Warrior Cat Clans 2 (WCC2 aka Classic) is a roleplay site inspired by the Warrior series by Erin Hunter. Whether you are a fan of the books or new to the Warrior cats world, WCC2 offers a diverse environment with over a decade’s worth of lore for you - and your characters - to explore. Join us today and become a part of our ongoing story!
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It was unfair that Doefreckle could so easily make him swoon. He had no right, he had done nothing to claim dominion over the leader, and yet his rambling speech was already becoming so endearing it warmed Chim to listen. It was light and friendly and his 'i don't want to hurt you' sent shivers down his spine, fearful and reassured all at once. He was so close to edge now, he could feel it, like he was balanced on a knife edge ridge between two unknowns and one path would finally break him and complete his misery, and the other just maybe was a chance to be happy— and the deputy could push him to the other side so easily, too easily, if he let this continue.
You're nervous again, he noted and took a deep breath to quell those dramatic questions of life and death in his head, to focus in on the moment and on some story about a fox— but then Doefreckle touched his cheek and the breath he had so carefully taken was gone again, lost as if it had never been. He was so close and his voice was so soft and quiet and now Chim could smell him and only him, rosemary and something sweet and foreign, and he stepped forward to meet him as his pupils dilated and he inhaled again— and then he was reigning himself in again, distancing them and shaking his scent from his mind.
"Yeah, 'course," he mumbled. "The border— ah— this way." He stared about them vacantly, then remembered himself and turned back down the path, ginger coat raising slightly. "How well can you swim? Do you need a dry way out?"
He swallowed hard as cool air filled his lungs again and he could properly think back again to what the deputy had been saying. "So you— you name the foxes in your territory?" he asked lamely.
Doefreckle hung back a moment as Chimerastar padded down the path, watching him go with a small, soft smile that was as adoring as it was bewildered – the leader was nervous, and it was because of him; he’d done something right, and now… Now, he had no clue of anything anymore; the world felt dreamy and gentle, all soft-focus sunlight and the distant buzzing of cicadas, and he was more than happy to drown in it. He wanted to stay here forever with him – not here, not WaterClan, just… with him. Away from wars and pain and all the things out there that could hurt them. He wanted to give himself entirely to Chimerastar, wanted to be his and know the leader was his in return, wanted to disappear into a softer reality where the sun was always warm and the shadows were always deep. It was a mad thing to wish for so soon, but Doefreckle had never been especially good at pacing himself and had always been so very good at losing himself in anything that felt like love.
“Oh, I can swim, don’t you worry,” he called after him with a boastful sort of laugh, following quickly with an awkward, uneven stride that was half-trot and half-limp. He fell in next to him on the side of his remaining eye, mindful to stay where Chimerastar could see him. “I’ve done it precisely once and there were rave reviews – the birds especially liked the part where I fell through the ice and landed in the river. The squirrels, they liked the— oh! Wait, did you say swim? Nah, I can’t do that, but I can do a remarkable impression of what a drowning cat might sound like. Because it was me. I was the drowning cat. We’ve had some good times, water and I. Always fun.” He smiled at the tom beside him, just happy to look at him and feel his heart do all kinds of brazen flips and flops. Plastering on a sweet grin, he added, “dry way, please.” Not that he wouldn’t love to see the leader dripping wet.
So you – you name the foxes in your territory? Doefreckle let out a soft laugh, stepping a little closer to Chimerastar so he could feel the warmth of his body. “Oh, sure. I mean, they don’t, but I name everything. There’s Humbug, Fernando, Miss Doesn’t-Like-It-When-I-Get-Chased-By-Her-Cubs-Like-It-Was-Somehow-My-Fault – that one was before my leg, obviously, when I could still run. Yeah, it was good. I haven’t met many in SummerClan yet but I’m just hoping she doesn’t track me down – one of these days she will, though, and then we’re gonna have a face-off the likes of which no one has ever seen. You’re invited, of course, but you have to bring me a gift before I go into battle. It’s the rules.” He let out a purr and touched the side of his head to Chimerastar’s, not brave enough to rub against him but enjoying the contact nonetheless. “’Course, you could just bring yourself,” he went on quietly, gaze losing a little of its innocent sweetness as he tentatively tested their boundaries. “Spending the night with you doesn’t sound like that bad of a going-away present.”
