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Post by Honeystorm on Mar 23, 2019 12:30:18 GMT -5
Half a year and more Shule had been gone. Long enough for her kits to be given to DayClan, Glowstar convinced they were hers, for her to be replaced as Sentinel, for Mars to become Commander... for Slawn to die.
Her life had been a whirlwind since her return, from rushing to try and get her kits back, to being reinstated pretty much instantly as Sentinel in a Regime that had grown away from her, there had been little rest. Miracle had lost a life to SunClan warriors, who were likely only making a move because of the capture of SpringClan and DayClan moons ago that Shule hadn't been present to witness, or help her group in securing their freedom. Everything was chaos, shattering the idea that she'd come home and finally be able to relax for once.
In a way, Shule preferred it that way, it kept her occupied, kept her from dwelling too much on the SunClan Priestess having access to her kits, from wondering how Kotori and Zakiyyah were faring, from breaking down about the fact that she missed Slawn's final moments, all because of a fox-hearted feline half a world away.
Truthfully, she hadn't stopped moving since her return. It was always one thing after another, training to bring back her strength, practicing her newfound hunting skills in case the worst happened, keeping her distance from her mate, who she hadn't forgiven yet for giving their kits away. The unearthly shine was back to her fur, and she'd already started to fill out again, especially now that Spring was here, but there were changes to Shule. If she hadn't already been a workaholic before, she was worse now, never seemed to stop moving, cold as ice and hard as diamond.
That was probably why her nephew had specifically requested she guard him today. Alone. Shule walked silently at his side, crystalline eyes trained forward as they strode through the tunnels. Ever the perfect guard, the perfect soldier.
Mars had never given up on finding his aunt. He had been determined to bring her home no matter what. Now that she was finally home, he had noticed the change in her. She had always been a bit of a workaholic, but now he hadn't actually seen her rest in a long while. That in part is what had made him ask her to guard him today. He wanted to talk to her, and try to get her to talk to him. He wasn't sure if it would be possible, but he had to try at least.
At the moment, he was walking through one of the newer tunnels that had opened up. The walls were lined with crystals that shone dimly in the otherwise dark cave. After a long while of silence, he glanced over at her. "I don't believe we've ever really had a chance to have a proper chat. We've always been busy in our own ways." Of course the fact that he had left the tunnels for nearly a year didn't hel, but he honestly didn't like to talk about that part of his life. He looked ahead again. Things have changed. I'm sure you know that though. Change isn't always a bad thing though. Even the painful bits are important. That is something my mother taught me from a young age."
Even now he could remember his sweet mother. Her death had destroyed everyone close to her and he was pretty sure his father never recovered from her death. Towards the end he had even been asking for her as if she were still among the living. At least now that he was with the blind protector, his father could finally be reunited with his mother. "How have you been though?" The question was simple enough. He was hoping his aunt would take the invitation and actually talk with him for a bit.
Yes, she remembered Jasmine well. She never had gotten to know the she-cat as much as she'd have liked, and by the time she wanted to, it was far too late. That sounded like something she'd say, however. And now, Slawn had joined her. Her brother had been dying, and she hadn't been there when it happened. Shule would never forgive Foxstar for taking that away from her, would never forgive herself for it either.
"I am recovering. I should be in tip top shape by the time greenleaf rolls around." That wasn't what Mars had wanted, and his aunt knew it. But the ebony Sentinel had never been the forthcoming type, so her answer wasn't likely to be very surprising. It wasn't very encouraging either.
She didn't even know how to explain to him how she felt. Hateful, angry, sad, overwhelmed, empty, tired... broken. How did she convey that to him, without burdening him? He didn't deserve to be bogged down by her problems and struggles. He deserved to be happy and playful and open, carefree like a young tyke in the care of the Raisers. She couldn't shield him from the world and pain of others, she knew that, but she still wanted to try.
"I am glad to hear that." Mars didn't press her to tell him any more than she wanted to tell him. It probably wouldn't end well if he did anyway. Instead, he just looked up towards the sky. "You know, things have changed a lot since we last saw each other, but I'm honestly glad you are back. It feels strange honestly. I never thought I would become the Regime's commander, especially after I ran away like I did." He shook his head. "Honestly, I still don't see what Fjord saw in me." He had made his fair share of mistakes growing up. Perhaps sharing some with his aunt would make her a little more open to talking with him.
