Warrior Cat Clans 2 (WCC2 aka Classic) is a roleplay site inspired by the Warrior series by Erin Hunter. Whether you are a fan of the books or new to the Warrior cats world, WCC2 offers a diverse environment with over a decade’s worth of lore for you - and your characters - to explore. Join us today and become a part of our ongoing story!
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The former leader continued digging silently, lethargically, staring into the growing hole. Looking up at Doestar with tired, heavy eyes, he nodded ever so slightly. “No, but, I kind of have to be.” Picking up the body of Foxkit, he nearly tripped over the grave he had dug before stepping around it and placing the kit inside. His shoulders felt heavy, as though he was carrying the weight of the world on them. He was slow, tired, and would be completely emotionless if not for the overwhelming grief tearing him up. All he wanted to do was sleep. Forget, even for a day.
“I just...” he trailed off, trying desperately to grasp onto any sensible words.
Doestar nodded silently, meeting Shadedsun's gaze for a moment before his eyes slipped down to Batkit's body. Suddenly, he was terrified - terrified of this all coming to an end, terrified at the fact that this would be the last time he'd see him, the last time he'd be able to touch him, the last time the four of the would be together. Terrified by the reality of having to now let go. When he'd been digging the grave, when he'd found the body - none of that had been as utterly terrifying as having to now truly let go. Heavy with grief, with his whole body trying to fight against him and stay where he was, he limped over to the kit's body and picked him up gently by the matted scruff.
He turned and stood over the grave for a long moment, trying to remember everything about how it felt to hold his son, before slowly lowering him into the earth. He stared down, lost in numb sorrow, before finally stepping back and sitting beside Shadedsun. "I know," he whispered again, and for a moment there was silence, just the sound of night-time and the grief of two fathers. "Be at peace, little ones," he breathed at last, voice scarcely audible. I'll never stop loving you, he wanted to say. I'll be there one day. But the words wouldn't come. He slowly pushed a pawful of earth into Batkit's grave, watching the soil sprinkle down over his body.
The ringing in his ears was deafening. Shadedsun sat there, staring into his son’s grave, wishing he could see him just one last time. The ringing quieted, replaces with the nighttime sounds. Crickets chirped loudly in his flattened ear. He barely took in Doestar’s words, and he really only piped in on reality when he heard the SummerClan leader begin to bury Batkit. Locating his own dirt pile, the former leader pushed it onto Foxkit’s body, watching the orange mesh with the brown until there was nothing left but dirt. Patting it with his paw, he hardly cared if it was uneven, at least then he’d be able to find it easily.
“Goodnight, sweets. When you reach StarClan—unless you’re already there—tell them off for me, please?” He let out a breathy laugh, mostly to fill the silence, as there was nothing funny. He wondered if anything would be as joyful again.
”What should we use to mark their graves?” Shadedsun asked quietly after being silent for a few moments. “Flowers? I know Batkit loves—loved them.”
Doestar smiled thinly, letting out a small huff of laughter through his nose and glancing at Shadedsun. At the look on his friend's face, the smile faltered a little and he looked back down. "Yes, he did," he agreed softly, purring quietly at the memory. "I don't... I barely know what Foxkit liked." A stab of guilt made his heart ache; he let out a broken little laugh, shaking his head.
He sat in silence for a moment longer, mind blank and the sad, lost little smile still on his face, before standing and wordlessly limping around the garden, picking flowers with his teeth and rearing up on his hindlegs to gently swat at blossoms on the trees. They fluttered down around him like pale pink rain, soft and delicate. Even through the fog of sorrow, he could see the beauty of it. He padded back over to the graves and, letting out a soft breath, sprinkled the flowers over the earth, watching them flutter down to rest on the upturned soil.
Shadedsun didn’t move—didn’t think he’d be able to anyway. It felt that if he stood, he’d fall and never want to get back up. “Thank you.” He said softly, for nothing in particular. “Yeah, Foxkit was...was a quiet one.” Patting each of his son’s graves with his paw, Shadedsun decided to lay himself down next to them. He didn’t want to go back to camp—didn’t want to face his Clanmates, the clanmates he had failed. Did they even want him around anymore?