Tentatively Chim allowed a rumbling laugh and a half-smile. Despite his nerves he found himself relaxing again, adapting to the deputy's cheerful spirit and tales. He didn't usually let his guard down around other cats, let alone cats that were supposed to be his enemy (because that's what Doefreckle was, at the end of the day: an enemy, a cat from another clan, a potential threat, nothing else, certainly not... something other than an enemy, and he'd do well to remember that). But he trusted the deputy already, just a bit, because he was warm and kind and he smiled and apologized and felt so genuine. He was playing him like a fool, but he was falling for it, completely and against his will. And he didn't even mind. It was just so frustrating.
"So you can't find your way around my territory and you can't swim. You came all this way and you'd be the worst conquerer in all the clans," he mused. "What are you good at?"
Fighting foxes, apparently. He cocked his head slightly as Doefreckle went on, ignoring the little stammer in his chest as he moved closer, because he not a lovesick apprentice and he was not going to make a big deal out of this. He didn't move away either, a little spiteful, silently accepting the challenge and taking it in stride. "Oh really? You.... sure about that?" His brow raised and he leaned in with a seductive grin, daring the other tom to flinch first... only he figured out pretty quickly he had no idea what to say, and his expression was ridiculous and probably closer to a terrified-uncomfortable grimace than a grin. Ah. Not his game.
Oh really? You... sure about that? Doefreckle grinned back at Chim lopsidedly, tucking his chin into his throat as the leader leaned closer. “You’re rubbish at flirting,” he purred, voice rough with laughter and cheeks pushed up into his eyes. After a moment more of simply feeling his heart burst and unashamedly admiring the leader, Doefreckle dropped his grin into a thin, sly smile and whispered, “good thing I’m not.” He closed the distance between them and slunk under Chimerastar’s chin with a low purr, rubbing the top of his head against the other tom’s throat and his side against his chest; he arched his back into the contact for a brief moment longer before slipping away, his tail the last thing to trail under Chim’s jaw and flick his cheek.
“That’s what I’m good at,” he added with mock-arrogant smugness, padding along the path with his chin raised and a spring in his step. “And I wouldn’t say I’m a terrible conquerer, Chimerastar. I’ve made rather quick work of you.” He glanced back over his shoulder, eyes warm and harmless, and stopped to wait for him. Truthfully, he wasn’t at all certain of the leader’s feelings for him — was actually a little sick with insecurity that he was trying very hard to drown out with wildflowers and sunshine and blissful emotional repression. This could last a day, or a week, or not even to the border; it could crumble, or fade, or simply become... nothing.
Almost certainly because he would ruin it. Because he would take this beautiful warmth blooming in his chest and find a way to turn it to dust. But he didn’t want to think about that right now. Chimerastar was here, and Doefreckle could make him laugh, and he wanted to love him — oh, he wanted to love him in all the ways he deserved to be loved; wanted to find all the fracture lines and stitches and numb points and cover them with warmth and softness and all the soft touches and words he could find; wanted to give him everything he had and find the safe, easy silence he’d been searching for all his life — and it was enough. It was enough.
StarClan help me. Citrus and rosemary overwhelmed him when the deputy was close. He closed his eyes to breath it in, savoring the flavor under his tongue and the warmth of the deputy against him. He was caught off guard and even if he wanted to respond he couldn't, could barely breathe because it might shatter the brief moment. It didn't matter that it was wrong, it felt right, and his heart arched at the desolate cold in his fur when the other tom stepped away.
He swallowed hard as he opened his eyes again, struggling to control himself. His heavy half-gaze followed Doefreckle until he stopped again, and the leader forced his paws forward, like nothing had happened, like it was someone possible to disguise his reaction, and he let out a long breath through his nose at that kit's tale. As he rejoined him he had to focus hard to remember the words spoken to him and make sense of them again.
