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[attr="class","box2"]A long moon for the whole clan, the romance festival was finally coming to an end. With everything going on, he hadn't got to spend a lot of time with Autumngossamer. He had to practically threaten the other Janus just to let him take her out for their date. It had been a pain in his tail, but worth it. Any time he spent with her was worth it.
A purr rumbled in his throat, as he curled up around her as she slept in her nest that they shared. Since he was part of her family, he was allowed to sleep in the family dens that made up part of the Janus camp. He lowered his head and rested in lightly on her shoulder after his tongues rasped over her ears a few times.
"I know you have had a long day and are tired..." he murmmered softly, his fluffy tail wrapping around her and pulling her in close "but I can't sleep... how could I after getting such news?"
Autumngossamer immediately felt a groan about to rumble in her throat, she knew where this was going. A midnight stroll maybe, staying up late gossiping about the latest, usually she was all for it, but after spending entire days individually with her kits she was easily exhausted. But she had finished mommy and me dates a day ago so it wasn't like today she spent a tireless day, "Yeah, what kind of news? Is it juicy?" She smirked, but pawed at him like an alarm clock to stop licking at her ears, although in his defense, he was absolutely right. If he didn't keep her awake she would follow back to sleep. Although now she may as well be up.
[attr="class","box2"]Stop playing around" he chuckled, batting playfully at her shoulder. "Im serious, this is huge. How are you not freaking out right now?" he blinked, a look of utter confusion crossing his face, before slowly fading into a blank look as if he was deep in thought.
"Oh... I'm sorry I didn't know that you were trying to keep it from me. I just found out and I...." he reasoned trying to put the pecies together. Of course she knew. How could she not? How had he found out before her. He sighed, standing up and pulling away. His paw stretching out and feeling under the edge of the nest that she share until he pulled out a blue feather. It was stunningly beautiful, with blues and purples and delicate white dots. He let his paw stroke it gently before sitting it before her
"I got this for you" he finally meowed "after the Sun God told me the news He said that in DayClan this feather represented miracles..." he trailed off, not sure how to find the words that seemed to be caught in his throat "He said that he has granted us a miracle of our own.... Autumngossamer... my love.... your pregnant" his heart pounded in chest as he said the words.
"Lovesmitten," Autumngossamer started out nicely before her words cut a little, but even in her most angry moments she couldn't raise her voice enough to break his heart. One look into those eyes and she was always weak for him, "WHY would that be good news? You know I don't ever want to be pregnant because that scares the hell out of me. I would literally rather kill myself than go through pregnancy. KILL. MY. SELF."
Autumngossamer rolled over to looked away from Lovesmitten and mumbled, "You're lucky I'm intent on sleeping, this can be future Autumn's problem."
She snuggled into her nest and breathed in blissfully before breathing out into slumber. She breathed in relaxed and at peace and out into slumber. INTO SLUMBER... Come on sleep!
Autumngossamer shot up in her nest, "Great, now I'm awake." She rubbed at her forehead trying to get her thoughts together. This was way too late at night, she wanted to react in panic and sobbing and probably lots of comfort food, but she also wanted a chance at being well rested for a stressful day. She looked into Lovesmitten's doe eyes with a tired expression, ugh, it was really going to be hard to fling herself off of a cliff when he looked so happy to have kits. She should feel bad for not giving him a happy moment, but they also had their happy parenting moment when they adopted so nothing was truly robbed.
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Feb 28, 2020 23:34:44 GMT -5
[attr="class","box2"]His ears slowly dropped, her words cutting him deeply. He knew that she never wanted to be pregnant, but he had hoped that if it actually happened that she would find it within her to find some joy in the moment. To realize that even if it wasn't something that she had wanted, that this was a good thing.
His eyes began to tear up, his bottom lip quivering at the utter harshness of her words. But what hurt the worst was the pain that she was in... She would rather die than have his kits...
"No..." he whispered as she turned away from him, his heart shattering as she did so. As much as he wanted these kits, he wanted her more. She was the love of his life, the one who wanted to be with forever... He couldn't loose her, but there was only one way to save her. The pregnancy had to be ended.
