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「 Her paws were taking her . . . where? She really had no such clue. They were off with a mind of their own. She wondered that, if they had little voices, would they tell her where they were headed? Or would they keep a secret? She dwelled on the subject for but a few extra moments before it escaped the grasp of her mind. It wasn’t that important.
Her mind wandered, never fully grasping onto one subject at a time. Her inner voice a buzzing sound of pointless words and phrases. She could tell, from the moment she stood straight this morning, that it would be one of those strange days. Sometimes she liked those days, where she didn’t feel, didn’t think, but most she wished she could be normal. Unless this was normal? Did others feel like she did? Of course, Camellia could never muster up the courage to ask.
Really, the passage of time was a white blur on her conscious. Where was she, again? Was this the dreamland she always visited but never remembered? Her feet were carrying her, continuing on, until they just stopped. Did she do that? She could hardly care. 」 . . .
Post by strawberrycupid on Dec 31, 2019 18:47:32 GMT -5
(i'm here at last)
Designerdarling moved slow, far slower than most of the other Winterclan cats. The auburn she-cat was covered in snow from head to toe, a decent cover though nothing as good as what the others had naturally. Today was a day off from training Frozenpaw, so she took to hunting. Or attempting to. She had already lost two sparrows and a few mice from being spotted. No matter how much snow she shoveled on herself, it didn't hide her abysmal hunting. But finally, finally, she was right next to a good-sized squirrel. A rare find in the dead of winter. She held her breath, shaking her bottom and getting ready to pounce when she felt some presence behind her.
She was ready for it to be nothing, some fragment of a ghost from the past. But when she turned around and was faced with Camellia, and a wave of fear hit her like a ton of bricks. She floundered forward, snapping her head around as the squirrel ran away. "UGH, just what are you doing?" She snapped, her frustration taking over her fear.
(welcome, welcome, please take a seat, i’ve prepared,, nothing)
She stared down at her paws—or the holes that they left in the snow, rather. She was lost for a second, staring at the disturbed powdery snow on the ground, before she looked up, startled by the sudden voice. Her fur rose. She hadn’t even noticed the other she-cat, too busy doing . . . what? Camellia’s head seemed utterly blank as she turned to face the other she-cat. She did wonder, for a brief moment, who she was and if she was even there at all, but it left her head immediately. She looked upset. “Oh—I—Well, I don’t—I don’t know?” She responded, her voice rushed and quiet. She shifted her weight on her paws. Did this molly follow her? Why did she seem upset? Or maybe she wasn’t at all, and she was doing all this to upset Camellia. She was probably making a fool of herself.
“Uh—“ What was she suppose to say? She stared at her paws, willing them to take her away somewhere else, willing them to somehow wake her up.
Post by strawberrycupid on Jan 1, 2020 15:34:17 GMT -5
(ah nothing my favorite. how did you know?)
Designer didn't know her name, but she knew her as a newer member of Winterclan. Still, what was with her? "Ugh... I know you're new but come on." Her anger fizzled out, still smoldering but overcome by her frustration. The tiny retreating paw prints in the snow were another mark of her failure. Her heartbeat started to slow, the adrenaline deluding through her system. She let out a huff and rubbed the bridge of her nose with her paw, "Don't sneak up on people. Especially when they're hunting, okay? You're lucky it was me and I swore off tearing throats out." Big words from one who never tore a throat out, always too afraid to. There was nothing else to do but stand back up.
Her fur still stood on end, but she wasn’t feeling as anxious anymore. It was like someone put a soft fog over her mind, dulling her thoughts. She still didn't know what to say, so she stayed silent.
“Sneak up on you? I don’t think I did that.” And even if she did, she didn’t mean too! Was that too rude? She had no idea, and for a few moments she didn’t care. “Well—I . . . uhm . . . who are you?” She asked, cringing at herself. Pathetic. She would much rather not be talking to the she-cat, but Camellia couldn’t just leave. That would be weird, wouldn’t it?
Post by strawberrycupid on Jan 3, 2020 0:47:54 GMT -5
(wow good hunch.)
