Eshek had been watching him with an open-mouthed grin, her breath panting out into the chilling air and her legs still trembling in random, uncontrollable intervals from the run; when he kissed her, she froze in place, eyes widening for a second before her brows shot down into a bewildered frown. She snorted out an uncertain laugh, offering him a crooked grin. For a long moment she was at a loss for words, her jaws working but no sound coming out. It was the first time Eshek could remember being utterly caught off guard.

"Uh," she faltered, letting out another skittish little laugh. "Thanks, healer." The fact the psychopathic medicine cat had hung onto one throwaway quip of hers she only dimly remembered making this long was oddly charming. But... Back to business. Reaching out a paw, claws extended, she brushed her own blood from Pinesimmer's muzzle in one abrupt motion and began to circle around him, looking him up and down. "So, what, you wanna kill the NightClan leader? Why? What's she to you? Thwarted love? Did she reject you? Huh? You toms are like that, all big egos and fragile self-esteems. Maybe I picked the wrong side to fight for." Already caught up in her own explanation for Pinesimmer's behaviour, she was poised to start on an anti-tom tirade.

Eshek sat back, snickering at the medicine cat's dramatic reaction. She loved a drama queen. "Your sister, huh?" she asked, question still hanging just this side of a jeering laugh. She started to circle around him again, eyes scraping down to his fragile legs; she'd spent enough time as a torturer to know what broken limbs looked like. "She did that to your legs? Little medicine kitty couldn't stand up for himself against his big, mean sister? She didn't seem that bad to me - all you Clan cats are so agonisingly boring, except maybe Foxstar if someone could lure her away from that new reformed life she's playing at, but your leader looks competent enough. Pretty, too." Her eyes glittered.

Eshek nodded along. At his comment about the guy not being able to put a lid on his ego or temper, she raised her paw and opened her mouth, about to make a funny quip about that sounding exactly like Pinesimmer. Then she pulled a face and decided against it; plus, this guy wasn't shutting up enough to give her an in. When he mentioned the bunch of grunts who wanted to have Aspenstar's children, her jaw fell open in genuine shock, caught off guard by the bluntness of it; she let out a surprised burst of laughter. This guy was great. She felt like if she just threw him a random topic, he'd get mad and rant about it for the next half an hour. It was like putting a coin in a jukebox - free entertainment. Well, as free as a dollar coin. Whatever.

"Man, dude, you're messed up," she finally laughed, meaning it in the best way possible. "I love it. So, what, you wanna get rid of her because... she's hot? Because of StarClan or whatever it is you priests believe in? Because you should have been leader instead? Why? By the way," she interrupted herself to give her head a shake, spattering bloody droplets everywhere. The scratches across her face were deep and wouldn't stop bleeding, and they were starting to sting in that tell-tale way. Usually Funk would fix her up after whatever fights she got herself into, but... "You know if there are any good herbs around here you could use to, y'know, stop me dying?"

Eshek sprawled out on her side, perfectly at home in this dark, foreign territory, and waited patiently as Pinesimmer went about looking for plants. When he squealed and danced around trying to get rid of the spider, Esh just watched with an amused smile, purring. She stayed quiet as he started to patch her up, her tail-tip twitching contentedly on the ground; she didn’t wince when the herbs stung in the open cuts, just watched him as he worked.

But when he started to talk about Aspenstar, all of Eshek’s amusement faded away. She listened silently, eyes dark. Finally, she reached out and rested her paw on top of Pinesimmer’s, frowning at him - sad, gentle, concerned, despite the blood still dripping into her eyes. The medicine cat had clearly spent his whole life raging against the injustice of it all; most others would have given into exhaustion, would have given up and relented, would have gone silent and turned away and let the pain and the resentment quietly bubble. But Pinesimmer was as hurt, as angry, as raw as if he were facing it all for the first time fresh every day, the cut re-inflicted new as ever as if by magic every morning without any scab even getting the chance to soothe or numb it. It was the purest thing she’d ever encountered, in the most heartbreaking way. He was like a kit, with some unknowable belief that the world wasn’t supposed to be like this keeping the wound fresh and stinging and awful day after day. It wasn’t even festering - it was bleeding freely. In the same way, anyone so used to abuse might have learned not to bat an eye at it, might have fooled themselves into thinking they deserved it - the fact that the brown tom knew it was wrong, knew how cruel it was, knew he deserved it only so much as an errant dog deserved to be kicked (which is to say it didn’t, and the blow was all the more hurtful and confusing for being out of proportion for the crime of mere irritation or insubordination)… It made something in Esh’s chest tighten. She couldn’t even say anything like ‘do you realise how screwed up that sounds?’ because she knew he did. An annoying brother didn’t deserve to be beaten, she knew that much from personal experience - even if, unlike her own, Pinesimmer was temperamental or argumentative or bitter or jealous.