"Oh, what a clever plan, try and seduce the leader so he'll just hand over the clan without a fight. Like that'll ever happen," he scoffed, trying not to sound too shaken, or too serious. It was a joke, he could hardly mind, though his mouth twisted with bitter mirth at the idea of it. It was a little too close to home, to what had happened to the leader before him in his absence from the clan. "Maybe if you were a few moons earlier, but my clan already learned that lesson. Try the Regime, those tunnel rats have never seen fur as soft as yours."
Doefreckle smiled, thin and teasing and careless enough to be lop-sided, one canine tooth peeking out under his lip. “Try and seduce,” he echoed softly, meeting Chim’s gaze and giving his head a little, grinning shake on try. He let out a laugh, not entirely sure for himself where the comical cockiness ended and his real pride and pleasure began. Those tunnel rats have never seen fur as soft as yours. Doefreckle smiled, the tip of his tongue stuck between his front teeth. Not so bad at flirting after all, then, he thought giddily, feeling his skin growing hot under his fur. “Oh, no,” he continued cheerfully, falling back in step beside the leader and subconsciously entwining and disentangling their tails every now and again. A lovesick, irrational part of him - which, really, was most of him - felt like he would never grow tired of being able to touch the leader, like he'd never be able to get physically close enough to satisfy himself. He wanted to feel him everywhere, wanted to be able to smell his scent on his fur long after he'd returned to his own den, wanted to drown in him. “Even I stay away from the Regime. I was friendly with this guy one time back when I was in BrookClan and – turns out – he was a spy.” He shrugged and pulled a face like what are ya gonna do? “Needless to say, things didn’t last much longer past that.”
He let out a laugh and looked up at Chim with a smile. “You’re not a spy, are you? If you are, whoo, you’re sure pulling the longest long-con in history. I only ask ‘cause my brother says I need to learn from my mistakes and I assume honest communication is the best way to start. It’s not like a spy would lie or anything. Hey, this is our turn, right?” He added the last part as they arrived at the end of the path and into the open territory, gesturing vaguely in the direction he thought SummerClan might be. He realised suddenly that he hadn’t really stopped purring in quite a while; he smiled at the thought.
“Me, a spy?” His muzzle wrinkled in disgust, and he laughed— sharp and cruel and loathing. He had told his clan he had resolved his differences with the Regime, but it was far from the truth: even just standing here with his anger was enough to distract him from the deputy and a low growl rumbled in his throat. His tail whipped away to lash back and forth.
He turned down the path toward SummerClan, a little surprised the deputy had guessed or known it, while his jaw clenched. Then, reluctantly, he muttered, “Renegade Regime has taken everything from me. Every time I have something good, when someone trusts me or I trust someone or I’m finally almost happy, they take it all and destroy it. But we’re still allies, because what does it matter what I think, right? They’re kin now and we need them.”
He let out a shallow breath to dissipate his anger though it hardly affected the pounding in his skull. He was on the verge of flying into a rage and attacking or breaking down in tears and for the life of him he couldn’t tell which.
Doefreckle glanced at the leader with his brows pushed together and upwards, soft and bewildered and guilty. But this anger was a different sort, almost confessional; it wasn’t directed at him, it was simply like Chim needed someone to listen to all the screaming inside his head. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, so very, destructively good at taking someone else’s pain on as his own.
He looked down at his paws, feeling the sadness where Chim felt the anger. “But it does matter what you think. It always matters. I don’t know what happened, because I’m— self-absorbed and stupid and I never paid attention to anything that actually mattered, but... everything you feel, it’s justified. And I’m sorry for all the times anyone has made you feel like it wasn’t, or you didn’t. Matter, I mean. I’m sorry,” he muttered again, voice quiet and sorrowful, and tried a small smile. “I’m doing the babbly thing again. And I don’t know what I’m talking about. But whatever they did to you, whatever anyone’s done to you... you’re allowed to be angry. Even if you don’t want to be. Even if it scares you. You are.” He smiled again, as soft as it was sad, but there was no humour in his voice when he added, “And you’re allowed to cry.”