Post by Honeystorm on Apr 10, 2019 10:31:16 GMT -5
Shule kept quiet for a bit as he spoke. How he managed to be so oblivious, she didn't know. "You overcame the destiny everyone thought would be yours. Even though you left for a time, you returned stronger and more loyal than ever, with a level head on your shoulders, and experience outside the group that many cats have never known. As far as Commanders go, you seem to be a fine one. Encouraging everyone to test their limits, but never judging someone by what they can or can't do." She stated, though the Sentinel didn't look at him as she spoke, head facing straight, as though she wasn't really speaking to him at all, though she most definitely was. She had been gone for so long, but even she knew that Slawn and Jasmine would have been, and most certainly were, proud of the cat he'd become. She couldn't say the same for herself. She was strong, at the cost of her relationship with her family. Had status at the cost of interacting with her kits. Shule had made up her life as a soldier, and even with Sean, she couldn't seem to quite break out of that role. One of the few times she'd broken out of her role as a soldier and she'd taken a life from Foxstar without thinking of the consequences. It had been supremely stupid, she thought, especially after hearing about what the Priestess had been doing with the patrols, what the SunClan cats had done to Miracle. And yet... Shule didn't care. Foxstar had deserved it a hundred times over for what she'd done, to her kits, her mate, her step-granddaughter and her nephew's group. Perhaps that was another thing to add to her already monumental list of flaws.
"Couldn't the same be said of you? Many in the Regime thought you were dead, but like me you were just separated from us for a time. He could not speak for what might have happened to Shule during that time because he did not know. He wouldn't know unless she told him. He drew in a deep breath. "Many cats look at me now and think I'm perfect. It is true that I have a lot going for me right now. I'm the Commander of the Regime, I have Momi and our tykes. I have Jasmine, Coriander, and Basil...I come from one of the most respected families in the Regime. But...They don't think of what I might have sacrificed to come this far. I have my regrets just like everyone else." He smiled. "We're actually not all that different if you think about it."
Post by Honeystorm on Apr 14, 2019 10:34:03 GMT -5
In some ways, he was right. In others, not so much. "You have always been a better cat than I, Mars." Shule answered, shaking her head slightly. "In my youth I abandoned my family for duty. I failed to see the sights of a traitor in my own kit, and I still love him dearly, despite all he's done, how many cats he's hurt, killed. I wasn't even able to fight back to stay in the Regime when Foxstar sent those cats, and when I did return, I nearly killed Green in my rage, and I did kill Foxstar. I didn't think about the consequences, I didn't even think about what my kits would want. I just wanted them back. I spent far too long teaching myself all the things the Regime didn't to return to them, to everyone, and for what? To cause a war with SunClan and nearly break our alliance to DayClan?"
Her claws dug into the ground and she stopped in her tracks, gaze focused on the earth beneath her paws. "And now what? I've done it all again. I can barely stand to look at my kits, knowing the rest are with Glowstar, that I've lost my chance to be their mother. I brought SunClan upon us, and even if we prevail against whatever they throw, was my anger really worth the potential lives of those in the Regiment? I haven't even had the heart to go and see Roon, or my parents. What does that tell you about me Mars?" The crystalline eyed feline's voice broke then.
Sean always called himself a coward, insisting that she was the strong one of them. But he was so, so wrong. She might put on a brave face, but she was still weak at heart. She couldn't stand to see the looks of disappointment, so she cut herself off from all possibility of her own happiness. And when she did finally give in, allowed herself hope and even the tiniest bit of happiness, the Blind Protector reminded her again why she'd sequestered herself away from others, become the cold and strict feline that embodied the principles of her home.
She liked her Sentinel life for selfish reasons. It allowed her to be alone, the silent fighter everyone knew her to be, to push her thoughts and feelings down and hide away from the world under the guise of duty. Gave her an excuse to avoid her family and the problems she didn't want to see. Maybe that was why she missed what Kotori had become. She'd gotten so caught up in the family she'd never thought she'd have, had never wanted to consider that he'd hurt anyone, so much so that she'd blinded herself to reality.