“What do we—what do we do now?” He asked quietly, shuttling his paws, trying to make out the blurry shapes of what he presumed were the trees ahead of him.
"I don't know," he admitted quietly; it felt wrong to raise his voice above a whisper, like he'd make this place, this moment, less sacred. He hated himself for feeling so selfishly relieved that they were gone, that he wouldn't have to smell the stench of blood and death anymore. Another part, the chaotic, desperate, grieving part, just wanted to dig them back up and never let them go, never let them reach StarClan, make a deal with the devil and bring them back to life.
"I don't know," he repeated, sitting down beside Shadedsun and tipping his head to the side to rest his cheek on the other tom's shoulder. "Tomorrow, I suppose... I suppose we try our best to move on. Tonight, we... I don't know what we do tonight. What do you do when your children's blood is on your paws? What do you do then? I haven't the faintest clue." He laughed mirthlessly. He glanced up at Shadedsun and lifted his head away from his shoulder. "Are your eyes alright? I've been meaning to ask but I never felt it was appropriate to bring it up. After this, I can't say I really care very much at all about societal conventions." He smiled vaguely, but there was no weight to it.
He let out a sigh, one that seemed to speak years of restless grief, one that didn’t seem right coming out of Shadedsun’s mouth. “I don’t—I can’t move on.” He said, almost desperately. How he just wanted to unbury them and hold them in his arms—take in their faint smell. But he couldn’t. He had to leave them. He could visit them any time, tell them a story whenever he wanted. No matter how much he tried to find a light in this situation, he just couldn’t. There was no light. The light died with his kits.
Barely taking in Doestar’s question, Shadedsun wrapped his tail around them both, closing his eyes. “I don’t know. I don’t—I don’t think so. Everything’s a blur now.” He whispered, twitching his ears as the crickets chirped.
Everything's a blur now. Doestar hummed a soft laugh, offering a faint smile that stayed on his face when he turned back to gaze down at the graves. "Figuratively and literally," he agreed quietly. "Have you... are you being treated for it? Is there a treatment?" It felt wrong, too mundane, to be talking about failing eyesight over the bodies of their kits. But he needed the normality at that moment, and he was dimly aware of the flutter of concern for Shadedsun in his chest.
I can't move on either, was what he wanted to say. I won't ever be able to move on. But he stayed silent. One of them needed to be strong. He offered a small, grateful smile when Shadedsun wrapped his tail around him, but the smile fell as quickly as it had appeared. After a moment, he murmured, "moving on doesn't mean forgetting them. It doesn't make us cold, or heartless, or uncaring. And it doesn't mean we love them any less. I've heard stories of cats who let their whole lives crumble in their grief, and I can't bear... I couldn't bear it if that happened to you." I need you. "I'll be here the whole time, just across the border, or... Well, I don't have a deputy, or I'd say I could just... stay with you for a bit. But, either way, doesn't matter - I'm not going anywhere."
“Yeah.” He huffed a short laugh. If he carried on like normal, than everything should fall into place, he’d be better. Everything would be better. “I know. I just, I don’t want to leave them behind. But I know that I can’t dwell on it forever, I don’t want to fall into myself. I—we have to be strong for Lilykit and Applekit.” He decided not to voice his concerns on what to tell them yet. They would have to be honest, maybe even blunt. But he didn’t want to hurt them with this news.
“N-nothing that’s worked. It’s gotten worse over the last little bit.” Shifting, Shadedsun lofted his head up off the ground. “Let’s—let’s go somewhere else.” He murmured, getting to his paws hesitantly.
Doestar smiled, summoning up every ounce of cheer and determination left in him and nodding in agreement. "I won't let you fall into a deep, dark depression, whether you like it or not," he replied confidently. "They'll be fine," he added. "They're kits, they're strong - they'll get over it quicker than us, even if that means repressing their trauma and inevitably struggling with the horrible consequences of emotional suppression later in life. They'll be fiiiine." He let out a laugh, always one to make light of a dark experience instead of actually coping with it. Tomorrow, the full weight of his grief would come crashing down on him; now, he was in that terrible state of hopeful, oblivious shock where moving on seemed so very easy and the light at the end of the tunnel wasn't all that difficult to imagine. Now, he felt crass and heartless; tomorrow, he'd be a shell.