He let out a breath, ears flattened self-consciously. “If I let myself feel half the things I pretend don’t exist,” he whispered, stumbling a little over a clump of reeds, “I’d go mad.” With that, he forced another smile and looked up at Chim, pricking his ears and bumping his forehead against the leader’s shoulder. “Anyway, we don’t have to talk about yucky things like feelings if you’d rather talk about cool things like bird-shaped rocks. And how devilishly cute I am. And how much I want to make you happy.” The last part was a little more serious than the rest, like it was the thing he’d truly wanted to say tucked away amidst all the meaningless fluff.
His eye squeezed shut and he turned his muzzle slightly away as he began to count his breaths. His heart jumped and shuddered as he fought to calm it, only half-listening to the deputy at first; other cats had tried to settle his anger or soothe him before and it had rarely worked, they always said the wrong things, and Doefreckle seemed an expert at saying the wrong thing. But as he went on he couldn't help but listen. His words helped but his tone nearly wrecked the leader, gentle and quiet and sad, and Chim felt another twist of self-loathing deep inside for making the deputy relive his own dark memories.
The tension in his jaw slackened and his breathing eased. It had helped, what Doefreckle told him, and the pained tone that he couldn't shake from his kind, even if the deputy could move on so easily. He glanced over at him again, neatly stepping over the familiar reeds without a second thought, and hesitating just a step in case the other tom didn't regain his balance and needed to be caught. Real concern flashed in his gaze before he shook his head slightly and moved on, the little bump leaving in its wake a pleasant tingling.
And how much I want to make you happy. Just a few little words and he had stolen the leader's breath away again. He could have laughed with the frustrating wonder of it. "Well," he said slowly, "I suppose we have one rock that looks somewhat like a chick... round as a young one puffed up with down, anyway. And," he did his best to mimic the casual tone, though the words caught nervously in his throat, "I don't know if you're devilishly cute, it's really more angelic. And lastly," he considered the final statement and tried to find a balance between a collected-serious-genuine tone and a would-you-stop-saying-things-like-this-without-warning-you're-going-to-give-me-a-heart-attack tone, "I.... I'm fine how I am. I don't want you to hurt yourself just trying to help me, I don't want to hurt you. So if, when we get up there, and you're happy with your clan, and i'm sure you are... don't come back." His voice was strangled in the quiet surrounding them but he had to say it, because everyone around him died and usually, to be frank, nearly always, it was his fault. He didn't want that for Doefreckle.
Doefreckle was dimly aware of the way his heart tightened and ached with every moment Chim was silent; he was hurting, and he’d been hurting for a long, long time, alone, and Doefreckle would have done anything, given anything, to take that pain away for only a second. For a moment, he imagined the peace that would come with forgetting everything, with waking up in a world where he didn’t remember all the bad things and there were only soft, dim memories of soft words and having once been loved. But that wasn’t the world they lived in, and for whatever reason, he had done something to deserve it. He sunk back into reality with as soft and hopeful a heart as he could manage, and he supposed it was a quiet sort of denial to resign himself to smiling in the face of all that awful loneliness.
It’s really more angelic. He smiled, small and sweet and sad, and looked up at Chim. The smile fell as the leader continued, replaced by a fierce sort of frown. Now that he was so close to... to something, the thought of losing it, the terror of it, made him furious. He cut in front of Chimerastar and stopped, meeting his gaze with a look that was half-fierce glare, half-desperation. “As charming as you are, Your Majesty, you don’t get to decide what’s good for me, or what I do, and how I do or don’t hurt myself. All I’ve been through — I seriously doubt you could throw anything so astonishingly new and terrible at me that I’d be hurt in a way I haven’t already been. I’m not going to walk away from you because you, or I, or both of us are scared of something that might not happen. Maybe that makes me stupid, but...” He took a step closer, frown softening. He felt vulnerable, and starved, and braver than he’d ever felt in his life, a wild sort of courage that was all recklessness and the gentlest sort of heart-sick. “I want to be with you. And if you don’t, then I’ll still be happy, because I find a way and I always am, and I’ll get on with my life and go home to my Clan and wish you all the best. But I think you do, too. I want to be with you, and I want to give you a love that doesn’t hurt, and I want to be able to show you what it feels like to be safe — because I don’t know either, and you’re the one I want to find out with.”
