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[attr="class","box2"]Tinypaw looked down at her paws, as the water in the river carried the blood and grime from the NovaClan battle away. It swirled up around her, turning the river into muddled brown. Today she had killed her first cat, and she couldn't bring herself to forgive her actions. If only the guilt was as easily washed away as the dried blood that was slowly starting to disperse at the water's gentle tugging.
Her mother had praised her, she had saved Cyrpresspaw and Oakpaw, and the battle was over. So why couldn't she stop trembling? Deep inside she knew the answer, but that harsh truth was to difficult to face. This wasn't just any cat that she had killed, it was a member of her clan... a member of her family. She should have been punished, scolded, something... anything was better than the painful emotions that she had tried to bottle until she was alone. Why had Foxbane praised her for killing Feigningignorance? It was wrong, she should have been furious. Hadn't Foxbane always told them to put their family first?
Growing up she had heard about all the terrible things her mother had done, and now her she was following in Foxbane's footsteps. She had seen how Oakpaw looked at her in utter disgust as Feigningignorances body went limp, her jaws clamped around his throat. How could she ever face him after that? After what she had done.
She lifted one paw, and began to rub the other furiously trying to scrape away the blood stains that were no longer there. The rubbing got faster and faster, eventually her claws emerging and digging into the already tender and inflamed skin. No matter how much she tried to get clean, she could still felt dirty and disgusting.
"Wow, I didn't think I'd find you so quick," A voice interrupted the silence as Oakpaw strode out of the undergrowth. It was poetic, really, the sun had just dipped below the horizon, birthing a breathtaking twilight of pinks, indigos and reds. The moon was beginning her rise in the sky as well. It was rare for both deities to face off like that, but it made since after such a cataclysmic battle, not that Oakpaw really believed any of that, "Must be fate, huh?"
The large brown tom had suffered a few scratches but escaped the battle relatively unharmed. His most noticeable feature was actually his tired hazel eyes. Oakpaw hadn't been able to sleep at all since returning to camp with Cypresspaw barely stabilized, slung across his shoulders like some sort of guilty prize. She had been rushed into the medicine cat's den and Oakpaw only left once he had heard she would survive. Well, so long as infection did not try to conquer her, but he had high hopes that it would not. If anyone could pull through, it was his sister. He had decided to trespass into SunClan to share the news with Tinypaw, better to do it now while most of the clan was recovering from the battle instead of patrolling their borders. She aught to know that her sacrifice saved a life and also that Oakpaw was grateful for it.
When he looked at her, and saw that she was harming herself, he immediately put his paw over hers, swiping it away. Very gently. Touching her like that was like being struck by lightning; all of his emotions from the battle came rushing back. He felt his heart constrict. His mouth went dry. He realized now that the real reason he came to SunClan wasn't to share the good news about Cypresspaw.
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Jan 26, 2020 16:15:07 GMT -5
[attr="class","box2"]Tinypaw never looked up, unable to tear her gaze away from her task of cleansing herself. The more she tried to clean the blood away, the worse it got as he own blood began coating her leg and paws from the scratching of her claws. It hurt, but it didn't compare to the emotional pain that she felt on the inside. It didn't even come close. It wasn't that she was trying to harm herself, she just wanted no needed to feel clean again. It didn't even register that the blood she so desperatly tried to rid herself off was her own.
It wasn't until his paw touched hers that her eyes snapped upwards to find Oakpaw there. She gazed into his eyes as he lowered the paw she had been scrubbing with gently to the ground. Her heart thrummed in her chest, almost not believing what her eyes were seeing. This was SunClan's territory, Oakpaw couldn't be here. He was with Cypresspaw, he wouldn't leave his sister in such a state. Nor was he the kind of cat that would so casually pass over another clan's border. She felt her cheeks begin to heat up, her gaze falling back to her paws, shame and guilt must have caused her to imagine him.
"You can't be here" she mumbled, trying to convince herself that hadn't just happened that it was all in her head. She lifted her injured paw starting to scrub on the other side, each time she moved more painful than the last.
"I have to get it off of me" Tinypaw was nearly in tears, desperate to make some sort of progress, her paw started moving faster as the first one slid down her cheek. Not from pain, but pure frustration and desperation.
She wasn't the type to cry. When she was younger her mother had seen to that. For each tear that shed, a cut had been made. If you were going to cry, she was going to give you something to cry about. So she didn't... even when in pain, she would bite her lip and close her eyes... but never cry.