And it didn’t even sound like jealousy to Eshek - it was more like… child-like sadness that his sister wouldn’t let her brother share in her pride, in her life. A loneliness, a confusion. Fear. Innocent hope and the part of him that still believed in StarClan, in his sister, in NightClan... The fact that he was clearly a gifted healer who could be an asset to anyone if they just… let him made it worse. Someone who could do good, pushed down a darker path against his will. 

Eshek had known broken boys before. Lucistic - whatever had happened to him as a child, there was genuine pain underneath all the cheerful masochism; Funk; Lorah… That last one was her fault. How else could he have turned out, the way she’d raised him? The tom crouched in front of her now was no different to them. A sad, angry child that the world had never loved, left wondering why.

Well, wasn’t that all villains ever were?

“No one should have to live with that,” she replied at last, and she meant it. “I’d say something like ‘I’ll kick her ass if I ever see her again’ but even the most messed up families still have that thing of ‘I’M allowed to trash talk my sister and try to trip her in front of a dog but if anyone else does it I’ll rip their eyes out.’” She smiled at Pinesimmer, crooked and thin. “Oh, and, duh, I’m Eshek, by the way. That’s always how these things go - hurled together so quickly you forget you don’t even know their name. Pleasure to trauma-dump with you.” Her smile grew into a grin as she moved her paw to fumble with the one of Pinesimmer’s that was still holding a bundle of cobwebs, giving it a silly little shake.

“Pine,” she echoed, and it sounded both approving and impossibly soft at the same time. Pleasure to rant for you. She smiled, letting out a purr that continued quietly in her throat as she watched him finish fixing her up. He had a nice smile.

When he was done, Eshek went cross-eyed to look up at the ear he’d slashed through in the fray; it was gooey with a poultice and covered in cobwebs. All in all, she looked a bit like a mummy draped in bandages, if bandages were cobwebs - either like the cheesy Halloween sort, or more ominous; it could be either. She thought briefly of the eye Pine’s sister was sure to lose; man, Eshek would look cool in an eyepatch. All the good stuff was wasted on cats who didn’t appreciate it. “Thanks, legs,” she chirped cheerily, sitting up. “I’ll give the snot-nosed kits back in DayClan nightmares for weeks, it’s perfect.”

“So, what’s your plan now?” she continued, bowing down into a deep stretch; something in her spine popped and she let out a relieved purr. “Go back to NightClan? Suck up and hope for the best? Try it as a refugee or a rogue? You could always come back with me to DayClan and just walk about with your eyes closed if you can’t handle the sunshine - I can be your seeing eye cat.” She straightened, eyes never leaving Pinesimmer. “Or are we thinking more ‘repress everything for a night or two’? Very in, very now. You could hang with me with a bit. I’m starving. Literally. They have these insane dishes in DayClan like roasted chestnuts in mice and apples in squirrels and I’m like, please, people, is there anything normal in this cotton candy nightmare vision? I’ve just been seeing how long I can go before I collapse, I think I’ve got, like,” she stopped and tilted her head like she was measuring something internally, “an hour or two left. They won’t care I’m missing, anyway. I’m, like, servant class - so liberty-equality of them, right? We can chill, very slumber party vibes.”

Esh smiled in quiet understanding, slowly tilting her head to the side. She felt the same about the League - it was only factors beyond her control and, when it came down to it, her own fear of facing it that kept her from them. But she’d still abandoned them, no matter what the fine print said. Because she was afraid. She wasn’t a coward - in reality, she was thoughtlessly, recklessly brave to disastrous effect - but right then Pinesimmer was a thousand times more courageous than her and twice as honourable. She felt passingly ashamed of herself, half-formed guilt prickling at her mind; she smothered it a second later.

“Yeah, sure, regroup,” she purred at last, voice mockingly barbed and eyes playful. “We’ll both pretend you don’t just wanna spend time with me, it’s fine, I’m not offended.” Eshek grinned. It faded to a gentler smile after a heartbeat. “C’mon, doc.” She turned and, with an inviting jerk of her head at him, began to lope along the perilous edge of the cliff with that heavy, long way of walking she had, looking out over the night-black expanse of thin air and pine forest with eyes that darted about, drinking everything in. If you aren’t already terrifying kits with your personality, I’d be shocked and disappointed. She did an excited little bounce as she walked, all four paws thrilling about each other in mid-air and landing precariously close to the crumbling edge of the cliff; grit rained down far below, but Eshek wasn’t bothered. “Oh, we’re already at the taking the piss out of each other stage. How cute! Such fun!”

Almost as soon as she had fallen quiet, a mouse poked its head out above the cliff; Eshek slowed and held her paw out against Pine’s chest. They were upwind of it, and a moment later the mouse scurried up and across the dusty, stone-marred path, stopping halfway to clean its face with its paws; if it looked to its left, all it would see were two pairs of glowing eyes in the dark. “Does a medicine cat know how to hunt?” she purred under her breath, turning her head slyly to Pinesimmer.