"Gee, you got anything going on up there?" Designerdarling tapped the side of Camellia's head with her tail. She couldn't believe someone was so... airheaded. Some walked around not even aware of their surroundings, but this was a whole different level of unawareness. She was almost convinced this she-cat was messing with her, trying to get a rise or something for a laugh. Though the longer her gaze shifted around, the more Designer didn't think that was the case. "Uh... Designerdarling. Soldier. You?"
“Don’t touch.” She said stiffly, though there was no unkindness in her tone. She barely caught the molly’s name, too focused on her shifting paws. “Designerdarling?” She repeated quietly. Strange name, but hers wasn’t better. “Uh— Camellia, also a soldier. Though I don’t think i’m a very good one— but I’m new so maybe they’ll give me a pass but I’m not too sure.” She stopped herself from rambling further. She shrunk into herself. Though her head was bowed, she kept sending glances up at Designerdarling, trying to see if they caught eyes. Eye contact was important, right? She didn’t like it much.
Camellia let out a sudden nervous laugh, her tail twitching.
Post by strawberrycupid on Jan 4, 2020 21:14:13 GMT -5
There was no way this one had heard anything juicy. She seemed to trip over Winterclan's gossips name. Expecting much else was a waste of time. Still, she wasn't sure she could leave Camellia alone. For all she knew, the other soldier could simply walk off and never be seen again. "First step of that is to get out of your own head and actually be aware of your surroundings. Can you do that?" And the second is to not mess up a catch. Prey was important, especially when they were stuck in the middle of leafbare.
An embarrassed flush settled on her face. Was she really that air-headed? Easy to get in her head, sure, but it was just so difficult to get out. “I can try?” she offered. She always had so many thoughts, but at the same time seemed to have so little. It frustrated her sometimes. She didn’t much like reality, so why would she pay attention to it. Though, if she had much of a choice, she’d really choose to be more observant.
“I find it difficult . . . but y’know, i’m not the only one.” She hoped. Nervously kneading the snow, she flexed her claws for no particular reason other than to get her nervous energy out. Maybe she wasn’t cut out for this at all, maybe she should just go off and continue her travels to who knows where.
Post by strawberrycupid on Jan 7, 2020 18:50:41 GMT -5
Designerdarling hung her head, own claws digging into the snow to vent her anger. She almost wished she could be as absent from reality as this she-cat. But no, she was plagued by it for every waking moment of her life. There was no escape and it was only in moments like this where she was grateful for that. "I'm sure there are and look, this isn't the kind of place that's gonna give you a pass for long. So you gotta start providing in some way." Winterclan reminded her somewhat of her old home, where it felt like all she did was work. Even with the times of rest, she couldn't bring herself to most days.
Maybe she really wasn’t meant for this. She had tried, many times before, to be more alert, to stop those strange moments of fog, but it had never worked. It happened without her ability to control it. She wondered why. Why her? What was the point of it? It wasn’t helping her, it wasn’t doing anything for her. At least, not that she was aware of. “Well—I—what do you do that I don’t?” She instantly regretted her words. She didn’t like to be harsh, she didn’t like to be confrontational. But, still. Camellia hunted and sometimes even practiced her fighting—though with that she was bad at. She averted her gaze again. “Uh—sorry. I don’t think I’m cut out for this.” Her mind flailed. What was she suppose to do after that statement? Leave? Stay? Cry? Thoughts bumbling but not sticking, she got to her paws and turned without thinking. They always did seem to have a mind of their own.
Post by strawberrycupid on Jan 10, 2020 15:08:43 GMT -5
Her ears flattened to her head briefly at the snap, a defensive flare rising in her stomach that made her open her mouth. "Well, I--" She started, but stopped as Camellia apologized to her. Muttering out that it was fine, Designerdarling hung her head. She knew she was the pot calling the kettle black. I mean, look, she hadn't even caught a piece of prey all day. And here she was telling the other she-cat she needed to contribute. The hypocrisy was not lost on her, but she couldn't muster an apology as Camellia began to walk away. Designer's paws scratched at the snow as she thought, mind turning until she finally let out a huff. "Why'd you join in the first place?"
Oh good going, she had offended her. “Oh—I’m . . . I’m sorry, again.” She said quietly. Camellia mentally kicked herself—why couldn’t she stop talking? She sounded pathetic, really. Her paws continued moving for a few moments more, stopping at Designerdarling’s question. Why had she joined? She liked travelling. Sure, it was lonely at times, but loneliness was something she could take, wasn’t it? Her striped tail twitched in thought.
