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It was a strange sort of sensation to walk the halls of Foreign Affairs these days. After a temporary stint as Shaman while her and Funk looked for one to fill the opened place, she'd gone back to her duties, to that Proxy of hers that she'd finally been starting to open up to, that she'd finally realized feelings for, but only too late. So close, and yet so far, and now it was all out of reach. The life of a queen and her kits, of a cat she loved, ripped away due to a mere accident.
There were few cats who would understand the loss as Funk would, though even he had lost more than she. She'd only realized her love after Eshek's death, had understood it's reciprocation when nothing could be done. Eshek's brother, Lorah, couldn't understand in the same way as them, though the tom hadn't been seen since her death, and she'd begun to worry for the cat, a hunter though he wasn't yet a year old, much younger than his half sister.
She found her way to Eshek's den, wondering if she would meet the Nemesis there, if he could bring himself to visit the home of the cat he'd lost.
Post by strawberrycupid on Sept 18, 2019 18:14:25 GMT -5
The air in the Foreign Affairs floor was constricting, like she was trying to suffocate him from the grave. He had avoided going in there when everyone looked at him with pity in their eyes. It was like this through most of the League, but especially here. Their conversations always quieted as he passed by them, before they picked up when they thought he was out of earshot. Most were sympathetic, some just called him pathetic. A few toms were relieved she was dead, so they didn't have to 'follow all her dumbass rules'. Their words, not his. All he could do was give them a stare that could have killed, it only sent them scampering away. It was all he let himself do. He was stuck with this Eshek-shaped caricature hanging off of him and everyone knew. That he couldn't just let it roll off his back like he may have been expected to, like they expected a flirt like him to.
It was all right there, right in front of him. He was never satisfied with what he had, only with the things he had to fight and claw to get. And then he'd get bored and head off to find something new. But things had changed with Eshek. He had a harder time getting rid of that love. A love he agonized for, tried to stomp into the ground and tear at until it would stop beating. One he begged to die. But it didn't. And he was almost okay with that, okay with settling down. Maybe he had a shot at normalcy, a normal no one would have said it was except for him. Maybe he could have been content. But it didn't matter anymore, he would never know, never be okay. She was long dead and he was covered in the blood of that love again, screaming that he didn't care anymore. That was his worst lie.
He hadn't been able to look at her office until today, much less step into it. It was minimalist and expensive, overly clean still and gaudy, just like her. Cold and painful, but there was no love in it. No harsh words towards him followed by a laugh, no claws in his sides or in his mouth, no screaming and broken glass. It felt exactly at her and nothing like her. Even as he stood in it, he didn't know what to do. Tears had abandoned him long ago, all he could do was stare until his ear swiveled back at the sound of light pawsteps broke him from his stupor.
"Miracle..." Surprise lingered on his voice even though he wasn't. It sounded listless and tired, like nights awake pacing through the halls with no destination in mind. Smiling weakly, he ushered the she-cat in.
Post by Honeystorm on Sept 28, 2019 21:42:03 GMT -5
She would have entered even if he'd not invited her, but with the slightest nod, she stepped in. The former Raiser of the Regime had experience in this sort of thing. Loss. Not in this way, which is perhaps why it hurt the most, but she'd seen a lot in her lifetime. Stillborn kits, murdered relatives, sickness, violence, she'd seen it all. And she was in an odd spot now. Her reasons for joining the League were no longer reasons to remain, and yet, she found she would rather sit here, in her den, than go home. At least right now. All the exposure in the world couldn't prepare her for this, though maybe it did teach her to understand Funk better.
The gentle brown feline looked around, wondering briefly if Lorah would take the space over, or if whoever became the new district Proxy, if the Nemesis could bring himself to fill it, would keep it for themselves. "...Hey, Funk. I should have expected to see you here."
Post by strawberrycupid on Oct 1, 2019 16:14:56 GMT -5
It hadn't quite dawn on Funk yet that Miracle and him were in the same position. The reason for joining or staying in the League was now gone, and now they were both forced to pick up the pieces. Her's may of been a bit easier; she wasn't Nemesis, expected to hold everything up, but they would cut nonetheless. She could pack up and leave, and Funk wouldn't blame her one bit for it. They'd both suffer for this. He was almost grateful he wasn't alone, he had no idea how to handle this other than to kill the feeling and move on. That's what he always told cats who cried their hearts out to him, that was all he knew.
"Hmmm, really? Please, I can barely stand the sight of this place." He took a few steps in, not even mentioning the smell of her that seemed to oppress the area. He would have to fill the position, not that anyone in Foreign Affairs had offered or seemed interested. It was unexpected, considering how much some craved for power. Maybe they all feared Funk would take their heads off at the thought, though he couldn't care less. He just needed this gone, or alleviated, or something. "How are you doing?"
"You'd have to show up eventually. Apparently we just happened to think of the same thing at the same time." Miracle commented, glancing about. It was exactly the sort of place Eshek loved. Cold, daunting, clean to the point of sparkling. But without her lively presence to fill up the blank space, all that was left here was a bland shell. Unfeeling and empty. "Are you looking for an actual answer to that question? Or do you want me just to tell you I'm fine and we can pretend that this place isn't painful to be anywhere near?" She questioned, shrugging her shoulders. Some cats wanted to talk, others would much rather pretend nothing was happening and stick to false pleasantries and small talk that she personally despised.
