I have thought all day and all night what to do. My entire being wants to stay, but my heart is so broken that I'm not sure I can anymore. I am tired, emotionally and physically tired, and despite putting all my energy into numerous conversations I was left crying my eyes out at 3am wondering what I had ever done to deserve any of this. The way I was talked to today, my mom dying, and just a very very heavy soul. This place was supposed to be an escape, but now I just reread hurtful words over and over again and torture myself. It's not fair to me.

All this being said, it has been made clear to me that my presence on the site is not wanted, and that it wasn't wanted the faithful day I tried to find solace in main classic chat after the day my mother passed. I have become the scapegoat for all the sites problems, and that is fully my fault for trying desperately to try to help the site that I grew up on and loved. I should have done what any other moderator would have done and just silently watched from the sidelines and kept my mouth shut. My opinions and my advice were not wanted. I just wish I had picked up on that sooner, because if I had I would have saved myself a lot of heartache. All the same, this site was having problems before I even returned, which I only returned after an over two year hiatus to help it after being approached by several members that classic needed me, and I don't feel I deserve the blame for it's current status. It's a problem with the entire unit. No single member is to blame, and to blame one member is just so very cruel. This being said, my name and my image have been tarnished to the point I don't think I will ever be able to return to this site, which is a shame as it was a site I at the very least enjoyed to visit now and then during times of particular hardship. After this though, I don't think I'll even be able to visit without some kind of backlash or drama occurring. On top of that, I don't think I'll ever be able to give an opinion as a staff member without it being twisted into something it's not or being ignored because of what occurred today. At this point my presence on the site is not only not wanted, but also useless.

That being said, to other staff members or members who feel similarly, you deserve better. I hope you're able to find some kind of comfort in knowing that, and I hope things change soon so all of you can be happy on the site like you were in the past. If not, just advice from a smol sad girl, always do what is best for you. Even if it means hurting others or changing a big thing in your life. I hope this site is able to pull itself together long enough to salvage whatever pieces remain, but unfortunately, I don't have that kind of faith in it anymore. Maybe you can prove me wrong though, but members are not being listened to and those who are too vocal are being run off.

To my beloved PI staff; I'm really sad this has happened and I love you all very much. I wanted to stay for you guys because we have so much fun and had so many fun ideas. However, I don't think I will feel better in one or two weeks, I'm worried that by the time I pull myself back together I will have been brought up for demotion, and that's just not fair to PI or the site. On top of that, with graduate school right around the corner I just don't have enough time to pick up the pieces scattered around the site and try to fit it back in place. I'm only one person, and this one person is burnt out and finished. I hope you guys are able to continue to have fun in PI.

To RR and Sunclan staff; I was really looking forward to having fun with you all. I really really wanted to rp goldensilk and Liam and get to know you all more. You're all very sweet and I love yall to pieces.

Baku; I love you seriously and I'm sad our short term PI team came to an end like this. if you need help Kristy/Racing_girl has offered to help you with whatever you might be stuck on. I know you said you're not ready, and I really wanted to try to stay for you, but I don't think this will be just a two night thing and I don't want to spend anymore time being walked on like a doormat. I just don't have it in me. Keep in contact with me though. Me and Alley are making a roleplay site soon, and maybe we can get the gang back together over there. Or if you need advice or help, I can try to help you as best I can behind the scenes.

To those I will probs still keep in contact with like I did in the past (you know who you are); see you in a few months when I begin a pokemon journey and spam you with the inevitable screenshots where I cry when I lose a pokemon in a nuzlocke and name them after you guys.

To my loving wife; sorry wife. I know you're trying your hardest and I know how much this means to you. I know you really wanted me to stay, but I just can't. I love you always, and we will probs talk to you tomorrow.

To Faith; thanks for everything and I'm glad we were able to settle our differences. Keep doing you and keep working hard. Good luck.

To everyone; love yall. If you want to contact me you know my skype, and if you don't want to contact me then I mean that's fine too. If you want to still plot and roleplay, hit me up and we can figure it out. I want to roleplay with you guys too. That's all I've ever wanted. To roleplay with my babies and have fun. I wish I could have done that here. I hope this thread doesn't end our friendship, and if it does that's okay too. Always do what is best for you, even if it means breaking friendships off.

Good luck. I hope you all are able to work on yourselves and better the site. I have nothing but good will for you all. I know some of you are already trying to do that and I appreciate it. I leave you all with the song I've been playing on repeat and a picture of encouragement.