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Senescence had been residing in WinterClan's prisons for a while. Her daughter in law seemed to think it was a good punishment for simply wanting to spend more time with her and Howlingnight after their wedding. Technically, this just gave her what she wanted, plus a chance to keep an eye on Bluejay's kits. And what she saw was something that wasn't exactly what she liked.
There were very, very few things Sen didn't just brush off, kit abuse was one of them. Straight up murdering a kit in her mind was less horrific a crime, provided the death was swift and relatively painless.
Honestly, the she-cat almost didn't realize Alvah was beneath her now, her claws resting against his throat, claws pricking against his skin, a heartbeat from tearing his neck to pieces if she so wished. Blood welled up at his skin, and the League Proxy looked down at her adopted son, her grandson in reality, with eyes that could only be described as dead. Not long before, Senescence had killed Blazehowl for abusing Spring. This look was even darker, if such a thing was possible. Copper flashed over her eyes and stayed there for a moment too long, and if Howlingnight didn't already know better, and perhaps even if he did, he might worry that she did, in fact, have her demonic powers at her disposal.
A growl rumbled deep in her throat. No one present had likely ever seen her so downright seething. The sort of beyond fury that could not ever be reasoned with. Senescence was half a heartbeat away from choosing to slaughter the entirety of WinterClan for allowing this to happen. Half a second away from marching up to Wintrystar and killing her where she stood for imprisoning Bluejay in the first place.
"Repeat that for me again, Alvah Faris. What exactly did you 'happen upon?'" Her voice was low, her body almost brokenly loose as her one good eye bored into his. If there was one thing Senescence had never really been with her kits, it was angry. Mildly annoyed, perhaps, or vaguely amused, but never angered, never this downright enraged.
Howlingnight had never minded his mothers company at the wedding. He had also never been a follower, but since falling in love he acted like Wintrystar's dog, loyal and obedient. So when his mom was locked up he hadn't protested outside of the initial objection he made. He knew her well enough to be alright, plus they had time to talk. But when he tracked blood in the prison he was asked whose it was. There was a time where he would have been clever because emotionally he was attached enough to recognize there were lines that couldn't be crossed. Now he was removed humanity to the point that he didn't even think twice to tell her that it was Dirtykit's. Explained how he watched while her mother tortured on. Really he thought that was the right thing, to be there for the kit, to not leave. He didn't even think twice that the torture to the kit was an issue because he never viewed the demons as children.
That's when he found the paws of the she-cat who raised him digging into his throat. Only then was he learning that his behavior was bad, that his mom wouldn't hesitate to kill or "retrain" him because she could and would.
His head lied to the side, he didn't try and fight her off of him because he knew he already lost. If it were anyone else holding him down he would have had just as dead of an expression as his mother, but she was one of the few people he could really see. Not as just a body, but as somebody. He cared about his moms opinion, what she felt and feeling her wrath was enough to make the fear shine off of his eyes, "I heard Dottymask screaming at someone. Snowbunny disobeyed orders, he wouldn't do what it took to get the demon out of Dirtykit. So I had to force him into submission. But then Dottymask wanted to keep trying with the exorcism, I felt I should be there if things got bad... And they did because she bled too much."
It wasn't seconds after Howlingnight's repetition that he would suddenly find himself being dragged right out of WinterClan camp. If the cats noticed, they didn't care. Or, well, no one was quick enough to stop Senescence, at least, and she didn't particularly pay attention to see if there were any alerts made.
Once out into the cold, she strays away from where she could find scent markers, until she was far enough out that, at least for a little while, Sen didn't think anyone would interrupt. From there, she literally threw Howlingnight, tossing him directly at the rock a few lengths ahead, showing a rare strength for the she-cat. Not that she wasn't generally strong, she just didn't usually use more than necessary, while this was clearly far more than she needed to simply throw him. She was trying to make it hurt. "And why in the hell did you let her do that, Alvah?" Her gaze settled on him with a frigid emptiness, as if all the love she held for him, however hard it was too see, had suddenly been stripped away to reveal a monster. "I never took you for a loyal lapdog, and I certainly didn't raise you one."
Howlingnight tried to save himself the shame of being dragged by walking with her, but eventually had to give up his attempts as she pulled him along fast. She had never punished him or his sisters before, but now could see why. There was nothing they could normally do to bother her, but if they did there was no in between. He hardly felt a pause when he was thrown without warning into the rock. He let out a grunt slumping over, but once more stayed down. On some level they both had respect for one another as family, he knew she wouldn't kill him unlike if he was not her family. For him she would always be his mom, no matter who he became, which meant she could punish him how she saw fit.
