblings. Tears already forming at the corners of her eyes and she began to sob lowering her muzzle and licking the kit gently even as his claws tore into her face “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s all my fault” she whispered over and over again, as his seizure took hold

The Swiftclan Medicine Cat was surprisingly alone for a cat who had just helped rescue a Queen and her sickly kits from a life of oppression, keeping to the far back of the small hollow he had made his temporary den while Freckledpaw was out fetching plants. Most of his herbs were resting in piles on fern, fig, and monstera leaves, ready to be picked up and moved at a moment's notice. Who knew how long Chimerastar planned on having the clan stay here, especially after he had messed with Sunclan again. The tom's nose wrinkled; he still reeked of ash and smoke. Saving Jetfire brought out a far different feeling than saving Autumngossamer did - one quiet and introspective, maybe because he wasn't the one playing the hero this time. Even watching from the outside this time, only solidified his understanding that this was his purpose, his life's calling...and maybe, maybe one that his brother could join him in.

"Come quickly, one of the kits is in trouble!"

Firetooth's head snapped towards the den entrance at the sound of Ghostcrown's call, his startled face quickly settling into a serious expression as he curtly nodded, and began gathering a variety of different herbs almost on instinct. "What are the symptoms, Ghostcrown?"

Jetfire kept close watch over her kit, licking him gently and nosing him while he flailed her muzzled already bleeding as his tiny claws hooked into her thin skin "I'm sorry" she repeated, sobbing. THe poison she has ingested to kill them all had affected all of her kits in one way or another. Secretkit had been having seizures since the day he had been born. Each time they seemed to be getting worse and worse, and she was powerless to do anything but position him so that he wouldn't choke. Bloodystar blamed the seizures on the poison she had taken to try and kill herself... At first she had tried to convince herself that it wasn't her fault, but hearing it over and over again had set in stone in her mind... All of her kits had something wrong with them, what else could it be that caused it? She knew no amount of apologies or prayers would ever be able to fix this...

"Your not dying" Jetfire cooed, trying to calm her down even though she was in tears herself. Fawnkit needed to stay calm to protect her weak heart, this kind of stress wasn't good for her. She wiped away her own tears even though all she wanted to was curl into a ball and just make it all go away. Her kits needed her. She nosed Fawnkit gently, leaving a little blood on her forehead "Secretkit is just having another seizure, his claw caught your nose is all. Look, he got me to" she kept her paw firmly on secretkit while she licked her daughter between the ears "Its going to be ok, it will stop soon" she forced a purr, trying to soothe her daughter  "We will get you a cobwebs, and your nose will be all better"