“Well, I guess I needed a place to settle. I thought I’d be cut out for it, but maybe not.” She was spilling too much! Why did she have to bother everyone with her stupid problems? The other molly asked a simple question, she did not need a whole life story. “Have you been here all your life?” She asked. Maybe the question was a bit invasive, a bit useless, even.
Post by strawberrycupid on Jan 14, 2020 22:13:04 GMT -5
"It's okay." Designerdarling softened just a little. The more she talked, the more vulnerable she made herself. Designer couldn't find a reason to keep needling her. It was never fun but especially not now. "I'm new too." And probably not cut out for this either. Looking down at her paws, she suddenly spun around "Here. It's not much, but I'll help you... if you'd like."
Her pale eyes rested on her paws for a moment. It was okay? A soft feeling rested in the pit of her stomach. It was a strange feeling—but she didn’t mind it. Camellia turned to face Designerdarling, a short, awkward laugh erupting from her mouth. So she was new, too? At least she wasn’t alone here. She wonder if Designerdarling felt just as alone and confused as she did.
“Help me?” She paused, taken aback. Not much? It was a lot and so much more. She wasn’t used to having near strangers—or anybody, really, help her. “That would be . . . great.” Her paws shuffled, and the light feeling made its way to her chest. Maybe Designerdarling wasn’t as bad as she initially thought.
Post by strawberrycupid on Jan 17, 2020 14:18:22 GMT -5
She'd never admit she was the exact same like a moon ago. Okay, still now. But still. She ought to help, that was the clan thing to do. The supposed right thing to do. It was unfamiliar territory for Designerdarling. She should cross it sometime. Well, at least Camellia was feeling better. She was light enough to where she didn't have to cover herself in snow all the time like Designer had to. "Okay, let's move a bit. I bet all the prey has been scared off." Besides, her feet felt like they were gonna fall off if they didn't move.
Camellia laughed awkwardly, feeling the sound die in her throat almost as soon as it left her mouth. “Heh, probably.” Her paws were numb, she could barely feel her face, and her tail twitched and shivered. She missed the warm days.
“Heh, yeah...” She trudged her way ahead, not exactly knowing where she was going. She had no clue where all the prey would go anyway. She stopped. “Uhm—you lead the way, of you want.”
Post by strawberrycupid on Jan 19, 2020 0:18:09 GMT -5
Designerdarling did not waste any time, leading the way down the mountain. The borders held some better, and it was a little warmer than up at camp. She didn't bother to talk during this trek, just walking was taxing enough. Though as the snow began to loosen, she couldn't help the sigh of relief. She stepped over the border, where the snow was almost nonexistent. "Alright, warm up then let me know when you're ready."
She followed, trying to steady her footing as she trekked down the mountain. She wondered which border they were headed for—not quite sure which Clan was which just yet. An involuntary shiver wracked her body, as if it were leaving the cold behind. The air got warmer, the snow loosened up. Following Designerdarling, Camellia stepped over the border as well, relishing in the lack of snow. Maybe she would be able to feel her paws soon!
“Oh—Alright.” She sat down, shaking out her pelt for no particular reason. She tried to think of something to say, too overwhelmed with the awkwardness of the air. Or maybe it was just her. Maybe Designerdarling didn’t feel that awkward at all and it was just Camellia tainting the air. She pushed her thoughts from her mind, focusing on kneading the ground with her claws.
Post by strawberrycupid on Jan 21, 2020 19:00:32 GMT -5
She didn't expect much trouble from Springclan. Especially considering they were just sitting here, not even stealing prey or herbs. It was still the thick of winter, but even this little difference helped a lot. Shaking the snow off, she laid down, pulling her legs under her to try and warm them. The sun was at least out and gave them bits of relief from the cold grip.
Designerdarling didn't really pay attention to the time moving, her ears craned behind her to try and catch a sound if they were spotted. The longer they say, the less she worried. "So, where else have your travels taken you?" She looked over at Camellia, an actual curiosity and interest in her voice. She never got to travel much, so she wanted to know what it was like out there.