She didn't even realize she was crying until the wetness began soaking into her pristine white paws, and she found herself shaking uncontrollably. Damn it. Why did she have to break now, in front of him?
Mars listened quietly. He knew she was right about some things. She should not have attacked Glowstar and she most certainly should not have attacked Foxstar as that was sure to have ramifications for the Regime, but a part of him could not find fault in her actions. She had been kidnapped and only the Blind Protector knew what Foxstar had done to her in the time that she had been gone. Her tykes had been taken from her and given to DayClan to raise and now some refused to even recognize her as their mother. He didn't know what he would have done if it were him. He simply couldn't imagine. He closed his eyes, searching for the best answer he could give her. This was not something he could give an answer to casually. What he could do is offer her comfort. She was family after all. She was his father's sister. He had to look after her in his place.
After a moment, he drew his aunt in close, allowing his chin to rest on top of her head. He wasn't completely sure that she wouldn't flay him for trying to console her like this, but he couldn't leave her as she was. For the longest time he remained silent. He was thinking mostly, but he also wanted to be sure that she didn't have anything else to say. Her attack on Foxstar was definitely a problem. He knew Foxstar would not let this go without consequences. This meant he would need to prepare for the coming fight. After a moment he let out a quiet sigh. His green eyes were gentle now. "Foxstar first acted against the Regime by kidnapping you. The war was started long ago." As for Glowstar, he would have to make sure that no real damage had been done to their alliance, but that could be sorted out later. He doubted she would be so willing to attack them without a very good reason.
"You aren't wrong for loving your own children. No matter what they do, you are still their mother. Family does not make you weak. They can hurt you at times, but they are still your family." Mars couldn't guarantee Kotori's safety should he ever return to the Regime, but he would not fault Shule for loving him. He wanted her to realize that she didn't have to do everything alone. Her family could make her strong. It was one of the base principals that the Regime stood by. "If I may ask, what kept you going when Foxstar kidnapped you? What made you strong enough to keep pushing until you got home?"
It was true, that Foxstar would have had the Regime at her doorstep regardless. Shule would never have allowed her actions to go unpunished, and she highly doubted that Mars would have either. Yet, there was a massive difference between being the aggressor risking only the mercenaries, and risking the entirety of their home. Her body stiffened at his touch, but as tears dripped down her cheeks and onto her paws, she didn't pull away.
She pondered his question quietly, though really, she knew the answer in an instant. "Sean, and my kits especially." Shule answered softly, "You, your siblings, your kits, my step-kits, Slawn, Roon, even my parents. Even if I died when I returned, I wanted to see your faces at least once more." And then to come home, to find out that her brother was dead, her kits given away... it had broken her in a way. She'd been on the edge of insanity at the prospect never seeing those she loved so much again, even if they hardly knew her more than as a name. When she'd come back to sections of her hope gone, it had tipped her over that edge, even if only for the span of two days. She hadn't been able to rest, barely able to eat, not until she went and got her kits back.
"You know...When I discovered that my father had died...It was in the middle of my seven lives ceremony. He appeared there to give me a life. I wasn't even able to give him a proper goodbye. After spending my entire life doing what I could to make him proud...The life he gave me was one for pride. But he told me something that day. He told me that the entire Regime is my family now, that I should look after them like I have my own family. He was happy again...He was with mom. When he saw her again, I saw him smile like he used to. He looked happier than he had in a very long time In the last days of his life, he kept asking where mom was. He couldn't understand why she wasn't there with him." It made him wonder if part of his father's illness was the grief he had felt at loosing Mars's mother all those moons ago. It had helped to soothe Mars just a little bit knowing that his parents were finally together again in a place where sickness didn't exist and they would never be forced to separate again.
"But if I learned anything from my father, it was to hold my head high even in the face of adversity and to hold family above all else. Even if I was to lose everything I have worked for tomorrow, as long as the Regime is still here, I know I will be alright." He wasn't sure if this would be of any reassurance to her. Honestly, he wasn't even sure if he should be talking about his lives ceremony, but he hadn't been told that he wasn't allowed to speak of it so he assumed it was alright. He did hope that his aunt realized that she still had the entirety of the Regime at her back no matter what happened.