But the joke took the last of his energy out of him, and he deflated at the mention of Shadedsun's vision getting worse, his smile slipping and his eyes losing their shine. He hummed a vague condolence. And, at the mention of going somewhere, an exhausted sort of dread washed over him - after their last night together, he was in no rush to get in a similar situation, especially not with them both so broken and vulnerable. "Ah, okay," he replied, and hoped he didn't sound completely against the idea. "Where?"
He let out a breathy laugh, though he didn’t find anything very funny at the moment. “Well, then I better make sure you don’t either.” He said, shaking out his pelt. Stretching out his back leg, he turned, rather reluctantly, away from the graves and towards the cherry blossom patch once more. “I just—not here.” He said, somewhat desperately.
Almost running from the Garden, he slowed when he guessed it was somewhat far enough behind him. In all honesty, it seemed he could continue to run forever, from his problems, from his memories. “When you said you’d stay with me for a bit, what did you mean by that?”
I just—not here. Doestar nodded hastily in understanding, immediately getting to his paws at the note of desperation in his friend's voice and, with a last, long look at the graves of his kits, turned and bounded after Shadedsun on three legs. Whatever the other tom needed that night, he'd give him, always so eager to please, always so desperate to make things better and fix things and make others happy. He felt Shadedsun's pain almost more than he felt his own.
He slowed beside the other tom, glancing up at him briefly at the question. "Oh, well, whatever you need it to mean. I can't... If—if I had a deputy, I'd just come live in SpringClan for a bit, if that wasn't completely against the rules, but... I can't leave my Clan. But I can visit every day and spend a few hours with you, help lay fresh flowers. Or... or you could come to SummerClan. For a... for a little while, I mean." He glanced up at him, suddenly anxious; he didn't know if he wanted him to say yes or no.
He didn’t want to go far, because boy was he tired. He barely wanted to move after all. Listening to Doestar’s words, he tossed them around in his mind for a minute. “Yeah, Id like that.” He said, still quiet. “I’ve never seen SummerClan before, really. I mean, I guess I never will, huh?” They we’re heading towards the WinterClan border—more specifically the Den that sat just past the garden. “I need a break from SpringClan. As much as I love it, I can’t habdle it right now.” He, finally, looked up at the stars, wondering if his kits were still among them.
“Oh, and tomorrow we should go get Lilykit and Applekit.” He said almost absently, wondering if they were asleep yet.
"Oh," Doestar replied before he could stop himself, more than a little surprised that Shadedsun, so devoted to SpringClan, had agreed. He stopped walking for a moment, gazing after him, before rushing to catch up. "Great! You can— well, we'll discuss sleeping arrangements later. But there's this kit, you'll love him, he has this little garden that maybe he'll show you. He's a bit... shy. And my den has lots of flowers, so you'll like that, too, and—and, well, you can just stay in the camp, that's fine, or I can show you all my favourite spots... It'll be good! And we'll still be able to visit the graves every day, if you like, and we can bring them some flowers from SummerClan so Batkit can have a little bit of home."
Tomorrow we should go get Lilykit and Applekit. "And... yes." He trailed off for a moment, guilty for having forgotten them in his desperation to make Shadedsun feel better. "They can some stay with us, too. It'll be good for them to feel like we're a proper family." He smiled, pushing aside any private anxieties he might have had about not wanting to give Shadedsun the wrong idea and simply letting the other tom lead him. As always, he'd put his own comfort second to someone else's.
Despite everything—despite literally everything he’s gone through in the past moon, in the past year at most—he smiled at Doestar’s rambling. “I don’t mind where I sleep, just not here, not right now.” He continued on his way forward, stumbling over stray roots, not really caring enough to be cautious. “He sounds wonderful, I can’t wait to meet him.” Shadedsun purred, but it had no true happiness to it. The smell of old moss filled his nostrils, and, squinting his eyes, he somewhat made out the big white blobs that were part of the Den.
“Here we are, we can sleep here for the night.” He said, to tired of everything to double check for snakes. The Den was big enough for about two averaged sized cats—so it would be a tight fit for both Shadedsun and Doestar.