He fell silent for a moment and looked down at his paws, breath shuddering. Finally, he raised his head and stared up at the leader pleadingly, eyes wet with tears. In a whisper, he finished, “Please don’t push me away.”
He glared back resolutely, short fur on his neck starting to bristle. This time, Chimerastar wasn’t backing down. He couldn’t stop Doefreckle from getting hurt, but he could make sure he wasn’t the one to do it. A low, fierce rumble answered the deputy as his lips tightened and drew back to reveal his bared teeth and his muzzle turned mountainous with a drawn snarl. He stepped closer as well when the deputy dared, adamant he wouldn’t be one to break his heart or worse, because there was no good way for a relationship with forbidden to end. It hurt to walk away, but it was a small price to pay; it would save them both suffering and then at least one of them would have a chance to be happy.
Certain in what he had to do, nothing should shake him. Not the searing agony in his chest at the parting, or the look in Doefreckle’s eyes, the guilt at seeing him crumble at his paws. “This isn’t safe, it’s wrong, it’s forbidden,” he insisted. “Please, just... just go,” he ordered, his voice cracking in hysteria. He tried to go on but tears flowed down his own cheeks then, and he choked.
“Damn you,” he cried, over and over again, as he stumbled forward and buried his face in the tom’s sweet fur. He couldn’t do it, he was too weak, he was helpless to resist his deputy.
Doefreckle stumbled under the impact, staring down at the leader, wide-eyed and bewildered, as he fell apart against him. He was frozen for a moment, afraid to move in case he broke something, afraid to breathe in case it brought Chimerastar back to his senses and drove him away from him; and then, he shattered as well. He rested his chin on the top of the other tom’s head and buried his nose in his neck fur, suddenly overwhelmed by the need to protect him, to cradle him and shelter him from the rest of the world. Chim was older, and he was leader, and he’d been through so much horror and heartache, but feeling him breaking against him now, he was so fragile, so small, and Doefreckle felt himself choking up at the thought of anything hurting him ever again.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he choked out, voice strangled by tears and muffled against Chim’s fur. Sniffing, he ducked his head to catch the leader’s eye, offering a weak smile that shook around a tight sob and looked far more overwhelmed than comforting, and pressed his muzzle against Chim’s. He could feel the warmth of their breaths mingling, could feel Chim’s heart beating against his; all he could smell and hear and feel was him, and it felt like the most beautiful sort of drowning. He thought he’d never stop crying — with relief, with panic, with desperate, starving love. “I want you. I want you.” He breathed it over and over, till it was teary, nonsensical babble. “And when I go home, I’ll still want you. I’ll always want you. And I want to try. I want to love you the way you deserve to be loved.”
He let out a soft, strangled laugh and dragged his cheek against’s Chim’s to press his forehead against his, nuzzling gently to try and coax the leader to look at him. “I won’t tell it you don’t,” he whispered, eyes soft and hopeful and pupils blown to Hell. “I’m quite good at keeping secrets. And it might be hard to tell with all these tears, but I would be so happy to keep this secret of ours if you’ll let me.”
Sheltered against the deputy, warm rosemary scent comforting him, he was finally able to admit he would never have been able to walk away. Even with the risks they faced, with the certainty of eventual discovery, even though he was not much of a daredevil, he couldn't restrain himself. What they had, whatever it was, was good; and with how fleeting most good in his life was, he had to cling to the precious little pieces he was offered. He couldn't walk away from a chance with Doefreckle, not now. With the deputy's reassurances soothing his spirit he relaxed into the touch and the warmth and let it fill him. The buzzing was back under his skin, easy and exciting, and despite his tears, he was so content in the moment he wouldn't have minded staying there forever.