"Ohh, well, listen to him brag," Eshek sneered affectionately, keeping her voice equally low - and yes, it was difficult. She crouched a second after Pinesimmer did, looking at him more than she was looking at the mouse; she grinned crookedly to herself, having to make a conscious effort to not disturb the ground with her tail-tip flicking back and forth. "I was served like a queen in the League so I'm a bit out of practice myself. Still..."

She suddenly shot out from beside the medicine cat, making an effort of catching the mouse that was half intended joke, half genuinely feral scrabbling. Eshek's long legs had her on the mouse before it had time to react, but she immediately slipped and crashed onto her side, sliding a bit down the slight incline. Everything was chaos: the mouse slipped in and out of her claws, escaping onto the ground for a second, back in Esh's grasp the next second when she made a mad lunge for it; dust was stirred up into the air; the mouse squealed and shrieked, Esh scrambled this way and that, tail lashing everywhere, claws scoring the earth, on her back for a moment, back on her side the next, paw whacking here and there against the ground as the mouse careened about. Finally, lying on her back, pelt covered in dust, Esh caught the mouse in her front claws and held it up high in the air - "catch!" she shrieked, and threw it in a wide arc towards Pinesimmer.

poor mouse, i'm sorry little louis you will be remembered

Eshek giggled with sharp, raucous delight, looking up at him upside down and wriggling about in the dust with her forepaws folded like a bunny's over her chest. "Good thing I have a medicine cat handy, then!" she crowed, voice edging close to a purr. Cats were always yelling at her, especially toms; it was practically a sixth love language at this point. "Calm down, doc, I'm fine." She grinned up at him, eyes sparkling. Scooting herself around on the ground with her hind legs, she rolled over and pushed herself to her paws, shaking out her pelt and sending dust floating through the night air. Nothing like a refreshing dust bath; kept the skin young.

"Good job," she congratulated Pine as she crouched down in front of him, tilting her head to the side and peering at the dead mouse with her huge blue eyes for no discernible reason, before leaning in and scooping it out from under his paw. With her voice muffled around the prey in her jaws, she told him, “We can share this if you want and you can get all giddy about being so close to a girl, sharing cooties, and then I’ll demurely say ‘oh, I’m full, I couldn’t possibly eat any more, you have the rest’, which is a total lie because it’s a mouse and I’m starving but I want to be ladylike, and you’ll say ‘no, I couldn’t possibly take a lady’s meal from her’, and I’ll say ‘oh, Pinesimmer, you’re such a gentleman’, and you’ll say ‘oh, Eshek, you’re so charming when you’re not violently insane’, and we’ll look at each other in the moonlight and both feel that little flutter, so you’ll look away first and then I’ll look away, and when you go home you’ll lie awake in your nest all night thinking, ‘but I’m a medicine cat! I can’t betray my duty to my Clan… Oh, but she did look so beautiful under the stars…’ and then we’ll silently pine - get it? Because your name is, okay you get it - for each other and, if the story turns out really tragic, grow old never having been able to be together.” She was silent for a moment. Finally, she let out a dreamy sigh and added, “or you could go get another mouse or something.”

Eshek smiled around her mouse, straightening up and following after Pinesimmer. "Y'know," she told him, voice muffled by the fat little body, "I feel like you're aiming for mean and I just want you to know it's landing somewhere nearer to soft. Borderline adorable. Really bad for your scary medicine cat street cred." She glanced at the tom, eyes crinkling up. "Plus you're the one who kissed me."

Like a teenager who's just dropped some little firecracker into a high school gym bathroom drainpipe, Eshek squealed and ran off ahead, galloping along for a little bit before veering off this way and that to peer over the edge of the cliff, sniff at a tree trunk, shove her head into a bush and laugh when she terrified a family of squirrels and sent them squealing away up a tree, and a thousand other things, all of them a mile a minute. Then, suddenly, after having vanished for a bit into the dark woods, she suddenly shot back out onto the path in hot pursuit of a shrew. With her signature chaos, she crashed to the ground on her chest, the claws on her forepaws extended, and blocked the little animal from sight as her back turned to Pinesimmer. A second later she stood and turned, the prey dangling from her jaws and her eyes glittering proudly.

She ran back to the medicine cat, dropped the shrew at his paws - "here" - ran back into the woods, reappeared a few seconds later with the mouse she'd dropped, and finally flopped down beside the tom, a good chunk of her back just casually hanging out over the cliff in mid-air. "Whoo! Bon appletito." Eshek opened her jaws in a huge display of teeth, about to chomp down on the mouse. Remembering who Pinesimmer was, she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, closed her mouth uncertainly, and added an awkward, unpracticed, "thank you, StarClan, for this prey." She stayed looking at the medicine cat for another second, maybe hoping for approval, before turning back to the mouse, opening her mouth like a snake, and sinking her teeth into it.