"No... there are other ways" he trailed off, choking on the words as if everyone was a thorn in his throat "you could end the pregnancy..." [newclass=.box2]margin:0px auto; width:300px; height:425px; background: transparent; overflow:auto; padding:8px;[/newclass] [newclass=.box2::-webkit-scrollbar]width:5px;[/newclass] [newclass=.box2::-webkit-scrollbar-thumb]background: #772929;[/newclass]
She caught sight of his tears, "No," She said in a warning voice, but her eyes teared up too watching him cry, "Don't you," She listened and she could feel him reaching inside of himself and taking out the happiness he had built up all day and prying it out from himself. The thought of another litter attached to his heart and with it she feel it as he tugged the words free, the love for having another litter out of his heart in favor for her. Autumngossamer could hardly look at his face and when she couldn't look at him out of shame and when she couldn't bear to hear his heart break further a sob erupted from deep within her and she buried her head into Lovesmitten's chest sobbing into his fur.
"I'M SORRY!" She cried removing her head from him to look up at him. He was so PERFECT.
"I'm sorry for putting my needs above yours. I'm sorry for so much! I'm sorry for not missing my sisters. I'm sorry I let SunClan steal Rubyflame's kits. I'm sorry for blocking Glowstar from her true love. I'm sorry for humiliating weak people. I'm sorry for teaming up with the Shadow Era. And I'm sorry that I don't treat anyone like a person because being kind is actually really scary, I'm such a wimp that I can't tell anyone a single nice thing without fearing they can dominate me so I just bury them in insults. I'm on a throne, but no one even admires me! I promise that I want to be better, but I'm just so scared, I'm so scared all the time that I'll fail at being a good person that I just stay confident in being the worst person possible. I'm sorry for not supporting your dreams for a family when you've supported mine. I'm sorry, Lovesmitten!"
She wiped at her tears, but the moment her gaze met his again she began sobbing all over again, "I made your heart break, I'm the WORST person in the world. If I wasn't me I'd claw the face out of any punk who made you cry." She sniffed, a rage momentarily flaring at the idea of someone hurting him before lowering her gaze so she wouldn't cry again, "I'm so selfish and you're so dedicated, we're like fire and ice," She said, trying to form her thoughts together, but her words still came out with soft cries, "I want you to have a voice in this, let's stay up all night, for us and our future. Let's figure this out together, like we always do."
She held a paw out to Lovesmitten, "We're a team right?"
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Feb 29, 2020 13:42:16 GMT -5
[attr="class","box2"]He pulled her close, letting her cry into the fur of his chest as tears slipped down his own cheeks. The thought of Autumngossamer ending the pregnancy was heart wrenching, but the thought of loosing her and all the pain she was going through was far worse. He could live another day without having kits of his own, but he couldn't live even a moment without her. He placed his paw gently onto hers when she extended it
"You have nothing to apologize for" he let his tail gently caress her back as he spoke "I know this isn't what you wanted... You didn't ask for this... You were always clear about that" he murmered
"I don't want you to be unhappy" he added sadly his ears folding back against his head [newclass=.box2]margin:0px auto; width:300px; height:425px; background: transparent; overflow:auto; padding:8px;[/newclass] [newclass=.box2::-webkit-scrollbar]width:5px;[/newclass] [newclass=.box2::-webkit-scrollbar-thumb]background: #772929;[/newclass]
"You're such," She sniffed back sobs, "A nice person. I want you to be happy too just like how you want me to be happy. I'm just, I know I'm not normal and it's going to sound super stupid, but the thought of having skin sacks that grow inside of me and burst out feels violating. I feel emasculated at the idea of being pregnant, I- I don't like feeling powerless and it's absolutely embarrassing, the idea of being pregnant and my body changing without my consent and then screaming like an idiot when I give birth. I'm going to literally have an anxiety attack right now, I swear." She breathed in pausing her breaths and letting them slip out a few times before catching herself, "And there's so much blood and you really have no control of any of it. It's humiliating to be too much of a coward to have your kits. I want to give you the world, but I'm failing at being a she-cat, I'm failing you. I wish I was never there that day... If I had never gone with the rest of the Janus I wouldn't be like this... I can't unsee what I saw," She said, the adrenaline causing her to shake.
Her true form that the Sun God had cursed her with was peaking out, her skin was literally crawling by the time she had pulled away from Lovesmitten. She didn't want him to have to see her face to face like this.
In her paw she held the feather he had given her and stroked it a little, it seemed to give her comfort as her body slowly started to rest, not taking to its complete form and slowly shifting back to normal. Something seemed to catch up with her, the Sun God had blessed them with making her pregnant, why? She shook the thought from her mind for a moment, "You said I could end the pregnancy, I'm not making any decisions, especially not without both of us talking this through way more, I just want to know what that entails."
