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( strawberrycupid Totally non-canon AU thread where Sen & Funk aren't against dating. Trust me, we're taking lots of creative liberties here, lol. )
Her legs draped over the edge of the recliner's arm, head rested in her hand as she tapped idly against the keyboard resting on her stomach. Senescence sat in League headquarters, satiating her boredom by wasting away the day spying on everyone. Now, the definition of everyone varied from just her district, to the entire town, and she really left it up to others to guess just how far reaching her surveillance went. How she got into this, when she'd much rather do something potentially lethal like go pick a fight or climb rundown structures to watch the world as it burned, no one new. But she was Proxy of the PI gang, and somehow, Funk had actually convinced her to do her job about 10% of the time.
Post by strawberrycupid on Dec 15, 2019 20:13:11 GMT -5
(when honey says lots, they mean some xD listen i have needs and honey is nice so here we are and i'm going off the assumption they aren't dating atm)
The only proxy who did her job was Innocentia, that much was true. If you asked Funk how he ended up with so many bad eggs, he'd say they were handed to him. As of late, he started picking up the slack for some. It killed him, but he was used to working himself to death anyway. What was one more thing? It gave him more control too, a drug he always craved. Even finding Senescence, he hesitated to talk to her. No doubt any distraction would result in the cameras being completely forgotten about.
Still, any previous thoughts never stopped him. An annoying habit that resulted in him sitting in another recliner, stack of papers and a pen in one hand and a cup of coffee with too much cream in the other. "Anything good going on, Sen? Who's kissing in the bathroom today?"
Post by Honeystorm on Jan 27, 2020 21:27:47 GMT -5
( TIME TO REVIVE THE AU! xD )
Of course, the second that Funk stepped into her peripheral, the laptop was shut, any interesting little tidbits he was hoping to see immediately pulled away from him. After all, she did have more here than she wanted even him to see. Luckily, her job was rather easy. Just watch the footage at high speed late at night and save anything that caught her interest, for reasons good and bad. Ammo for later, and it kept him off her back, usually. One pale arm was rested across the computer, and the other was nestled into the back of the chair by the elbow, so she could lazily rest her head in her hand with it's short, black painted nails, the polish already chipping. "Usually it's you." Senescence commented, raising a brow ever so slightly. "What magic you use to be able to simultaneously always have someone at your hip if you want, and yet still manage to do more inane work than the entire League combined, I'll never know. Don't take that as a sign to stop though. Because I sure as hell am not picking up the slack."
Post by strawberrycupid on Jan 29, 2020 0:21:55 GMT -5
( all hail the AUs )
Well way to shoot himself in the foot. Oh well, he didn't expect anything else from the overly secretive IA proxy. Even though he had his own way to get information. He swiped a coaster and put his 5th? 6th or so coffee for the day on it before pulling a pen out of his pocket. Funk laughed a little at the comment, pulling his feet up to rest on the edge of the chair as the papers rested on his thighs. Bathroom makeouts were like low tier. It was no office. Still, sometimes you gotta use what you got to get what you need. "Trust me, I don't." The stack of papers was enough to say how little Funk trusted his staff with it at this rate. "It's called persistence and no sleep." That's all it came down to, really. Though it led to constant dark circles under his light green eyes and a constant scruffiness that had it's own weird charm.
Post by Honeystorm on Jan 29, 2020 23:16:41 GMT -5
( I replied within a day. That's a new one. xD )
"See, that's why I'm not the leader here. Too much work I definitely won't do. I value my naps far too much to care about some work that can probably be put off until tomorrow." As if to prove her point, Sen let out a loud yawn, snuggling herself into a much more comfortable position in the recliner. "Take a break for once. If it kills you, well, that sucks, guess the cannibal gets to run the show, but I'm not sure we're that lucky that you'll just drop dead. If you can survive off that much caffeine, you're probably like a roach and can survive a nuclear blast." Was that a compliment, or an insult, no one knew, and she wore far too straight a face to tell.
Post by strawberrycupid on Jan 31, 2020 23:06:43 GMT -5
(honey i can't believe this xD)
Funk was used to taking Sen's observations of him as insults. That was the way their relationship seemed to go. He didn't mind, long as they each stayed in their own lane. Leadership wasn't overly natural to Funk, but he slowly came to see the League as his own. "And that's why there are no more wardens. So I don't have people pounding at my door advocating for their proxy or brother to become it. I'll think about the rest, I suppose. Not like anyone else will ask me to." The Nemesis shrugged, signing his first paper and putting it on the table between them, "But replace roach with something slightly more flattering. Like tardigrade. Or Strain 121." His smile was lopsided, teetering between serious and not. While her face was too straight, his was too crooked to tell.
"I can upgrade you to rat bastard, but that's as far as you're getting." Senescence offered, rolling her eyes back at him. "And now, instead of a Warden to deal with the useless Proxies you hired, you get to deal with us firsthand plotting out your potentially imminent murder. If any of us were willing to actually do the work, at least. But I suspect we'd rather you be our work mule and that's enough to keep you alive for the time being." She glanced briefly at the paper, reading a few lines before heaving a sigh and looking away. Nothing interesting. Well, she could make it interesting.