As Doefreckle moved to touch his forehead he sighed, tipping his head up in an effort to stop him from pulling away, then reluctantly opened his eye again and looked up at him, held by the magnetism of his gaze. "I won't tell a soul," he murmured back solemnly. "Nobody needs to know."
He stayed a moment longer, then stepped back with a ragged laugh. "We really should get you home, though, before someone notices." His voice was still breathy, stolen away, and he wanted nothing more than to stay there, but they had to go. It couldn't last, and his mind was whirling and he was exhausted from the emotions coursing through him, even if they were positive. He smiled again, crooked, and nosed him. "Come on, deputy, it's not far now."
[ can chim’s nickname for doe just be “deputy” even when he’s leader, bc that’s the most chim kind of pet name i can imagine LMAO ♥️ ]
I won’t tell a soul. Nobody needs to know. For a long moment, Doefreckle just gazed at Chimerastar with his mouth half-open in a disbelieving almost-smile and his eyes tear-wet and dreamy; this was real, and it was happening, and he was already sinking deeply, uncontrollably in love. He couldn’t stop himself, and he didn’t want to. He let out a shuddery breath and it felt like throwing everything to the wind, like exhaling all his fears and breathing in a new world; this was all there was, and all he wanted there to be.
Chim nudged him and it brought him back to reality. He let out a soft, airy laugh as he staggered a step and grinned back sheepishly, suddenly shy after their emotional confessions, after the terrifying, intoxicating feeling of being truly known. And then Chim was smiling — really smiling — and Doefreckle’s heart flipped uselessly as he felt himself tumble down the last few steps into complete infatuation. For a few heartbeats, all he could do was smile back like an idiot, lost in his love for the leader and the sight of his happiness. You’re beautiful, he wanted to say. The scars, your eye — you’re so beautiful. I love you. I love you. God, I want you so badly.
“Yes!” he stammered at last, eyes still glazed and grin still messy and exhausted and utterly smitten. “Yes! My Clan. Not far. Okay. And, uh— same to you. Before someone notices. Like Tuskblood. She’d hunt me down and I wouldn’t stand a chance.” He smiled lop-sidedly and made to step in beside Chim again — then stepped back to where he was a second ago, touched his nose to the leader’s with a small, coquettish smile and hooded eyes, and finally fell in beside him with a self-satisfied, playful little purr. “Lead the way, my love. And promise you’ll give me a head start if she does. Hunt me down. Uh. Bit flustered. Sorry. You smell nice. Have I mentioned I might like you a little? Surprise!” He let out soft, nervous laugh and tipped his head to bury his nose in Chim’s shoulder, face hot with a lovely brand of embarrassment.
He shook his head lightly as they started on again, naturally adjusting his step to walk in sync with the other tom. For once he was glad his companion didn't swim, and they had to take the long way around; it had bought them a little while longer together. They wouldn't have many opportunities to spend time together, not with their clans so far apart, and he already envied the deputy's clanmates for all the time they spent at his side. For once, though, he'd have a reason to look forward to all-clan gatherings: even if they could not speak privately, at least he could see him again, and know he was okay.
"Anyone but Tuskblood," he agreed immediately, "she would never let me hear the end of this." Like so many others, she seemed to take great pleasure in getting under his fur and riling him up as much as possible with her insults and strange manners and persistent annoyance. Sometimes he wondered why he kept her around— but no, that wasn't fair, because for all her quirks he had to admit there were few other cats he would trust at his side. "If she hunts you down I'll order her to stop, and when she ignores me I'll do my best to delay her until you escape," he concluded, "but that's the best I can offer."
He resisted the urge to stop and smell himself, and see if he had rolled in some herb accidentally. Chim had never really considered himself to smell good, but maybe that had changed now that he was taking a little better care of himself, and he hadn't been back in the clan long enough for the fishy scent to really permeate his coat. He bent his head to rest on the deputy's, briefly, and murmured in his ear. "A little, huh? What would say if I liked you more than a little?"