"I thought it was worth it to see if the exorcism would work. Then they wouldn't have to suffer anymore," He said, his gaze locked on hers even though he'd rather look away, "You're right, you trained to be an individual, so much so that I never looked at anyone. But with Wintrystar it was like seeing color for the first time, I knew I'd kill for her, there are so many new emotions I've never felt before in my entire life. I'm... Okay with her owning me, I want her to have my heart," He said, blushing at the thought of his mate. "Please, let me have this life?"
He knew she could drag him away to be retrained and watched, likely in the confines of the league, but he wanted to stay with Wintrystar. He liked her cruelty, her venom in every word, the coldness that radiated off of her. In every way they never fit in with the world they fit in together. She was the first person he ever had feelings for and he fell in love harder than a rock.
"That's a worthless excuse and we both know it. If bleeding someone half to death could quell a demon, then I would be an angel by now, wouldn't I?" In a way, Senescence appreciated Alvah keeping her gaze. If he couldn't look her in the eye, that would have probably enraged her further, at least he still had some self respect left. Honestly, she had no idea how he could let anyone own him, the mere idea sent her mind spiraling into the deepest shadows of her mind, dredging up old memories.
For a moment, she was back in a cage, but despite her thin frame, the cold dragging at her bones, the darkness that threatened to overwhelm her, Naveen couldn't help but laugh, opening a few of the barely scabbed over wounds from her most recent fight. His face was still clear as day in her mind, and then in a moment, she watched the light melt away from his gaze as she held him in her paws, his blood coating her claws, tears streaming down her face.
Howlingnight's face seemed to seep back into view, and Senescence stood there, still staring at him with that icy blankness, not even seeming to realize the tears staining her cheeks. "Be careful what you wish for and who you give your heart to." She warned lowly. "You might just have to face her in battle one day, and by that time, it's too late to get your heart back."
The massive feline chose not to elaborate as she stalked forward until she was almost nose to nose with her adopted son. "Ultimately, I don't care what you do, I don't own you, thought you seem to be plenty happy to let someone take advantage of you. But Alvah, you are no better than the same rogues who you ran from. In fact, you are far, far worse. You know the kind of pain they're going through. You know kits don't deserve that, to be treated the way they are for the lives they didn't choose for themselves." She pulled back and then punched him directly in the abdomen. Senescence was going easy on him. She wasn't pulling punches, but she wasn't clawing him to shreds either.
Guilt wormed inside of him as tears drew tracks along his mother's cheeks, "Mom I'm-"
His ears twitched at the urge to flatten them as he was scolded, but even then he knew that she would never understand. When he was younger he never liked the idea that he would have to obey a leader no matter what clan he joined, but he accepted it. Much like his mother he figured he would bend the rules, do as he pleased, get away with just about as much as he possibly could without obeying a single order. However with Wintrystar he was caught on her every word and there were few of them, yet he wanted more. She was so authoritative, uncaring, he was enthralled by the way she loved on him like he were her new puppy. She admired his power, even felt she was below him, yet he wanted nothing more than for her to use him. No one ever felt worthy before he met her. For his mom though, probably no one in her life lived to be worthy of her.
The side of his face lowered deeper into the snow as she approached him. She listened as she repeated the same words as Fia, he was no better than the rogues. They kept repeating those words as though he cared, as though he were still a beaten up kitten. "Mom," He said, calm, but uncertain as he saw the swing coming, but it stopped nothing. Pain exploded in his abdomen, hot and furious. He could feel the air escape him hitching his breath in a sharp cry before losing his breath completely. On instinct he curled up into a ball, his breath finally returning to him, but it didn't last long as he lost control rather quickly as a few sobs escaped his throat. He could have handled the hit, but knowing it was his mom giving him the punishing blow because she knew he deserved it was enough to break down his emotional walls.
Slowly regaining his composure he started to lie back down straight again. He was quiet now without the back talking, more submissive. His haint blue eyes stared up at her, hurt reflecting on the surface. From moments ago to now he suddenly didn't feel very far from being the beaten up kitten he was back with the rogues.
Post by Honeystorm on Oct 15, 2020 20:45:04 GMT -5
Sen had never hit Alvah before. Well, not as a punishment. Training, sparring, a cuff over the head, none of those were quite the same as a hard blow purely as a discipline. For that matter, Sen had never once hit any of her kits like this before. Not Lorelei, not Fia, not Agamede, not Ahava. She sat down hard, staring through him more than at him as he broke down, stayed utterly silent as he finally calm down.