With that, in an instant, she'd shifted, her combat booted foot kicking the underside of the table so hard both the table, and it's contents went flying. Including the coffee, that would undoubtedly soak, and make unusable, at least half that stack of papers. "Oh, oops. Guess I'm a clutz, you're on break, and we need more coffee." That was about as subtle as a train, but she was bored and didn't really care about the fallout, already slipping her laptop in it's case, and scooping up her motorcycle helmet up from the ground.
Post by strawberrycupid on Feb 2, 2020 0:01:15 GMT -5
(honey what is this madness?!)
Was a rat better than a roach? Well, yeah. Rats were smart and kinda cute. He shrugged, he could take that. "Well, really I only hired two. One was handed to me." Funk cast a side glance at Senescence. They both knew the only other one that did things was Innocentia. And even then, it wasn't paperwork. But Funk was glad he didn't need to keep the prisoners in line along with everything else. That was good enough to make her the best Proxy had. He tapped his pen against his temple. If he was really stuck here until one of the Proxies felt like doing paperwork, then he was practically immortal.
Well, until Senescence got a bad idea and spilled his coffee all over the recliner. The coffee was somewhat cool, but that didn't save most of the papers in his stack. Not even the few he signed were safe. That wasn't even considering his now stained pants and recliner. Funk separated the soiled papers from the good ones and threw the stained ones on the ground. "What the %&(@, Senescence." If there was one thing he knew, she was no clutz. And now he was stuck having to reprint them. And resign them. And really, this gave him more work than anything else. He knew no repercussion would have an effect on her, but he still gave her a dirty look.
( It's... it's our AU strawberry. You asked for this. xD )
"Oh shut up. Screw the stupid paperwork and live for once. You're being more boring than the Regime military brats. And that's saying a lot, I have to say." Fastening the helmet with one hand, she used the other to snatch the remaining papers right out of his hands, tearing it in two and chucking it all in the air. "Oh look confetti. Now, put the helmet on so you don't die." She always kept a second helmet nearby. Usually, she didn't need it, but there were occasions for everything, even workaholic Nemesis needed to live a little sometimes, and she was highly bored with this sitting around. Of course, she couldn't just hand him the helmet. Picking up the pure black helmet, she literally shoved it into his newly empty hands, and a lot harder than she probably needed to, in effect almost punching him in the process. Not that Senescence cared, or even tried to pull the strength of the shove a fraction to save his poor frail body. "And if you pose another argument, I will just tie you to the back of the motorcycle and go anyway, so you can put the helmet on, or go to the hospital because you got towed all over town and maybe run over a few times. In which case, we'll really be screwed, because like I said, not doing your paperwork for you."
Post by strawberrycupid on Feb 2, 2020 18:57:30 GMT -5
(please don't punch my boyfriend everyday)
Now that was an insult. Him being as boring as the Regime? Funk wanted to say something. Like how he was just trying to keep the League afloat. Maybe even of how he was bringing this pressure and workload on himself for everyone's sake. Even if he did, he wasn't sure it was the absolute truth. Besides, it's not like he was all work. He spent a good amount of time making out with leaders in the bathroom. But that was to figure out more about them, which could be work. Damn. He tried to keep the papers away from Senescence, but it wasn't much use as that confetti became like dollar bills in his mind. He needed to but a lot more printer ink now, and paper, and god, he didn't like spending money like this. Funk was at least used to the beatings and didn't bowl over when Sen shoved the helmet in his gut. But it still knocked the wind out of him, knees buckling as his fingers wrung against the helmet. The Nemesis closed his eyes, he could really pick them huh? She really just couldn't tell him to go to bed. "Fine...fine. Can you at least get someone to clean this up?" There was some sensitive information now scalded with coffee.
"Alexandria will be around in about ten." In between the time it took to knock the wind out of the League leader, she'd managed to text one of the members of her district, ordering the girl to burn the papers, after combing their contents for anything of note that she might not already know, of course. Good thing about being district leader, she could leave these matters to someone else to deal with. Once he had the helmet on, Senescence, quite literally was dragging him out to her bike, sitting in it and grabbing his arms, and wrapping them tightly around his waist with a surprising gentleness. It wasn't much less than her average, but it wouldn't bruise, which for Funk, was probably a blessing. "Hold on tight if you don't want to die."
Post by strawberrycupid on Feb 3, 2020 16:38:19 GMT -5
(he's the worst but he's sensitive)
"Fffffffffffffffffffffffffine." He gave up. There was no winning around here. If he was mostly around to do all the work, why insist on a break? Whatever, he was running on fumes anyway. Funk needed the break, even if he would never be able to make himself take one. He barely managed to get the helmet on before getting dragged again. "I can walk you--" He didn't get a chance to finish before he was seated on the bike. Tensing up some when she grabbed his arms, Funk waited for the pain to settle in but it never did. Well, to the intensity he was quickly becoming used to. A confusion fogged him up to where he barely caught her instructions. For needing him around for paperwork, it always came back to him potentially dying somehow. "-know. Okay."