Doefreckle let out a flustered snort and instantly covered his nose with his good forepaw, giggling softly in embarrassment. “Excuse me,” he laughed, voice breathy; he felt his face flush and he grinned sheepishly. “What is this, the first day of our apprenticeships?” he purred, ducking his head to hide his glowing ear-tips and side-stepping a little closer so their sides brushed against each other as they walked. “We’re grown ups, we should be past the—“ He adopted a high-pitched, squealing voice, “— ‘ooh, he like-likes me! Ooh, we’re gonna stargaze in a meadow full of fireflies and cuddle and recite poetry to ea—‘“ His voice returned to normal between one word and the next. “No, okay, don’t listen, la la la, that’s from my secret diary of perfect date ideas. It’s top secret. Only someone I really, really like-liked could ever get treated to a date from that list— ooooh.”
He slowly turned to look at Chim, smiling mischievously, and tilted his head sweetly. “Wait. I forgot about you.” He laughed softly and his expression shifted to something so innocent and hopeful. “Chimerastar. My darling. D’you wanna come on a date with me? Sometime next moon? In SummerClan,” he added quickly, letting out a purr and briefly touching his nose to the fur behind Chim’s ear. “I’m sorry, but I’m not walking back here on this leg, eternally lovely and infinitely desirable as you are. And you don’t have to prepare poetry. That’s the second date.” He grinned.
"I thought I was doing a good job flirting," he huffed, a little sulky. Maybe it had been a little childish, but he was trying his best. He wasn't used to any of this, so maybe he was a little rusty, but maybe if he was very very lucky he'd get more practice in with Doefreckle some day. Chim was still in shock that he was interested in someone, much less that someone liked him back, and he didn't have time to wonder why he was suddenly so outgoing to try flirting in the first place. But, well, maybe he shouldn't be surprised: the deputy was infectious, Chim loved everything he did and he couldn't stop grinning if he tried. Maybe once he was alone again he'd realize the insanity of how he was acting, but he was so wrapped up in the moment he was giddy at the idea of meeting again.
"Yes," he replied immediately, then ducked his head, chiding himself a little. He sounded so eager; maybe he was a newly-promoted apprentice after all, excited so easily. He coughed and tried again, slower this time. "I can't guarantee when I'll come, though. I'll find time and an excuse, just... depends on what's happening in the clan," he tried to explain, "they might need me." Then he snorted and shook his head. "StarClan, I hope they don't, I still don't know what I'm doing."
“You’re doing a very good job,” Doefreckle replied softly, giving Chim a gentle smile and touching his pink, freckly nose to the other tom’s. “You wouldn’t have made me fall for you so quickly if you weren’t. Well, no, actually, it was the threatening me and snarling at me that really did it – ooh, still gives me tingles – but the flirting is a nice little bonus.” He smiled again, eyes teasing.
Yes. His purr caught in his throat – yes, he said yes. He nodded along without hearing as Chim babbled on about his duties to his Clan, his grin growing wider and wider until he thought there must be a glow of sunshine around him. “Yeah, yes, of course,” he replied breathlessly when Chim fell silent, still grinning up at him with such hope and senseless, giddy joy. “Your Clan comes first – and—and I don’t know what I’m doing either. Not that I’m leader, but. Maybe one day. I hope not.” He let out another breathless laugh. “I just… want to give you a good sort of distraction from your Clan. You have a duty to them, but you don’t have to give everything, and you don’t owe them all of you. You still deserve a lil’ bit of a life outside the camp.” Doefreckle’s innocent expression turned sly and lustful again; he took a step closer and looked up at him with hooded eyes and a small, thin smile, touching the knuckle of his paw lightly to Chim’s foreleg. The closeness was a lovely sort of claustrophobia. “I think I can give you a little taste of life to keep you occupied.”
