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The last time he could recall milling about in a throng of other clans, he'd been Coyotepaw, a SummerClan apprentice on the cusp of warriordom who'd bragged to anyone nearby about how the next time they saw him, he would be sporting a warrior name that was Cool like Coyoteslayer or Coyotebrave. He'd been dreamy-eyed and dreamed of; a handsome, charming tom that could hold conversations and be normal. The scars, grumpiness, and social ineptitude came after-- and poor Coyotepaw never got the chance to flaunt his warrior name in front of the rival apprentices, and certainly no one would remember him now.
In his place was a ragged cat, worn down by tragedy and self-hatred. He avoided eye contact and slipped away from conversations whenever possible, his responses curt and clipped when he couldn't extract himself, but despite himself, MoonClan's menace searched the crowd for a sign of the only pair of amber eyes that could rouse his ancient, forgotten emotions.
Rosethorn loved gatherings, and attended every one that she could. Usually her sister came along with her, but currently she was nursery-bound, and Rose came instead with another friend- a male Red Guard member that she had met a few moons before. They were chattering aimlessly as Summerclan entered the open space and began milling about the other clans.
She waved a tail in greeting at Soullesspaw, a cat she'd met from Winterclan, but her eyes were searching for a certain, scarred Moonclan tom. When she found him in the crowd she smiled faintly, her heart thudding nervously in her chest. Her companion chattered on, but Rosethorn found she was anxious for the conversation to end so she could make her way over to the grumpy looking follower.
He spied Rosethorn in that same moment and, on the heels of an unfelt bravado, made a beeline toward her but came up short, the tom she'd entered with drawing his attention. Of course, lashed his poisonous thoughts, all the wrong assumptions being made about the cat hovering too close and Rosethorn looking a too jittery.
A shadow fell across his features, Phantomfox considering his options and the flaring jealousy in his belly. Above them the leaders were sharing their news of the last moon, and it reminded him of the events that had altered his life most recently. The rabid raccoon and the flower wreaths, the snake bite and the sleepy secrets. Emboldened, he pressed on until he arrived at the duo, silver gaze causing the SummerClan tom (who clearly didn't take the time to recognize an old friend beneath the damage) to shrink back and excuse himself. "Darn, I was hoping to ask him to go out with me. Think I stand a chance?" Fractionally, the emotion in his eyes softened as they regarded Rosethorn, whose pelt shimmered in the pale light of a full moon.
"Probably," Rosethorn laughed, warmth flooding her pelt at his closeness. Part of her was pleasantly satisfied that he scared off the other toms, that cats found him intimidating. "I think he's single. But I'm not sure he swings your way." Her eyes scanned him briefly, wondering if he had any new wounds on his body. Probably.
"How have you been? Any new snake bites in the Moonclan territory?" She teased, wrapping her fluffy tail around her paws. The motion sent her floral scent right towards Phantomfox, the same scent that had faded long ago from her flower wreath gift to him.
Rosethorn's perusal of his frame would find a petal caught in a twist of his fur, an indication that her gift to him had not been thrown away. He wasn't aware of its presence, otherwise he would have removed it long before she had any chance of catching it, and instead he settled down beside her, the ends of her fur a tickle against his side. He resisted the urge to lean closer. "I think I'm handsome enough that that won't matter," he mused with a click of his tongue.
Her scent stirred the memories that made his heart flutter in his chest, shock waves sending tingles into his paws. "No, no snake bites or mouthy she-cats endangering themselves. It's been pretty boring since then, so I've had to find other ways to amuse myself." The new collection of scars on his legs were silvered in the moonlight. "How are things with your sister? You never came by with an update."
Casually, Rosethorn lifted a paw, brushing it along the new wounds on his leg. "Even without me dragging the two of us into danger, you're still getting wounded, huh?" She smiled, glancing to meet his gaze. She had seen the petal, and it made her heart thump in a weird way, but it might have been from a random flower and not her wreath. She couldn't know for sure.
"No update because the situation is unchanged," she said, sighing. "I can't get near her without her scumbag mate drifting over to watch us. I'd like to smack him, but I'm certain he'd slit my throat if I did. And the kits are due in the next week or so... I feel like it's all going to crumble soon." After a pause, she cleared her throat. "I wish you were there to help me out."
Where her paw grazed his skin, heat rushed to the surface. "I'm just adding to the collection," he murmured, unable to piece his thoughts together while her touch was still fresh in his mind. Sense was knocked back into him-- quite literally-- when one of the nearby clan members bumped against him, and like Rosethorn's companion the offender was swiftly shooed off by a snarl from the chocolate tom.