Doestar didn't give himself much time to be grateful for the sight of Shadedsun smiling; he was immediately back to worrying about something else, this time about how careless he was being about where he was stepping. He could break an ankle and then what a pair they'd be, matching broken forepaws. Doestar flitted a little way ahead of the other tom, fussing like a mother hen over where he put his paws and nudging him a little if he was about to trip over a root or a rock. "You're gonna give me a heart attack," he hissed, concern making him irritable. He was about to make a comment about how Chim had learned to get through life with only one eye but he caught himself just in time; the last thing Shadedsun needed at that moment was more heartache, or another reason to snap at him. He hadn't liked being yelled at by him.
"Great, can you manage not to break a leg in there?" he replied dryly, offering Shadedsun a fond, tired smile. He ducked ahead and gave the den a once over, sweeping aside leaves with his good forepaw and giving it a quick little tidy up accompanied by a few little tsks before sitting down and waiting for the former leader. "It'll feel better in the morning," he told him gently. "More like you're able to get up and face the day. That, or it'll feel a whole lot worse." He laughed softly, glancing down at his paw and remembering the misery of realising he'd never be able to live the life he had wanted for himself. "But that's a problem for tomorrow us to deal with." He smiled, hopeful and exhausted and broken.
Creeping into the Den, he pushed himself as far back as he could to leave room for Doestar. “It’s a bit difficult and all, but I’ll try.” He wrapped his tail protectively around himself, almost scoffing at the idea that tomorrow would be better. Tomorrow would not be better. Tomorrow would not be all happy-go-lucky everything is fine. “Probably worse.” He stated rather dryly, curling into a tight ball. “It’s definitely going to be worse tomorrow.”
His smile faded as he watched Shadedsun brush past him and curl up at the back of the den. He stood there awkwardly for a long moment, looking down at his paws and shuffling his good one slowly through the dust. He didn't quite know what to say to that. "Bit blunt," he muttered quietly, "but yes, probably." He dragged his paw across the ground in front of him, claws slipping out just a little to leave shallow scrapes. No point in forcing cheerfulness, then. Almost immediately, without the facade of optimism to keep it at all at bay, the pain came rushing back in like a cold, dark flood.
"Thank you for putting it so succinctly," he added, voice low and bitter; he knew being irritated was irrational, and he knew making Shadedsun feel guilty for his grief was unfair and cruel, but sorrow was irrational in itself. Glaring at the ground, he trudged forward and settled down roughly beside the other tom, facing away from him towards the moonlit entrance and resting his chin on his good forepaw grumpily.
He huffed, placing his head on his paws. “Well, I ain’t gonna sugar-coat it.” He mumbled, noticing the shift in Doestar’s attitude. He couldn’t find it in himself to be mad at him—after all, he was almost at his throat earlier. A little part of him was annoyed, sure, but it never rose past turning away from the tom with another huff.
“Well, goodnight, then.” He said, closing his heavy eyes. How he wished tomorrow would be a better day. How he hoped. But he knew that wouldn’t be true. Tomorrow would be the worst of them all.
Doestar lifted his head and opened his mouth, adopting a sassy expression to snap something back about y'know, I don't like this new you, or, when have you ever not sugar-coated something? Was 'I love you' sugarcoating it? But his anger trickled away before he could get the words out, and he was thankful for it; he didn't want to hurt Shadedsun, and he didn't want to get into a fight, even if it might be a cathartic sort of release of all the pent-up, wasted energy that was warring with his bone-deep exhaustion. "Yeah," he mumbled instead, reluctantly admitting defeat and settling his chin back on his forepaw. "Goodnight."
He lay there for a moment with his eyes closed, willing his senses to calm down and not be so alert, before finally letting out a frustrated sigh and blinking them open again. He wriggled for a bit, stared at the moonlight on the grass outside for a little while, every so often half-sitting up and glancing over his shoulder at Shadedsun. He didn't know which was worse at this point: lying there awake with all his ugly emotions and his grief, the inevitable nightmares, or waking up the next morning and briefly forgetting about it all before remembering it was real, and it wasn't just a dream, and this was his life now. Finally, Doestar stood up, clambered over Shadedsun, hissed "move over, fluffball," and squeezed in between the other tom and the back of the den. "Hi," he whispered, letting out a breathy laugh. "Okay, goodnight." He squeezed his eyes shut.