They whisper, in their fairytales, in their legends, in their tales as old as time; that there is a happy ending to be found for everyone. Find the right friends, explore the world, discover new possibilities and you shall find your happy ending. Or, in a far more simple solution, simply find the one you love and they will bring with them your happy ending. At-least that's how it always seems to go in the stories. Even cats like himself, cats whose past follows them, written out in the bloody steps they leave behind, are promised a redemption. It matters little if ones whole life has been spent dealing out death in increasingly creative ways for that is all they know how to do. It will be solved by the power of love and a pretty things smile. So when he first fell for anothers brilliant smile that seemed to light up even the darkest parts of himself he thought she was his happy ending. So besotted he was with her, the whole tale was in black and white. A queen without a kingdom and a knight willing to gift her one if only allowed to spend the rest of hist life by her side. When the time came for them to run away together, for them to finally reach the end of their story and move onto their 'happily ever after' he was completely blindsided to find her nowhere to be found. But it was a small hardship, surely she was just testing his devotion, and he would not fail her. His own personal health fell to the wayside as he searched for his happy ended, following whispers and rumors of her passing. Until he was pointed towards the wilds, where she was said to have fled from her twolegs heavily pregnant with their kits. And so, devoted to his love as he was, he followed in her path. Chasing a light that he could never quite catch, always just out of his grasp. Finally the news of new life came to him and his mates sickly decline came to him through an older she-cat who had helped his queen with the birth. Words of worry spoken to his frantic heartbeat, and words of caution of her mind thrown as his retreating steps. It was not a happy ending that he found when he finally came upon her but instead the beginning of a tragedy. For there was no life to be found within Empress, the she-cat he had abandoned his life, his health, and everything he knew for. Nor were there four kits to be found with her, though the old she-cat who had helped birth them named all four of them to him as they had been dictated by Empress. For days he lingered by her cold body, finding no warmth for his own shaking frame until he could no longer deny his need to move on once more. He buried her in the middle of the night, fighting against frozen ground and went to find their children. The continuation of their stories, he no longer expected a happy ending or an ending at all. Nightmares were everlasting after all and surely his life could no longer be anything but. Coming upon the clan lands he feared for his kits lives, flinching at any news rather good or bad. For what use would he be to them in the end? But still he searched until he reached Fallclan, where they had followed home the clans deputy. He lingered there, on the border, for days until he no longer could deny his desire to see. To see the life Empress had spent her last moons nurturing. His new name, his new identity came easy to him, for what would his life in Fallclan be other than a suspended illusion. He sold himself as a healer, using his knowledge of dangerous herbs to his advantage. As if his paws had ever nurtured any for of life, as if he was not dripping red from the crevices of his black broken soul. Nothing but a charlatan pandering an image for a small chance to inhabit a corner of his kits lives. For a chance to be involved in their growth while staying out of the way of their futures. He would never have his happy ending, but he would kill any who threatened his childrens. Would protect their innocence and futures with a greediness of a glutton. And if that meant delivering kits, healing cranky apprentices, and weathering every hardship thrown at him then he would rise to the challenge. He would fake what he didn't know and thrive in what he did know. Placid as a puddle on a still day to those around him, but his eyes are shrewd and his claws sharp. There is something dangerous about Suspendedillusion, found within his feverous dedication to fallclan for reasons unknown to those around him. Seen within his movements that were more comparable to a mountain lion on the prowl than his soft spoken demeanor spoke of. What did he hide with his slow movements and deliberate speech, what was it his searching eyes were looking for. Some wish to solve the puzzle the tom present to them, wish to heal those cracks that even the best illusions can't hide, so deep to the run through him. but he gave up on healing himself long ago, feelings brought hardship and life was a never ending torture. He drew breath for those lives his queen had given him, survived to see his kits live. Uncaring towards his unkempt smoke black fur, falling out in tufts. Neglectful of his health and deliberate in his ignorance of the bones that could easily been seen under his skin. What right did he have to live well-fed and happy when his happy ended was rotting in a shallow grave?

PICTURE LINK: www.petplace.com/static/1a3825d875434803f2d0c65ff9fe3011/0979f/AdobeStock_169962292.jpg

[ his appearance will change as he grows healthy once more. to something more as follows. ]

previews.123rf.com/images/eliput/eliput1808/eliput180800039/106596586-black-smoke-norwegian-forest-cat-male-resting-on-pavement.jpg [not this exactly, because watermark. But I would like him to get healthier in appearance later as he learns to care for himself once again. ]

WHY YOU WANT TO JOIN OUR STAFF?: I was not trying to if I'm honest. But lavellan posted a kitting thread that really just struck an idea in me. And then I created a father for those kits and in doing so thought the character might serve well on staff. So I thought I would tryout, because I hadn't meant to have more than one cat. And as he is the first I've made I would like him to be something special. [Also if outsiders aren't allowed that's fine! and if he's ineligible because he has kits, even if no one knows, that's also fine! Just let me know!]

- CALAMITYSTAR: I think they share a similar past, but I don't think either will ever openly speak of it. So I see a quiet understanding but also a friction between them that could come from either party. Suspendedillusion will assume Calamitystar knows nothing of the pain he suffers internally, and Calamitystar might just see Suspendedillusion as boring. Because Suspendedillusion will not fight to know him, there will be no devote dedication to him unless something monumental happens. I almost see Calamitystar using Suspendedillusion as a sounding board that will placidly agree with things. On the other hand Suspendedillusion would never walk away from him or end their relationship, not when he sees nowhere else for him to be. Which could potentially build deeper bonds in the future. I'm torn because I think they'll get along but I don't know if they'll have a very superficial relationship or a deep understanding.

- HYSTERICPLAGUE: I think Suspendedillusion will be annoyed by Hystericplague. He won't show it outside perhaps a twitch of the brow or slight twist to the mouth. But I can't see him and the former medicine cat now deputy having much of anything to speak to one another about. I imagine they'll butt heads in subtle ways that speak towards the darker parts of them. A silent competition of sorts. Perhaps silent contests to see who can go the longest without speaking to the other? Without either saying that was what they were doing. I see them needling each other while keeping a fake veil of politeness between them. But they both know where they stand with one another. But maybe if Hystericplague cracks Suspendedillusions placid exterior and gets to the cracks inside they can have some interesting interactions.

- AMBERPAW: Poor Amberpaw, I can't see Suspendedillusion having much patience for him. As he is rather placid he won't make it obvious but if Amberpaw is second guessing a decision and looking to Suspendedillusion to affirm his choice he won't get anything other than "you know the answer to your question, be confident in it." Which does not seem the best way to handle Amberpaw. I imagine Suspendedillusion simply going off not waiting for Amberpaw and expecting him to catch up. Or simply doing his own tasks without letting his apprentice know he was leaving or anything like how long he will be gone or that Amberpaw will be on his own until he returns. I also see some hidden pride developing though if Amberpaw does gain more confidence in himself. He'll never admit it but it might be there all the same.

[ I'm sorry if I'm really off on these. I've never rped in fallclan or with these characters. So I just went off their bios and did my best. But hopefully that will change when I add Fabledkit and Suspendedillusions tomorrow. ]