After a long few moments, she lifted the paw she'd hit him with, flexing her claws, opening and clenching the paw, and still she said nothing, now not even looking at the younger tom. The Proxy could hit him again. She debated it, though inwardly, she doubted it would be worth it. She knew Howlingnight would take every blow if he thought she felt he deserved it, but despite the fact he was now an adult, he would always see her as his mother, and she wasn't about to become yet another authority figure in his life that abused him.
Placing her paw on the ground, she closed her eyes, forcing a breath. She wasn't all back, but now her expression shifted, it showed a fraction more emotion, somewhere between boredom and disappointment. "No apology in the world will bring back Dirtykit if she dies. If it were one of Fia's kits, one of your own kits, would you just sit by and watch instead of intervene? You've been in WinterClan a while. A few weeks before Fia and Glowstar came to ask about Bluejay, I stumbled upon two cats, Lakeveil and Blazehowl, perhaps you remember them, they used to belong to BrookClan. They were abusing Spring, Lakeveil's daughter, a young apprentice. Must have been the cause of all her injuries from kittenhood on." She rubbed her chest almost unconsciously, in the same place the pendant of the necklace she'd given to her niece used to rest. She hadn't explained to Alvah where the piece she wore had went. "I spent hours ripping them to shreds slowly, and in the end, I snapped Blazehowl's neck, right in front of his twin, while she was helpless. The only reason Lakeveil didn't end up dead is because of Yuccablossom. She was the only cat in DayClan willing to challenge me on what I did to those two."
Maybe he didn't care about the story, but it was quite relevant. "If you weren't my kit, I'd have no issue in killing you for not helping Dirtykit, and WinterClan doesn't have so many Eeries that could stop me. I expect more from you, Alvah. There are very, very few lines I draw, but condoning kit abuse I will not stand for, particularly when it's for extended periods of time throughout their youth. Even a swift death is more merciful. You don't have to care for or be responsible for keeping tabs on every kit, but I expect that you step in when you see or hear about obvious displays of undue harm against a kitten and shut it down."
She could watch it happen, the way he went from a person, her son, holding back sobs to the small, almost unnoticeable facial movements slowly draining away his misery. His mind hollowed his heart, leaving him with only the tears as an aftermath of the emotional walls that had broken. He was regenerating, but instead of regenerating emotion it was a wave of detachment washing over him.
He listened and after a moment of no words nodded, "Okay, that's alright then. One of Bluejay's kits will do the job of finishing me off for you," He said, his voice always sounding nicer than who he really was. Standing back up again he brushed the snow from his fur and tears from his eyes, "Dissociating is a dangerous trick. That's what I've done for a while now. It started with Lorelei, I finally was able to sleep at night if I could play pretend that she wasn't my sister, that I didn't leave her. I could live through the trauma if I hollowed out every emotion that made me me. Trauma was like a scab and I kept picking at it until I hit bone. Now there's nothing left to tear at. I guess you're just stronger than me, living with the emotions instead of tearing them from you. Speaking from what emotion is left of me, I'm sorry I gave up on myself. Living as the old me was like fighting a battle I had to win everyday, I just became tired. I hope someone defeats me though, but I don't want it to be you. That's why it'll be Bluejay's kits."
He didn't seemed phased by her story of Blazehowl and Lakeveil, it was too far removed from anything he could care about. "When Wintrystar becomes pregnant... I'll practice caring."
Senescence smiled softly, for once looking like an actual mother, though the expression was sad and seemed to stare into Alvah with a knowing quality. "You remind me of myself." As the tom became more detached, she seemed to become more present, far more than normal. She rose to her paws again. This was perhaps the most honest she'd been with about anyone in her family, though she knew he wouldn't care. That he couldn't care, because it hurt too much to face the darkness. "When life got tough, I became my demons, quite literally, I turned to everything I once hated and more just to cope with the pain of it all. Bury it all down so deep until you don't feel it anymore. Refuse to care, give up on morality, accept that the world is a terrible place because you were alone, and you did things you can't ever take back."
In some ways, staring at his haint blue eyes was like looking into a mirror, albeit a younger version of herself, more like she was when she joined the League. "I'm not stronger than you, Alvah, just older. I've walked the edge of life and death time and time and time again, and wished I could just tip over to the edge into nothingness. I've seen gods and faced demons, and I've lived despite wanting nothing more than to fall asleep and just never wake up again." She finally wiped at her already near dry face, then stepped forward, her paw brushing against Alvah Faris' cheek. "You didn't lose the battle, and you didn't give up on yourself, you and Wintrystar are proof enough of that."
She was starting to sound like her mother, and Sen was suddenly very glad they were in the middle of nowhere, because she didn't think Glowstar would ever let this die if she found out.