Post by strawberrycupid on Oct 5, 2019 15:46:45 GMT -5
Funk felt his chest filling up with hot air, suffocating himself with his own nerves. She was right, he would have to come in here eventually. Have to face it eventually. But he hadn't been able to until now. It was bad enough just being here, worse the thought of...actually opening up to Miracle. Everyone in the League had lost various things, but most looked at him with eyes full of expectations. As if sweeping everything under the rug was supposed to fix everything and he was supposed to be the same. Some mindless killing machine, just actually with a big enough mind to lead. Just to let it roll off his back, but he couldn't shake it. It was part of it, but most was simply just he didn't trust anyone to hear their reactions to what was going through his mind. Honesty was the worse policy, it only led to you being hurt. But some piece of him was getting sick of it, and it winded up being Miracle who was the only one he could envision... actually doing it. Ugh, course she was here.
"An actual answer. If you want to talk about it." Most didn't, most wouldn't. He didn't mind if she didn't. No one else was as hurt by this as Funk, Miracle and Lorah, the latter he hadn't heard from in days.
She leaned back into a sitting position, paws kneading her tail as she thought for a few moments. "Okay is a gross overstatement, I'd say." Miracle's honeyed eyes gazed out the window, a soft frown overtaking her features as she stared out at the world beyond this cold-hearted suite. "I never... felt connected to anyone else in the same way as Eshek. Which is a weird thing to admit, because I absolutely despise the League. Always hated it growing up. Hated it when I returned too. Bunch of cats way too happy to gloat over ruining others' lives for nothing more than their own amusement." The brown feline scrunched up her nose in displeasure for a moment before continuing. "Eshek was like that too. Annoying, egotistical, a little bit too keen on hurting others. But even so, there was something different about her. Something that made me wonder if I was wrong, that all the cats here weren't just monsters. I never really did get to explore that feeling. She wanted to... but I wasn't ready. Not when she had you, was going to have your kits. It's only just now I'm realizing that I'm pretty sure I loved her. And I never did get to tell her that." Would Funk be happy that the mother of his kits was making moves on another she-cat? Probably not. But he'd asked for honesty, so she'd give it to him. "I think I'm going to regret that for as long as I live. That I didn't just jump in head first when I had the chance."
Post by strawberrycupid on Oct 6, 2019 0:47:43 GMT -5
If you asked Funk if he was surprised that Eshek was looking at Miracle, he wasn't. Even if he was the father of her beloved kits, Funk still sometimes felt like a plaything, a cold patch on a throbbing muscle. Once the pain was alleviated and gone, Eshek would simply throw him away and move on. That's what the start of their relationship felt like, he was just a drug to numb some of the pain of heartbreak. Cause really, he never cared enough to refuse her, too laid back to put up much of a fight and too curious to see just what the tall feline would do next. It was only when she appeared to leave that Funk found himself missing her, that dead heart beating again. Of course, we all know what happened after that. Sure, Eshek returned the feelings and even was gonna bear his children, but that nagging self doubt never truly left his mind. Toms were still second class in her world, he seemed like no exception. After everything, he was still banned from that garden room, still had to walk in backwards and play along with all her ridiculous rules. Even top dog, Nemesis Funk E'tan, still found himself going along with whatever stupid plans or ideas she had. For the same reason, just to see where they'd go. Cept with each encounter, he would get more and more addicted. As someone who's main purpose in life was to get others stuck on his medicine, it seemed he was the most likely to get addicted to someone else. The bengal was overly familiar with her attempts to get with various she-cats, including Miracle, and a flirt like him didn't care for the idea of a monogamous relationship anyway. Least till he was needled about his own ways. At the time, it was annoying and kind of hypocritical. It was now he got to wonder if she was beginning to miss him too.
The room held no soul, no warmth, no light. He didn't look at her as she spoke, almost afraid she would stop if he did. They really were similar, huh? It was a little scary to him, how much those same thoughts ran through his head these past few moons. Things could have ran a lot smoother for the three if they were honest from the start, but Funk still hesitated. The words he wanted to say looped in his head like a broken recordplayer, the only way to get relief from the noise was to let them out. Dry swallowing, he thumped his tail against his paws.
"I was the same way. Never wanted anything to do with dump till I was coerced to join by my own curiosity. And cause I wanted to work on the greenhouse. She'd always come and bother me for one thing or another those days. I don't know if I can say there's something different to her compared to the rest of the League, she was too much of a right fit here. It could just be cause we spent way too much time together, but she held a certain warmth no one else really did. She was genuinely her. I can't say I've met someone as genuine as her, so maybe that's what I ended up falling for. She was the only reason I was gonna stick around here, so now I just feel... lost in these halls I'm supposed to own."
"Nothing left but the uncertainty of the future, I suppose." Miracle replied, bearing a rueful smile as she cast yet another look about the room. "Who's to say we're trapped in these walls though? There's nothing to keep us, so nothing to keep us from ripping out the roots that have taken hold and letting them grow elsewhere. We've both done that plenty enough, it seems."
Post by strawberrycupid on Dec 15, 2019 19:44:13 GMT -5
(YEAH RIGHT TWO MONTHS LATER XD)
"So I've heard." Really, he had heard more whisperings from the proxies and those that derided him. Most were waiting for them to pick up again after the discovery. In a way, he felt like leaving the place would reveal a weakness, a crack in the armor that he wore so carefully. That he couldn't sit and bear the pain anymore, bear seeing this room or the estate. He wanted to still move, let go and let this ghost haunting him rest. And to branch out. It felt like Eshek monopolized his time in the League, and he was ready to change that. "I'll keep an ear out if something comes up. Though I'm doubtful anything will. Will you come if we leave?"