Settling back down, though now leaning a bit closer to the SummerClan garden keeper, he offered a sympathetic frown at her update. "I wish I was there too." Phantomfox let the words hang in between them before adding, almost too quickly, "So I could rough him up, obviously. I think some scars would look nice right about here." Rather than indicate his own battle-worn frame, he reached out a paw to touch Rosethorn's chest, though the motion was gentle as if he were a hammer and she were glass.
The touch sent shock waves of tingling through Rosethorn's body, radiating out from the point of impact. For a moment she was frozen, amber eyes gazing up at Phantomfox. Why was he so tolerable around her when he was so quick to dismiss anyone else with a growl? Why did his touch make her feel so self-conscious?
"You could come back, you know," she said in a whisper- the announcement of clan news had begun, but her attention was wrapped up in her companion. "I'd chew the ear off anyone who dared to make comments." Funny, thinking she could defend him when he was the one who had always protected her. If he came back... their meetings would not be limited to once a moon. Maybe she would sleep better if he was in the warriors den with her.
He was tempted to accept her offer, but something held him back, something that caused him to place a little more distance between them. If their pelts brushed again, there was no way he'd be able to say no-- and there were things in motion that were impossibly large that he could not defy. "I can't go back. Not after what happened," muttered Phantomfox, but for the first time that wasn't the truth.
The stars shimmered more brightly than usual overhead, as though they were each laughing at the unsuspecting cats below them. He was growing tired of their mirth and of the clan leaders droning on about their news, none of which was particularly interesting. "Take a walk with me, Rosethorn. I promise we'll be back before the gathering ends.... as long as you don't get yourself bitten this time." Humor tinted his tone, the tom lumbering through the crowd to the fridges of the clearing where he paused to wait for her.
Rosethorn hesitated only a moment, wondering how it would look to slip out of a gathering. No one was paying attention to her though, and after a second she moved to follow Phantomfox. There was a sense of bitter disappointmnet churning in her chest, knowing that she wasn't enough to bring him back to his former clan.
Then again, how could she expect to be? They were just friends- and argumentative ones at that, and there was no way she could mean enough to him to cause him to face his demons. "Is there a reason we're skipping the riveting clan news?" She asked, once they were among the delicate ferns that fringed the clearing, her amber eyes shooting him a curious glance.
The clamor faded behind them the further they went, moving silently like phantoms through the night. Typically a demure and brooding tom, it wasn't unusual for Phantomfox to reserve his thoughts, but he seemed even more demure than what was expected of him, especially in her presence. He was a far cry from the vigor and needlepoint wit of their last meeting. They arrived at a pond that was dotted by lilypads and water lilies alike, their reflections fractured by the movement of fish below the surface. "I just wanted you to myself a while," he finally said, gazing at her through the distorted ripples. It's been a moon since her recovery in MoonClan, but the memories of those few nights together were as vivid as if they were still presently happening, Rosethorn's proximity igniting the same warmth he had felt when she slept next to him.
Rosethorn's soft fur brushed against him as she sat, staring down into the moonlit pond. Whatever he was thinking about, it was taking more of his attention than usual. And his words... she ignored the implication, and the heat that pricked her cheeks. "I guess you are a hopeless romantic after all, underneath all that acridity," she laughed, hardly daring to look at him.
"What are you thinking about? Something's... troubling you? That may not be the right word. But something's spinning around in that tiny head of yours."
"Who says I didn't take you out here to get rid of you, once and for all?" His features, horribly twisted as they were, eased back and allowed for tendrils of contentment to slip in. The threat was empty, playful at worst. "As much as I really do love gatherings-- and I do--" He noticed her disbelieving glance and mock gasped in offense, but carried on regardless, "it's hard to listen to the only voice you want to hear when there are a million other cats around."
There was a growing bashfulness seeping into Phantomfox's demeanor. If they never left this spot, if they were frozen in this time, he would never again know pain nor sorrow nor the ache of loneliness that would wind itself around him like a lover in the dark. He could exist here, in this moment, with the beautiful she-cat beside him and know no greater happiness. "It gets cold at night now," he offered afterwards, a touch too slyly. "It was much nicer when you were keeping me warm. You talk a little in your sleep, did you know that?"
Rosethorn, for once in her life, was flustered. Usually when she didn't have words to say it was because she felt awkward- like with Crow and his lovesick eyes when she'd lied to him. But now she found herself with nothing to say, stunned into babbling. "I didn't know- how do you- I thought- weren't those dreams?" She finished finally, her mind drifting back to the fuzzy images, the warmth of him next to her.