"Tinypaw, stop this!" Oakpaw choked out as Tinypaw switched from one side of her face to the other. If he let this go much longer, surely she would do more damage to herself than any cat had done during the war. And the worst part - he was responsible for it. The MoonClan apprentice pulled Tinypaw's paw away and this time held his paw down over it. He repeated it with the her other paw. For now, at least, she wouldn't be able to hurt herself. Their whiskers brushed against each other and he was reminded how close their faces were. He initially flinched but did not move away, "I know you are hurt but you shouldn't keep it in like that, it'll destroy you. Just talk to me."
Oakpaw wondered if this was what Cypresspaw would have ended up if left to her own devices. She was a she-cat with a lot of anxiety and self-doubt; he couldn't even imagine how she would function after having to take the life of a sibling. Tinypaw had so much family in SunClan; where were they, right now, when she needed them most? It made Oakpaw angry to think that Foxbane, her own mother, knew what had happened and had let Tinypaw deteriorate like this, all alone.
The MoonClan apprentice couldn't help himself; he learned forward and licked the side of her face the was bleeding gently, then put his face against the wound, hoping the pressure would slow the bleeding. He felt warmth seep into the side of his face but didn't pull away, "I'm really here, I promise."
[attr="class","box2"]Tinypaw flinched from his touch, but didn't fight him as he forced her paws to the ground and firmly place his own paws on top them. She was trembling, but from pain, cold, or stress wasn't clear. Then it happened, another tear. Followed by another, then another until they were streaming down her cheeks so quickly that they ran together as one. She felt his warm tongue lap at he wounds on her face. Her strength faltered, leaning into his warmth as he pressed against her faced. Her shoulders slumped, almost as if she couldn't support her own weight any longer
"You are here" she whispered in disbelief, as if it was finally sinking in the Oakpaw wasn't just a figment of her imagination. Her voice wavered, laid limply against Oakpaw's chest with the water of the river rushing over their paws.
She didn't want to talk about it, she couldn't She had done something unforgiveable, no words could describe how that felt. No words would ever be enough to ease the pain "Just hold me" she pleaded
She pressed her face against his chest, burrying her nose in his fur. She listened to the sound of his heart beating, the rhythmic sound of his breathing. No one had ever just held her, not like this. Even her mother had never offered such warmth and understanding. [newclass=.box2]margin:0px auto; width:300px; height:425px; background: transparent; overflow:auto; padding:8px;[/newclass] [newclass=.box2::-webkit-scrollbar]width:5px;[/newclass] [newclass=.box2::-webkit-scrollbar-thumb]background: #772929;[/newclass]
Oakpaw released the pressure on Tinypaw's paws as she leaned into him. He stumbled a little bit, sat down to steady himself and then leaned into the embrace as well, wrapping his tail around them both like some sort of seat belt. He was afraid to let her go. He was gong to protect her. He began to lick at the scratches on the other side of Tinpaw's face as well as at her tears. When he finished there, he moved his strokes to her shoulders. A powerful purring rumbled from deep in his chest while he did so. He wasn't doing it purely because of contentment, no, he was purring because he was nervous, someone had to do it. Purring calmed down even the most agitated cat. He knew this to be true; his sister could be a real mess sometimes.
This embrace, though, was more than just therapeutic. It felt right. Like.. really right. Like, I can't imagine sleeping tomorrow morning without this she-cat next to me right. The absurdity of the thought made him laugh. How ridiculous - MoonClan cats and SunClan cats slept at different times, that would never work! Of all the problems with them being together, that was the one he was fixated on, their opposite sleeping schedules. He purred louder to cover up the chuckle. He didn't want to give Tinypaw the wrong idea.
"You didn't do anything wrong." He said between strokes, "You saved Cypresspaw's life. Your brother, he was... he was sick. You shouldn't have had to do that, but, if you hadn't, he would have killed more. You really did the right thing."
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Jan 26, 2020 19:32:09 GMT -5
[attr="class","box2"]It doesn't matter why it happened, just that it did. It doesn't matter how bad I feel, how much I scream, or how many tears I cry... It won't bring him back" she sobbed, not caring any more that he was seeing her cry. She never meant to kill him, and if Foxbane hadn't ordered her it would have never happened. It was to late to change it, to change all this hatred for herself and what she had done.
She shouldn't have killed him, all she wanted was for him to stop. To keep him from killing Cypresspaw and Oakpaw. She shouldn't have had to kill him to make him stop, she should have been strong enough to pin him, knock him out, run him off. Something but not this. Not kill him. A warrior doesn't need to kill their opponets to win their battles. It was absurd. All those things she could have taken back, she could have apologized.. tried to help him get better. But what she had done was so final. He was dead, and he wasn't coming back. There was nothing she could do to change that.