He suddenly grinned, the boyish innocence returning as his eyes lit up, and led the rest of the way towards the border with a touch of his tail to Chim’s cheek. He could smell the edge of WaterClan’s territory now, could see the change in scenery, but there wasn’t any of the sadness he had expected at the prospect of leaving; he was too excited by the promise of seeing him again for that. “Well,” he said quietly, stopping at the border and turning to face Chim with a soft, wistful smile. “When you’re ready to meet, leave a marigold at the gathering place. I’ll wait a week, a moon, ten moons, I don’t mind. As long as I get to see you again.” He stepped forward and buried his nose in Chim’s neck, nuzzling into the fur with a quiet purr. “I’ll bring flowers,” he murmured, almost under his breath, already thinking of the date. He smiled into Chim's fur.
He longed so fiercely for the deputy's words to be true, to indulge in the bittersweet hope that he could have a life outside of his clan. They had already asked so much of him, and he knew they would never stop; there would always be a threat, a need, something that required his sacrifice, required him to lay down everything he held dear and watch it be taken away. He had given his eye, his son and daughters, his love, his friends, and it had not been enough. The clan would not even settle for his life anymore, they had to drag nine suffering deaths from him, had to see him bleed for his clan until there was nothing left. The clan's needs mattered most of all, always, and he had grown used to pushing away his own wants. He wanted to be normal, to have a single life to give, to be left alone. He wanted Doefreckle. He wanted the distraction the deputy offered, he wanted to keep some part of himself away from the clan's demanding sacrificial claws, he wanted to find that little taste of peace and happiness and life and see what it was like.
He could go. He could away with the deputy right now, go find a new home, forget about his clan and try to live a life without sacrifice, if there was any life left in him. He could be with Doefreckle. He had never asked to be leader, he never wanted to be, he did his best to give it up already, it wasn't fair that he had to live for his clan instead of himself. He didn't want to plan battles, he wanted to look into those bright eyes until eternity passed them by, and he never, ever wanted to see him go. His chest ached at the parting, they had met so recently but it had been so good and he had forgotten how that felt. Maybe it wasn't possible, maybe he could never live like that, he had done something too horrid to be given such a chance; but at least he could try. A little taste, that was all the deputy was offering, right? Maybe he could manage that much. He would certainly try.
Don't go, he wanted to say, but instead he sighed and stepped away from Doefreckle first, shaking his head. "A marigold," he promised, his voice heavy with regret, but he couldn't take another second of them touching, not while knowing he was going to leave. He swallowed hard and looked away.
Doefreckle’s heart ached at Chim’s long silence; he knew they were both grappling with their own silent traumas, knew they were both drowning under the weight of them, knew the leader was suffering just as much as him, if not more. When Chimerastar finally stepped away, Doefreckle smiled at him sadly, a small, dim comfort amidst all the things that were wrong and all the things they wanted and couldn’t have – I know, it said, and in that moment, his heart was as broken as it was happy. I know.
A marigold. Doefreckle tilted his head, watching Chim with his brows upturned in a soft, doleful frown, and his smile turned sweet and gentle. “Chin up, soldier boy,” he whispered, forcing a crooked grin to lighten the sudden heaviness of the mood. “I’ll see you soon.” He wanted to make some dumb quip, wanted to say don’t miss me too much or don’t fall for any other pretty-boy deputies in the meantime, wanted to touch him one last time, wanted to say I love you, it's silly, it's mad, it's too soon, but this is different, this feels so different to all the other times, I love you, but all he could do was watch him – grief-struck, adoring, wistful. He’d always been terrible at goodbyes – he never wanted to leave, never wanted anything to be the final time, always ended up crying, and so he’d always talk too much and drag it out and just make it unbearable. And so, with a last small, tender smile and a lingering look, Doefreckle murmured “bye,” and turned and limped into the trees at the edge of EarthClan territory on the other side of the border. He didn't let himself look back; he only let himself think of the flowers he'd pick when Chim was ready and the feeling of his heart simultaneously healing and splintering in his chest.
He didn’t know what he was hoping for, didn’t know why he wanted this so badly; there was no way this could possibly end well, no way this could end in anything less than treason or heartbreak or death — but he wanted it. Chimerastar made him happier than he’d ever been and he wanted it all, the love, the calm, the high, even the pain. Maybe they could make this out alive. Maybe they could be happy.
