It was time.

When she was young, Aspenkit was told that dreams were the mind’s way of telling one something that they consciously did not want to know. Her father, his paw on her back as she cried about her bad dreams, reminded her that the things that haunted her dreams weren’t real, but they needed to be studied to understand what they meant. She had carried that lesson her entire life, and spent each evening contemplating the previous day’s dream. Perhaps that was part of the problem; if she hadn’t spent her entire life analyzing her dreams, the fact that she had dreamt about Phantomfox twice in the last week would have meant nothing to her. The first time, she had shrugged it off; it was silly that there was a part of her that wanted a simple life with her best friend. The second dream, though, was harder to ignore. This wasn’t to say it was a bad dream; in fact, it was quite the opposite. The two of them sat in a meadow, one she didn’t recognize. She was curled into him, and for the first time in her life, the dream-her felt completely at ease, protected.

Was that the purpose of the dream ? To let her know that she felt safe around him? It didn’t seem so simple. Nothing about their relationship was simple, after all. The two had natural chemistry, the kind that was almost too perfect. In a different life, he would have been her other half, but in this life, the stars had a different idea. She had been drawn to him like a moth to a flame, every embrace electric. She’d spent most of her last six moons pretending that wasn’t the case, though. It had been easy at first, before she had really caught feelings. She had been in denial about it for a long time.

Of course, I love Phantomfox. He’s my best friend.

As of late, though, it had been harder and harder to deny. It had gotten harder when Rosethorn came to NightClan. When the former SummerClan deputy was gone, it was so much easier. She didn’t have to guard herself quite as much, didn’t have to face the fact that she had fallen in love with a married man. Seeing the two of them interact had nearly driven her mad; a small part of her craved nothing more than for it to be her that he held close. Still, she had tried to keep her distance, to soothe her heart’s anguish, to give them a chance at being a family. He deserved that, a happy ending, even if it came at the expense of her own. But, then, he went to her to find her nieces and nephews, “adopted” them with her. She should have known better than to play house with him; she should have known that her heart couldn’t handle it. The mistake had been made, though. She’d gotten too close.

The weight of that was draining her. It had become increasingly difficult to keep her feelings in check, become increasingly difficult to pretend that he didn’t make her feel at home in a world that had never felt like home to her, become increasingly difficult to pretend that she didn’t want to collapse into him, bear the weight of the world with her. Even her dreaming self couldn’t escape the daydream of making a life with him.

It was just that, though, a daydream. She was in love with someone who couldn’t love her back, shouldn’t love her back. But, no matter how many times she told herself that he was happy, she couldn’t help but notice the way that he looked at her when no one else was around. He gave her the same stolen glances; he had to feel the electricity between them. There was a small part of her that loved this, loved the very idea that maybe, somewhere, he could return her feelings. That part of her was naive, though. Rosethorn and Foxpaw made him happy; she needed to let that be. She was reading into things far too much. She had to be, right? There was a small part of her that knew she wasn’t.

She blinked, shaking the thoughts out of her head. No matter his feelings towards her, she was growing unable to hold her own feelings in check, which meant one thing and one thing only. It was time. It was time to tell him that he made her feel whole in a way that no one else ever had. They were both broken cats, but their broken parts fit so well together. It was time to tell him that she was tired of pretending the feeling wasn’t there, that holding a secret from him, even though it really wasn’t a secret, was crushing her. But how was she supposed to do that? How do you tell someone who has a family of their own that you had fallen in love? How did you tell someone that they were the only one you wanted to wake up next to, when they already had someone else to wake up next to?

There wasn’t a good way. No matter how he reacted, their relationship would forever change the moment that she opened her mouth. That had been why she had been putting it off for so long. She didn’t want things to change. If she told him she loved him, their moments would have to stop. It would cause a rift, even if it was just a secret between the two of them. That hurt her in a way she couldn’t quite understand, created a small chasm in her chest. She didn’t want him to pull away for her. She needed him. Phantomfox had a strength that she clung to, a strength she needed even more now.

But, she couldn’t keep the secret much longer. It was finally time. It had to be.

With a resolute sigh, the leader poked her head out of her den. “Phantomfox, we need to talk,” she called, somehow knowing that no matter where he was in the camp, he’d hear and drop everything for her.

woof