She wasn't sure what was worse, the fact that she had done it or the fact that she had been praised for it. No one in her clan had blinked an eye as Feigningignorance was dying in between her jaws. No one had mourned him now that he was gone. All she had heard was how good of a job she had done. That she had stopped a monster, and saved a life. That she was a hero, and that she had performed better than an apprentice should. If this is what it meant to be a warrior, so she wasn't so sure that she wanted to be one. It would have been easier to accept if they had just punished her, perhaps then she wouldn't have to punish herself so harshly.
She had never felt so helpless and vulnerable, and instead of doing something about her she lied on the chest of the cat she was supposed to hate. MoonClan was the enemy. She had killed her brother trying to protect cats from an enemy clan, and had been praised for it. What kind of messed up love story was this? [newclass=.box2]margin:0px auto; width:300px; height:425px; background: transparent; overflow:auto; padding:8px;[/newclass] [newclass=.box2::-webkit-scrollbar]width:5px;[/newclass] [newclass=.box2::-webkit-scrollbar-thumb]background: #772929;[/newclass]
Oakpaw remained silent as Tinypaw spoke and continued to embrace her. The she-cat's words gave him the impression that she had lived her life suppressed. It doesn't matter, she had said that phrase a few times now, a dismissive statement. Why should I care if it doesn't matter? That must be the full question, the one she asked herself in her dark moments. The tears streaming down her face seemed to be screaming at her to stop pretending. Even now she seemed to be fighting herself more viciously than she had her own brother. Oakpaw would never forget the deep red blood that had seeped into her pelt like a bestial dye when she had killed the traitor. Tinypaw had not wanted to do it, but she had not hesitated when commanded. Oakpaw felt fire in his heart at the thought; she had been liked a caged animal then... and Foxbane was the one with the key.
He shifted his weight and wrapped himself even more tightly around Tinypaw as she continued to sob. A true monster would wear that bloody dye like armor, but here Tinypaw was, broken and rubbing herself raw to remove it. It was a barrier she put up, just like her forced loyalty to her mother was. Did she really love it in SunClan? Was she happy? It was hard for him to guess; she had an extensive family, a pedigree even, not to be overlooked. Yet, the fact that not one of them was here spoke volumes. She was a tool to them. The thought made his stomach churn. She was not a tool, not to him.
"Tinypaw." He said, pulling back to look at her directly. She had such beautiful golden eyes; they reminded him of the present sky above them, colors shifting with the setting sun, "It'll be okay... I'm here for you. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. What happened is not your fault."
If you want to shine like the sun, first you must burn like the sun ~ SunClan High Priestess
6,904 posts
Post by racer on Feb 1, 2020 19:44:07 GMT -5
[attr="class","box2"]She wanted to believe him, to know that the words he had just spoken were true. However, that was when reality began to sink in. As if snapping out of a fog, her tears dried as she pushed away from Oakpaw and stumbled out of the river. Her paws felt heavy and clumsy but she couldn't stay in his embrace any longer. "Don't say things you don't mean" was her only explanation to him, for her sudden change in mood.
Oakpaw was from MoonClan, the sworn enemy of SunClan. It was impossible for the two of them to be together. The was no future for any sort of relationship or friendship between them, their clans would surely tear it shreds. She could never leave her home... Not only beause of SunClan's strict rules, but because this was where she had been born and raised. This is where her family remains.
She couldn't help but wonder how things might have turned out if things had been different. Why couldn't he have been in SunClan? Or at least some other clan... Juts not MoonClan. They were opposites, opposing forces that repelled one another.
"You need to go, Foxbane may have helped your sister but if she finds you here she will consider you fair game" she turned her back on him, her tail and head hanging low "Go Home"
"Who's to say you aren't going to start scratching yourself again? No, I'm not going anywhere until you can convince me that you are okay," Oakpaw replied softly, following her out of the river,"I really do mean what I said. You should't blame yourself for what happened..." He wanted to embrace her once more but could tell that she wanted some distance. The MoonClan apprentice instead just stood as close to her as he dared and crouched down so his face was right next to hers, "You're really a sweet and gentle cat. Quit hurting yourself by pretending to be someone that you are not. You can lean on me. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not afraid of the Sun God, or the Moon Goddess, for that matter. I'm not afraid of Foxbane either. What scares me more than anything is losing you."
He chuckled at himself for being so corny and looked up at the sky; the sun was very nearly out of sight by now, "That sounds crazy, doesn't it? We haven't spent that much time together. But I have a confession. You wanna know my first thought when I say you trespassing on my territory with that snake around your paw? I thought 'She's so cute, I want to protect her.'"
[attr="class","box2"]Tinypaw felt the heat rise to her cheeks, but did her best to push it aside. "That's just it. You keep saying that you know who I am but you don't. You don't know me and you don't know my God" she growled lightly, pushing past him and refusing to meet his gaze. His words were flattering, but at the same time infuriating and frustrating.