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Feb 29, 2020 14:27:53 GMT -5
[attr="class","box2"]I don't know" he replied looking down at his paws, his heart pounding. He really didn't, but the images of his mother came flooding back to him. How she had taunted them when they were younger, saying that she should have ended the pregnancy when she had the chance. How she described in vivid detail on how worthless the all were and that if they ever dared to have children of their own, that she would poison their mates to end the pregnancy.
Despite trying to be brave for her, Lovesmitten began to trembled. The memories filling his mind and the fear that he thought he had managed to put behind him long ago began to surface. Was this his mothers revenge? To finally have what he wanted within his grasp and have it torn away in blood and violence?
In that moment he could remember it all to clearly, how he and his siblings had killed their mother in secret. Sure it had been to save each other from a terrible fate, but she had still been their mother...
"I have just heard others speak of it... When you first said that you didn't want to have any kits it was something that I had looked into... Mountainsound would know more"
She couldn't help her eye from twitching, he offered up the idea, but didn't even know the answer? The fact that Lovesmitten suggested something he didn't even know about was... Actually super charming in a cute kind of way, it reminded her how adorable he really was. It was enough to wake her up from her distress to notice the look of fear he had. They had to support each other.
"Lovesmitten," She said placing her paw comfortingly over his again, she could feel it trembling beneath hers, but her voice was disarming and warm, the side of herself she only let him know. "I'm not doing that unless you feel comfortable. That means, your word alone isn't enough, you can say it's okay for me to let them go. But I can tell in your heart you want this. They're yours too and," She came in close next to him, "I love our family, we've done such an amazing job already with our kits. You said you don't want me to be unhappy, but I am happy, I'm just scared out of my mind. I'm scared of the process, but I'm not scared of what comes after." Her paw reached up to his cheek comfortingly. It was weird how easy and natural it was to face life long fears when it's to protect someone you love, in this case his heart. The weight, the reality, it was still there, but something else was there with it and it was Lovesmitten. It also allowed her to clear her mind a bit from the initial fear and frustration.
"I also don't like the fact that neither of us gave consent to have a litter and have made clear choices to prevent pregnancies and yet the Sun God decided for us that I'm going to be pregnant because apparently he feels enough ownership over my body to decide that? Kind of creepy if you ask me. I mean think about it, can he just decide that Amber or Scarlet or Ginger or Sienna are going to become pregnant without any of their say? You said it yourself, he granted us this miracle. I think we need to contact the Sun God for answers, he's a jerk, but he's not a creep."
She stood up looking back at Lovesmitten, "Midnight adventure to the Sun God?"
[attr="class","box2"]H e dipped his head, trying to take in the words she was saying. Perhaps the Sun God would be able to clear this up, but when the Sun God had told him about the pregnancy he had made it clear that this pregnancy was a gift for them... something to be celebrated. "No matter what happens, I will be by your side through the whole thing. Even if you yell and scream, and swipe at my ears. I won't leave you to face this alone" he nuzzled up against her cheek
He meant every word of what he had said. He had even been willing to stand by and watch her end the pregnancy if that is what she needed to do to be happy. "I love you Autumngossamer, and we will get through this"
"That means so much," She whispered nuzzling him in return, "Although I will not swipe at those cute lil ears of yours," She purred rubbing her nose against his lovingly.
This would be an impending fear, but it wasn't as scary as she thought it would be and maybe it was because after talking down about how much she didn't want it she could see in his eyes the restless dedication he had for her and their future. He would never let anyone talk down to her, he would never leave her side, he would never stop reminding her that she was worthy. "I'll really need you to help me be brave. The curse I got, it morphs my body when I lose my confidence in myself. That could really hurt the kits if my body suddenly changes shape like that."
The deity, of course, was waiting already atop the stone in Ceremony Springs for them. He waited patiently, the firelight that emanated from his pelt casting a flickering glow in the space around him, warm and comforting, yet dangerous all the same, the earth thrumming with the power of his mere presence. They wouldn't have to travel far to meet him, so it seemed. Not that this was too surprising, he seemed to like this particular place in the territory, for one reason or other, despite the incredible humidity of the area.
Autumngossamer saw him up ahead and filled in the space between them. Making sure Lovesmitten was at her side she greeted the Sun God, "Hello up there," She called up to him, it was amusing seeing him lounge at the top, she didn't know why, maybe because of how casual he was being relaxing up there.