She had known since he'd walked her back to Summerclan how she felt about him. And she knew that he felt some obligation towards her- otherwise he wouldn't have protected her as he did. But Rosethorn had not dared to hope that he felt the same. There were more complications than she could process- their distance, their differences, their inability to live together. For once, she'd understood Orchiddrop's decision to forsake Crow. Life and love was messy, and it was terrifying to take that risk. She'd expected to have to be content to see Phantomfox every once in a while, pining from afar. But... was this his admission? "I don't understand," she said lamely, for once in her life feeling stupid.
This side of Rosethorn was far, far less annoying; it was endearing, and his whiskers twitched at the sight. "You ran off before I could tell you." The echoes of her farewell gesture-- that simple, fleeting touch-- still resonated on his cheek. "I stayed with you every night you were there. I--" He hesitated. To admit his feelings, to open his heart and let her step in, would make him vulnerable, susceptible to rejection. He kept himself distant out of habit, unable to endure another loss, but there was a quality to her that made him braver, bolder, ready to dive headfirst into the depths of the unknown that awaited them.
"Rosethorn, I'm in love with you."
There was no speech. Fireflies did not cast light on them nor were they framed by a glowing ocean, because Phantomfox was not a cat who dreamed of a family of his own. He had accepted the fact that he would be a loner for all his days. This dusky, star-spangled confession was new territory to the admittedly awkward follower.
Rosethorn just stared, trying to process this new side of Phantomfox. It didn’t seem that he was at risk of a rejection, at least not yet- but more that he was not done being questioned. “You’re not in love with me...” she said, whiskers twitching in confusion. “You think I’m annoying, that I talk too much, that I put myself and others in danger with my uselessness... don’t you?”
If he loved her... why wouldn’t he come back for her? Was she not enough in the end, even if he did love her?
A shaking, breathy laugh followed Rosethorn's doubt. "Of course I think you're annoying. You are single-handedly the most annoying, frustrating cat I've ever met and you definitely talk way too much. So much, in fact, that you talk in your sleep, too. There's never a moment's peace when you're around because you're gonna talk about every single thing that crosses your mind and then some. You are woefully unaware of danger, a pain in my tail more often than you aren't, and... you are the most entertaining, interesting individual for all of the reasons I've already listed. I slept better when you were there. I was nicer when you were there. I was me when you were there. You aren't useless, Rosethorn. You are intelligent, crafty, and resilient. You came out of your trauma a lot better than I ever could." There was no waver this time when he spoke, conviction streaked through his voice.
Rosethorn hung on his words, letting them warm her down to her paws, filling her soul with a cautious kind of joy. So he did love her. Finally, finally, someone preferred her over her sister. Someone saw her for who she was and accepted her, flaws and all. At last, a smile broke over her features, sweet and shy.
After a long moment she stepped forward, burying her face in Phantomfox's shoulder. "I love you too," she whispered, like the words were a heavy secret. "I have for a while- but I thought... I thought you didn't like me. That's why I didn't say anything." Worry over the future clouded her mind, though, tinting the moment with hesitation. "But what do you want to come from this confession? You won't come to Summerclan- you don't want to be with me all the time. Do you... do you want to do long distance? I know Ratstar is okay with that. But I saw how hard that was on my sister... the mistakes she made during the months of doubt and worry."
He allowed himself to lean on Rosethorn, almost like he depended on her to keep him upright. Her fur was warm and plush against his side while the remainder of his body was cold, too cold, the breeze that wound around them still frosted by the presence of leaf-bare. "I didn't come into this with a plan," he admitted solemnly. "I never had a plan. I expected to be...hated, never loved. I expected to be alone my whole life. It's a miracle that we're here right now, so...if I can find someone like you to love someone like me," Even now the idea seemed so far-fetched, so unlikely. Phantomfox felt her confession right down to his bones; it filled him, strengthened him, and it sparked the hope for a future beyond existing. There was still a shadow of uncertainty ahead of them that he could hear in her questions and feel in the deep sighs she released.
Reinvigorated, or impassioned, or just plain hopeful for the first time since the attack left him hollowed out, he continued. "Look, if we can be here right now, then I think we can do anything, even long distance... for now. We can do anything together, okay?" His muzzle dipped to rest his nose on the crown of her head, right in between her ears, the same way he'd done when she soundly slept next to him during her recovery in MoonClan, her scent wisping through him.
Phantomfox sounded so convincing, so hopeful, that Rosethorn allowed herself to believe it. "Long distance for now," she agreed, enjoying the way that his touch felt on the top of her head. "But I want to be together eventually." The life she wanted wasn't possible if they spent the rest of the lives being weekend lovers.
There was a general shuffle of activity from the gathering place behind them- the sound of a large multitude of cats beginning to return to their groups. "We should probably go, or I'll be missed," she said, pulling back reluctantly. "Though your clan might be happy to get rid of you," she grinned, reaching up to brush her cheek to his again. "I'll find a way to see you soon."