If anything it only proved why the couldn't be together. He was either naive or stupid not to be afraid of the Sun God, but she could have understood that had he not been from Moon Clan. From her understanding, the Moon Goddess was just as involved with her clan as the sun god was with theirs.
With her back to him she finally spoke "I'm not sweet, and I'm not gentle. I am the daughter of Foxbane and Riverwolf, I am a killer. A murderer. I hunt snakes for fun, have carved open and inspected the insides of my enemies. I know a cat's anatomy and limits like the back of my own paw. I have been taught how to drag out death and make each moment excruciating. I know thousands of ways to kill you, some more horrific than you could ever imagine" she had never practiced them on live cats, but now that she had made her first kill it was only a matter of time before Foxbane demanded it of her.
He just didn't understand. Whatever Foxbane ordered she obeyed. She didn't even think about it, she just obeyed. All she had ever wanted was to please her parents, to make them proud of her. It was only after she had become an apprentice that she had started to realize that her parents were not all that they seemed.
"Your a fool Oakpaw. Don't you see... It's me that you should fear" she swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears from falling
"You don't get to just tell me what kind of person you are," Oakpaw replied firmly. His tone was not unfriendly, but seemed sharper somehow, more serious. It did not fit his personality well but the change gave his statement more of an impact, "That's something you gotta prove, something you have to show me. I've seen you be sweet and gentle a whole lot more than I've seen you torturing your enemies. Although I guess, with that logic, I'd have to believe you can do it seeing how you do such a good job torturing yourself."
The brown and white tom had been standing very close to Tinypaw but stepped back. His paws and underbelly were still wet from the water and dripping slightly against the coarse, yellow-brown grass. The scratches on his legs were soothed against the cold water and further chilled with the occasional gust of wind. It was funny to think that a flood nearly took all of this away just hours ago. Maybe it would have been better if it had; at least they wouldn't have to worry about stupid borders or Gods anymore. It was too late to try and run away now, though. Oakstorm knew he could bend MoonClan rules but the same could not be said for SunClan. They did not allow deserters. You were with them or you were dead. The thought made his blood boil; was a good, loyal subject, one who worked hard every day, really deserving of the death penalty just because they want to live somewhere else?
"If you need distance, you can have it. I don't want to make you do anything that puts your life at risk for me." Oakstorm said, licking some water from his paw, "But don't think for a minute that that means I'm going to give up on you. You deserve to be happy just like everyone else."
[attr="class","box2"]Tinypaw's heart nearly skipped a beat, but she forced her expression to remain cold and distant. "Then go" she growled bitterly, the tip of her tail twitching. Why couldn't she just walk away? Wouldn't that be better for both of them? They could never be together, not truly. He had made it clear that he wasn't going any where, so she would have to be the one to leave. She forced herself to take a step away, then another.
"If you really want me to happy, then leave me alone" with that she took off, each step carrying her further away from the tom standing on the river bank and further into SunClan's territory. She didn't even glance backwards, her mind made up. She wouldn't see him again.
It was to agonizing, knowing that they could never become mates, never have a family, and shouldn't even be friends. He was from MoonClan. She was from SunClan. Thats all there was to it. They were from opposing wars, destined to fight, doomed to love.
Oakpaw's paws itched to follow after her, but he held himself back, knowing full well that she had been pushed to her limit. There was nothing to gain from being forceful and, besides, it wasn't in his nature. Oakpaw was not much of a leader, not due to lack of talent, but because he was one to yield easily. He simply did not care for the pressure; he was too easy going to a fault. Something about Tinypaw drew out that assertiveness that he suppressed. She didn't give him much choice, after all, telling him to leave her alone, to give up, direct orders than he had consistently disobeyed. He wouldn't get anywhere with her if he wasn't a little strong-willed.
He glanced up at the sky and observed the sun just as a cloud lazily crossed over and muttered under his breath, "I'm not going to give up so easily."
His words were said softly; she could not have heard them. They weren't meant for her anyway. The Sun God and the Moon Goddess. What was keeping Tinypaw and him apart went a lot deeper than a simple border. He had never put much thought into following the Moon Goddess, but Tinypaw clearly cared for the Sun God's intentions. He followed the MoonClan code - well, for the most part - but he never felt it in his heart like his sister, Cypressblaze, did. How would anyone expect him to believe in something that he couldn't see, hear, smell or touch? Yet, just moments ago, he had spoken directly to those deities. Talk about being a hypocrite. Sighing, he tore his gaze away from the sky and back to where Tinypaw had retreated. He could just make out her silvery-coat painted with shadowy stripes as the sun hit the trees above her. She really was a beautiful cat, but she was also SunClan. He was MoonClan. What a terrible pairing.