"I heard that you granted my husband and I a miracle and that we're pregnant and if that's true, like why after I clearly showed I didn't ever want to be pregnant and literally took herbal precautions to avoid this?"
She wasn't going to beat around the bush about it. On one hand, she better be pregnant because he did not just lie to her mate and get him excited for nothing. On the other hand she better not be pregnant or she was walking out of this clan. Okay well not walk out right away, but like, he better had a legitimate reason.
"Indeed you are. I'm rather surprised you didn't notice it yourself, or think this would happen, but rest assured, you are expecting." He answered, head resting on his crossed paws. "Tell me, Autumngossamer, why are you coming to me with this? It should hardly have been a shock." The deity questioned, as though the answer of it all were rather obvious. The Sun God certainly didn't seem... angry, with her, he was much too casual for that. But this whole thing seemed incredibly strange.
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Mar 2, 2020 20:28:01 GMT -5
[attr="class","box2"]He wrapped his tail around hers trying to be supportive as possible, despite the swirling storm of emotions that lied withing. Was it terrible that he had been hoping for this to happen? Was that why the Sun God had granted them this miracle. His eyes fell to the ground.
Of course he had wanted deep down for her to get pregnant, but he had respected her wishes enough to not take action to make it happen. Even if he had wished for it, it wasn't all about what he wanted. The two of them were a team, and seeing the despair on her face made him regret even have those inner thoughts...
He had always known that she was afraid of being pregnant, but not to the extent that she would rather die that see herself grow round with little ones. What did you say to that? Was this whole thing really his fault? Had the Sun God looked inside him and saw his secret desires?
His heart began to ache, was he the cause of her misery?
"I really hope that's not a fat comment on your part," Autumngossamer breathed out, her face hot with anger for only a moment before composing herself, "Why should it not be shocking? I took multiple herbs to make pregnancy be literally impossible, this seems pretty in reason for it to be shocking. I only want a straight answer."
His whiskers twitched as he gave a soft laugh. "Oh no, not at all. There's changes other than physical appearance that come with a pregnancy, you know." The Sun God assured. "As for why you should know, think back to the last time we spoke, what did I say to you?"
It didn't take much for him to recall the memory, his possession of Littlestar, speaking to her through her, rather than gracing her with his presence. In fact, this was the first time they'd seen each other face to face, truly, since she'd become Soothsayer. A momentous occasion, or, it would be, if she were the slightest bit happy to see him. "For your betrayal of the clan, I warned you. I told you your own body would betray you. Herbs are fallible, Gossy, no matter what you're using. They can go stale, lose effectiveness over time as the body builds up tolerance, a whole host of things. It is never wise to rely so heavily on such means."
Autumngossamer breathed out for a second time, her eyes clearer than they ever looked, "Alright."
She moved up the stone and sat next to the Sun God looking up at him, "I know that's not true, that's literally not even close to how birth control works. But I also messed up and you needed a good soothsayer and I sucked eggs at it. I'm sorry I didn't believe in myself the way you believed in me. But since then I've pulled myself together and I've discovered new techniques and I've been a pretty awesome mom lately too." She placed a paw over Sun God's arm, "You are the worst person I've ever met in my life. You literally ruin peoples lives, sometimes end them. You're honestly a con of an adoring God and I have never respected you more than when you are an awful person because I am too, I love that about you, I wouldn't want you any other way."
Her paw stirred in the ground, "Listen, I don't know how to go about asking this. Are you like, mad at me? Cause like, yes, obvs I was mad at you before, but the whole curse thing was sooo last moon. So really unless you have anything you want to air out I don't really see why we shouldn't go back to being friends or even best friends. So if you got some pent up frustrations, let it out now big guy. Let's work through this."
Despite what she said about the birth control, he shrugged. There was no absolute method, even when they were used perfectly, they were still never one hundred percent effective. But, that was beside the point, he supposed. He didn't really need to justify himself to anyone, after all.
"My anger towards you ceased the moment I set your punishment." The deity answered honestly. He wasn't the sort to hold grudges, usually. His sibling was an exception. The Sun God was the sort to act and then move on, and had rather proven it time and time again. From Foxbane's assassins who were after her, to the Pandora situation, he'd been rather upfront with it all, even if his punishments came to pass at their own paces. He had his plans, but tended to act in the moment, not always with as much forethought as he ought to. "You are my Soothsayer, and so shall you stay."
